Gathering Fingers
by SleaterKinney
Summary: Jane Rizzolis abuse by Hoyts hands was much more severe than she let on. After the attack she starts having nightmares and spiralling down all while discovering her true feelings for her best friend, Dr. Maura Isles. This is Janes story, her recovery and her quest for revenge. Can Maura help her, keep her grounded or will Jane lose control? Maura/Jane. Dark themes present. Enjoy.
1. All Hands on the Bad One

**Title:** Gathering Fingers  
**Author: **Crystal (SleaterKinney)  
**Fandom:** Rizzoli&Isles  
**Pairing:** Jane/Maura. Who else?  
**Genre:** Hurt/Comfort, Tragedy, Angst, and Romance  
**Rating:** M. Not for the faint of heart. Swearing and mentions of rape, self harm and torture will be in this.

***WARNINGS*** Will include mentions of rape, self harm and torture. May be triggering. This story is** DARK**. Will provide detailed trigger warnings in each chapter.

**TRIGGER WARNINGS: Torture/Assault**

**-  
CHAPTER 1: All Hands on the Bad One.  
-**

This was it. This was how she, Jane Rizzoli was going to die. She wanted to scoff at that fact but she was too consumed by terror to do so. There she was, tied up at Charles Hoyts mercy. How she came to be there didn't matter right now, she was just pissed off behind her terror that this old fuck managed to get her. As his blade ran across the skin of her neck, teasing her Charles whispered "you're mine, and you always will be" in her ear.

He had held her for over 24 hours now. She knew that his other victims didn't last much longer than this. Her wrists red raw from the rope binding her didn't sway her attempts to try to get out even though every time she pulled, it burned. She had thought about her parents, her brothers and Maura. She looked back at memories involving them all during Hoyts torture of her. She kept strong, trying to pull away and escape but she was stuck.

"Now now, Janie. If you don't stop pulling and trying to get away you'll regret it." Hoyt licked the tear falling down her face making Jane recoil and turn her head to avoid the disgusting tongue that made her scrunch up her face. She'd vomit but she had already hurled up all the contents of her stomach earlier.

She didn't want to admit it to herself, but she had given up on anyone finding her. She was ready for death as there were no other options. Though she was ready for death, she still didn't stop fighting. The skin on her wrists starting to break open and bleed, still she pulled until she felt a sharp pain in the palm of her hand making her scream in agony, her toes curling. Her head whipped to see Hoyts scalpel imbedded through her hand. "I told you, you'd regret it." He simply whispered with a sick smile on his face. He slowly pulled the scalpel out and stabbed Janes other hand as well bringing out the same reaction from Jane as before.

"I love your screams; they're like music to my ears." Hoyt took a deep sigh, throwing his head back. "They sound so good. Keep screaming for me baby." He stabbed her through the palm of her left hand again, leaving two gashes in it. She couldn't hold back the scream that erupted from her mouth. She desperately didn't want to make a noise as this sick fuck was getting off on her screams.

"Jane. It's time." He said, his voice filled with some sort of deranged tone of happiness. "I have to complete my work. I need your blood covering me." He smiled, viciously yanking the scalpel out of her hand and pressed it against her neck. "You are my most perfect patient. It's been a joy, really." His blade drew blood as he started dragging it across her neck. Jane closed her eyes tightly, her heart pounding.

This was it.

She is going to die.

Suddenly the metal blade wasn't against her neck anymore and she opened her eyes, her heart leaping for joy seeing Korsak in the doorway, his gun drawn. Jane silently prayed for him to shoot Hoyt as she still hadn't regained her voice. She watched as Korsak fired and Hoyt fell to the ground. Jane hoped to God she wasn't delirious and imagining this.

"Jane! Oh my god. Are you okay?!" Korsak exclaimed shocked at the image before him. "Dr. Isles, she's here!" He called out.

Maura was here? She still couldn't utter a word, her voice betrayed her. All she could do was breathe heavily until Maura came into view, practically leaping down the stairs. Two at a time, with heels. When Jane saw this, her breath hitched.

"Jane! I'm coming!" Maura was not her usual calm and collected self, instead her eyes looked frantic, her voice rushed. Jane could see the distress on the Doctors face. "Get help, I'll do what I can here." The honey blonde turned to Korsak for a split second before rushing to Jane's side. Jane watched as tears fell down her friends face, they matched her own.

"Maur... Maura...? It hurts, it hurts! It hurts!" Jane finally managed to take control of her voice. Her husky voice whispered out those words, trembling. She wanted confirmation that Maura was actually there. She didn't want to have her eyes betray her.

"Yes, Jane. I'm here. I know it hurts; I'm here to help you. First I'm going to get your hands free, okay?" Jane nodded watching the Doctor stretch her arms across, brushing Janes hand in the process. That touch confirmed that Maura was really there. Janes hand was free as Maura worked on the second one. She was still whimpering, cursing how broken and vulnerable she must have looked right now.

"You... You came..." Jane felt a smile creep across her face as she closed her eyes.

"Of course I came. You'd do the same in my position."

Jane scoffed lightly through her trembling lips at Mauras answer. She was a cop, Maura was a Medical Examiner. Maura had risked her life so many times, put herself in danger when she didn't need to for Jane and only for Jane. Jane appreciated it, but also feared it. She didn't want anything to happen to Maura.

"The Paramedics should be on their way. I'm going to untie your legs now, okay?" Jane watched as Maura moved down, her hands expertly untying the knots keeping Jane bound. She couldn't believe how just a moment ago she was almost at the end of her life then in a split second that all changed.

"They'll be here shortly." Korsak informed the two, keeping his eyes on the murderer on the ground. "I hope he bleeds out before then though." He added bitterly.

Jane groaned, she was trying to close her fists. "No, don't do that Jane. You have injuries to the centre portion of your Palmar Aponeurosis. Wait for the doctors at the hospital to fix you up." Maura stroked Janes shoulder softly. Normally Jane would have a smart ass remark to Mauras use of proper medical terms but right now was not the time. "You're going to be okay." The two stared into each other's eyes as Maura kept stroking her friend.

"You're going to be okay, Jane. I'm here. You're going to be okay."

**Well, that's it. This is my come back to writing, haven't written in ages. I hope you enjoy it. Constructive criticism/praise welcome. Will definitely update this story. It does have some light parts, don't worry it's not all bad.**

**Thanks for taking your time to read this,**

**Crystal. (SleaterKinney)**


	2. Things You Say

**TRIGGER WARNINGS: Torture/Assault**

I don't own any part of the Rizzoli & Isles franchise and I don't make profit out of this. This is just for fun.

**CHAPTER 2: Things You Say**

"I do _not_ need a rape kit, okay?" Jane put her hands up in protest. "He didn't get a chance to do that. It's just my damn hands." She was adamant, her legs tightly closed. She did not want the nurses to violate her even though she knew they were just doing the job they were paid to do. "Look, I'm fine. They stitched my hands up now they just have to heal. I really want to be discharged, can you get the doctor?"

"I really think you should stay." The nurse saw the look on Jane's face and changed the rest of her sentence. "But... I'll go get the doctor." The nurse left the room and Jane sighed, she was relieved to finally have a second alone. That nurse was getting to her. She just wanted to get out from this god awful hospital and all the prying eyes.

"I heard you want to leave?" The doctor said from the doorway causing Jane to look up at him.

"Uh, yeah."

"I highly suggest you reconsider." The doctor walked over to Jane's bedside. "You need medical supervision."

"Look, you met Dr. Isles didn't you?" Jane's fingers were playing with each other. She didn't want to blow this chance of getting discharged. "She came in with me. I'm pretty sure she told you in all that medical lingo the damage to my hands and all the necessary information? She is an amazing Medical Examiner and my best friend. I believe she'll be more than able to take care of me, alright? I just... Hate hospitals." Jane put forth a convincing argument silently thanking she knew an amazing medical professional like Maura.

"Alright" He started with a sigh, "I am willing to discharge you... If you could give my number to... Dr. Isles." He smiled awkwardly and Jane had to force herself not to roll her eyes. After all, she _did_ want to get out of there.

"Okay, okay give me your number. I'll uh, I'll pass it on." Jane got up out of bed, grabbing the business card out of his hand and moving past him out the door. Walking past the waiting room she felt someone touch her shoulder and she turned around, trying to mask the way she flinched.

"Hey, hey it's me Jane. You're leaving? I thought the doctor would have told you to stay." Maura cocked her head a little looking directly into Jane's eyes, trying to work out and gauge Jane's reaction. Jane smiled a little, her hand moving onto her friend's hip.

"Ah nah, I didn't wanna stay here any more. I need your help though, let's go back to your house huh? You can even light a couple of candles, open that wine that you love and I'll even drink it." Jane offered Maura a smile. Inside she was eternally grateful that she had someone to lean on.

"Really?" Maura's face lit up. "Okay, but I'm still going to list all the dangers you're putting yourself through by leaving the hospital sooner than you should on the way there." The M.E almost jumped in joy, her eyes beaming but underneath that her eyes were still filled with worry.

"I wouldn't expect anything less, now come on." Jane wrapped her arm around her friend, both walking out to Maura's car together.

"Did they inform you of care management for your wounds? If not, I'm sure I can confidently relay the information to you." Maura patted Jane's thigh causing Jane to tense up and suppress a groan. Jane silently cursed herself for her reaction.

Maura parked her car before turning and looking Jane straight in her eyes. "Are you okay? The Tensor Fasciae Latae muscle in your thigh just tightened up and the noise you made? Does that contact arouse you, or is it becau-"

"No, what? Maur, Maura I'm... I'm not aroused. Why would you even ask that?"  
Jane squinted at her friend. She was taken by surprise by the Doctors words.

"I'm sorry, I've done extensive research on body language but I do get mixed up sometimes." Maura explained, raising her eyebrows.

"I uh, I'll explain inside okay? So long as you don't bring arousal into things again. Jesus." Jane stepped out of the car going to Maura's front door. "Maura, you coming?" Jane called out looking into the car to see the doctor inspecting the passenger side seat.

"Jane, there's a reddish brown substance on my seat? Is this from you?" The M.E called out to Jane causing the Detectives heart to stop. Shit. Why did Maura have to be so observant? "This is blood. Jane, is this from you?" Maura looked over at Jane, her lips parted.

"Hey, I uh, I thought you didn't jump to conclusions." Jane called out awkwardly hoping Maura would let it go but she knew that she wouldn't. Her fingers started fumbling with each other clumsily.

"Jane this is serious." Maura rushed to Jane's side. "Turn around."

"Maura, I-"

"I'm not kidding. Turn around." Maura cut Jane off

"No, Maura. Just wait until we're inside." Jane stepped back to avoid her friend's hands. "Come on, for me." The detective avoided eye contact as Maura opened her front door, ushering in Jane before closing it behind her.

"Don't freak out, okay?" Jane whispered lifting her shirt up over her head, leaving her in her bra. She was terrified and embarrassed of what Maura's reaction would be. "I... I didn't trust anyone else. I need your help." Jane uttered softly, looking down at the floor. "It really fucking hurts, Maur."

Her eyes stayed planted at the ground as the doctor walked behind her, a gasp coming from her lips as she inspected the damage on Jane's back. "Oh, Jane... This is bad. This is really bad."

"Yeah, you don't say. One of the cuts must have been weeping or something." Jane tried to say casually, but she was trembling.

"How did the staff at the hospital miss this Jane?" Maura choked back tears.

"They didn't see it because I didn't want them to." The Detectives eyes were still firmly on the ground. She was ashamed. Her voice just a whisper

"We have to take you back Jane." Maura nudged Jane to turn around and Jane obliged.

"No, no! Maura, I know you can help me out here. I trust you, Kay?" Slowly Jane's eyes rose up to meet Maura's. "I need you to help me out here."

"Jane, your back is sliced up. There's risk of infection, you're going to need stitches. I work on the dead!" Maura started tearing up, her lip shaking. Jane saw this and fought off her own tears. She knew how heartbreaking it must be for her best friend to see her like this and she blamed herself.

"I trust you more than any other doctor out there. I know you must have a shit ton of medical stuff you can use to fix my back and... My thighs. Come on Maur, don't be upset." Jane pulled Maura towards her gently giving her a hug. Jane desperately needed her friends comforting touch right now.

"O-Okay. Just, let me clear the kitchen bench and I'll sterilise the area." Jane could hear the nervousness in Maura's voice. Maura wasn't confident when working with the living.

Jane clenched her teeth together as the pain coursed through her walking into the kitchen. The pain soared up from her thighs along her back. With every step, the anger inside her rose and her heart ached at what had happened to her. Hoyt's face haunting her every time she had to blink. The pain medication was wearing off. Jane watched as Maura gracefully wiped down her table, her dress riding up her thighs every time she leant over the table. She shook her head slightly cursing herself for staring.

"Okay, I'll be right back. I'll just gather the necessary supplies needed for this procedure." Jane nodded tracing circles on the counter. Her stomach kept flipping, sending waves of nausea through her. Jane looked up as she heard the sound of Maura's heels against the ground. As soon as her eyes found Maura her stomach settled down.

"Okay, are you able to lay down on the counter top?" Maura gently placed her hand on Jane's shoulder.

"Yeah, but should I take my pants off as well? There's... uh... Cuts there too." Jane still avoided eye contact with her friend.

"Yes, that would make things more efficient." Maura's voice tried to remain professional but her personal feelings seeped through causing her words to be shaky. She put her equipment on the table.

Jane slid her fingers under the hem of her pants causing an objection from Maura. "Wait, you will need to use muscles that are damaged to do that. I can do it for you."

"No, I need to do it myself. I will have to deal with this pain sooner or later although the pain meds they gave me are starting to wear off." Jane looked up for a second flashing Maura a smirk before carefully starting to slide her pants down her legs hissing in pain as the hem of her pants caught the wounds. It hurt her like fuck but she was strong, wasn't she? She could recover from this. She was bad-ass Detective Jane Rizzoli. She kept going, Maura's hand rubbing her shoulder keeping her determination up. Once she got her pants all the way off she crawled up on the table and laid on her stomach, her arms crossed under her chin.

"Is it going to hurt?"

"It might hurt a little. I'm going to have to wash the wounds before applying a surface anaesthetic. It's a cream that I'll have to rub around the wounds so that might hurt too."

"Okay, I trust you." Jane closed her eyes waiting for Maura's touch.

"Okay, I'm going to swab and clean them. I'll try to limit the pain as much as possible."

Jane felt Maura's gloved hand start swabbing around and on the wounds making her tense up and close her mouth tightly. She didn't want to let Maura hear her whimper. "Jane, do you know what he carved in your back?" Maura asked carefully.

"No... What is it?"

"No, now isn't the time. Forget I said anything" Maura tried to brush off her question but Jane grew concerned.

"What is it?" Jane's voice sounded more aggressive this time.

"Jane he, he carved his name across your back." Maura swallowed, biting her lip.

Jane stayed silent. She just flexed her jaw. Of course that sick fuck did that to her, he wanted to break her and he had succeeded. She felt Maura continue to clean her wounds as she uttered bitterly "I hope he dies in hospital."

"It's going to be okay Jane. I'll do what I can and then there are other options such as cosmetic surgery." Maura paused for a second before continuing. "Okay, I'm going to apply the anaesthetic now. It might feel strange." Jane felt the cool cream against her back. It was soothing although it stung while being applied.

Once it started working Maura stitched the wounds on her back in what could be record time. It impressed Jane. "Finished already? Wow."

"What can I say? I'm good with my fingers. I stitched the wounds on the outside of your thighs, are there any on the inside?" Maura applied bandages on the wounds as she asked.

"No, they're all good. Can I get off the bench now?"

"Yeah, just be careful." Jane got off the bench and had Maura quickly grab her as she swayed on her feet. "Thanks for keeping me upright" Jane laughed a little, "and thanks for everything else." Jane looked down. "Now I might need your help putting my clothes back on."

"No, you are not going back in those clothes, my friend. I'm going to go grab a pair of loose fitting pyjamas for us both." Maura let go of Jane and walked off towards her bedroom as Jane was left in the kitchen, her arms crossed across her chest. Once again Jane heard the sound of Maura's heels against the floor but this time she didn't look up to greet the Medical Examiner, she just held her arms across her chest the feeling of shame increasing every second.

"So, red or blue?!" Maura exclaimed with a grin returning to Jane.

"Uh, whatever you think is best." Jane finally looked up at Maura, smiling back. Even though she didn't share Mauras love for fashion, she did adore that trait of Maura's except when it forced her to try on dresses.

"Hmm. Okay here." Jane took hold of the blue pair of pyjamas and started putting the bottoms on. She was just about to put the top on when she looked up at the struggling Maura trying to reach the zipper of her dress. "Jeeze, I thought you were graceful." Jane couldn't help but giggle at the sight before her.

"I'm graceful _once_ in the dress. I normally use a coat hanger." Maura replied visibly flustered, a pout on her face.

"Oh come on, come here. I can't watch anymore. It's torture." Jane motioned Maura to come over to her. "It's your turn to turn around." Maura moved, her back was now facing Jane. Every time Jane unzipped Maura's dresses she couldn't help but admire the body underneath. Jane often felt jealous of her friend's flawless skin and curves.

She lingered once she had fully unzipped the dress. She had no idea why she was staring at Maura's back. "Uh, there you go" Jane had an uneasy smile on her face as Maura turned back to face her.

"I don't know what I'd do without you Jane." And with those words Maura slid the dress off her bare shoulders. Jane tried not to look, really, she did but she couldn't help it. Maura was the complete opposite of Hoyt. Her skin, her hair, everything about her drew Jane in before what happened to her and now that she had recently been attacked she couldn't help but grow fonder of her best friend. Her friend who was there, right with Korsak looking for her. She knew that somehow it was Maura who lead them to her; with how determined Maura must have been to find her.

"Well, I can't say I would know what to do without you either. I mean, I'd probably never have started yoga!" Jane made a face as she said yoga, and Maura brushed her sarcastic comment off, laughing a little.

"Hey! It's good for you." Now Maura was just in her undergarments and Jane struggled to look away but she managed to finally force her eyes to look towards the fridge. "Hey, I know I promised wine but is there any of my beer left in the fridge?" Jane kept her eyes at the fridge avoiding Maura as she put the rest of her clothing on.

"Of course, I always keep stocked up with your favourite beer. And don't worry about the wine; I'll have some of that beer too. I have to admit; with how often I drink it with you I've grown a taste to it." Maura walked past Jane to the fridge and damned if Jane's smile didn't get wider.

"It's not only you that has great taste." Jane grabbed the bottle of beer from Maura's fingers quickly chugging it down. "I'm actually really damn thirsty. Pass me another one?" Jane had a triumphant look on her face as she set the bottle down on the counter.

"Well, you're certainly outpacing me. But just so you know, Alcohol only serves to dehydrate you more. I recommend you drinking a glass of water in between bottles." Maura informed Jane handing her another bottle.

"Yeah, yeah I promise I'll drink a huge glass of water later." Jane took the bottle and walked over to the couch. Suddenly out of nowhere this horrible feeling overcame her, eating at her insides. Any appetite she had disappeared.

"Maur, get your ass over here." Jane called out, sat with her legs apart, her beer resting against her crotch. She looked around for the remote but could not see it. "Hey, where the hell is the remote?"

"Um. I haven't had the television on since last time you were here and knowing you, check under the couch cushions." Maura teased Jane walking back over to her. "I do not leave remotes under the cou-Oh." Jane's hand found the remote as she looked guiltily at Maura. Suddenly her emotions overwhelmed her, hitting her hard out of nowhere. Despite fighting it, tears started sliding down her face. "I-Uh." Jane choked back more tears. "Wha-What the" Her face was fighting the emotions threatening to overcome her, twisting her face into a tragic mess. "Fucking, fuckin' hell Maur, what, the fuck?" Jane was now overcome with sobs escaping her mouth every couple of seconds.

Maura quickly set the bottle down on her coffee table rushing next to Jane. "Jane, come on. It's okay. You've recently been through a horrible ordeal. It's okay to break down, I'm here." Jane felt Maura's arms snake around her shaking body. "I let him do this to me; it's my own fucking fault. I'm fucking weak." Jane's arms finally hugged back around Maura, her body melting into her friends.

It took a while for Maura to respond, which Jane summed up as Maura's awkwardness around live people and conveying emotions but she finally replied. "This is no way in your fault. You saved that girl, you're still alive. And you're _going_ to get through this." Maura's arms tightened around Jane's bringing some comfort to Jane. Jane hadn't had time to break down and it was all coming out now despite how strong Jane wanted to be, to feel, to look.

Maura didn't once let go of Jane and the Detective appreciated that. She wasn't much of a hugger but Maura was one of the few exceptions. As soon as Maura and Jane became friends physical contact felt normal with the Doctor of Death. Instead of avoiding contact, she craved contact with her best friend. It felt nice, she thought nothing of it; just that she loved having a close friend.

Jane allowed herself to open up and soak Maura's chest with her tears. She felt safe with her friend, safe enough to let her emotions show. Only when Jane started to pull away Maura let her arms loose. The detective slowly looked up at Maura to see Maura's eyes full of care looking right back at her; a reassuring smile on the honey blonde's face. Jane felt Maura's hands creep themselves onto her forearms. Usually, in moments like this Maura would have her hands right on Jane's. This time she didn't and Jane took comfort in knowing Maura had her hands on Jane's forearms to avoid any chance of hurting her.

"Do you want to stay here tonight?" Maura asked carefully and Jane could see Maura was vigilantly gauging her response and facial reaction. Maura had said some inappropriate things at inappropriate times before to her friend. She knew Maura didn't want to overstep anything or scare her off. It would take a lot for Jane to cut Maura out though.

Jane desperately wanted to stay over and lay in the embrace of her best friend. In fact ever since the hospital where she couldn't get any sleep what so ever she just obsessed over the fact that she wanted to be alone, and then how she didn't want to be alone and then how she just wanted to see Maura. "Yeah, that'd be great." Came Jane's reply. Patting her pockets she realised her phone wasn't in there. "Crap. I promised Ma at the hospital I was going to call her when I got discharged but my phone isn't in my pocket.

"Oh how embarrassing. I actually have your belongings. I don't know how it slipped my mind." Maura got up but as she went to walk away Jane reacted by instinct grabbing Maura's wrist, in doing so she whimpered in pain. She didn't want to be left alone right now, not even for a second and as pathetic as she felt that was she couldn't help but reach out right now.

"Oh Jane!" Maura turned around when she felt her friends hand on her wrist. Jane could tell by the look on Maura's face that she instantly regretted her actions. "I... Just don't want to be alone right now, you know after my huge emotional damn meltdown." Jane offered a smile but her eyes were still red from her earlier outburst.

"That is completely understandable." Maura waited for Jane to stand up before she made her way, with Jane, to her handbag pulling out a plastic zip lock bag with the detective's belongings. "I'm afraid there's only your badge and phone. They had to take your gun as evidence." Maura handed Jane her belongings. "I'm going to get us a glass of water. Okay?" Maura looked at Jane's face for confirmation it was okay to do so.

"Yeah sure, I'll just call Ma. Just give me a minute; I'll meet you in the bedroom." Maura hesitated for a bit before nodding and walking towards the kitchen.

Jane dialled her Mothers number nervously biting at her lip knowing what her Ma's greeting would be like.

"Janie? Is that you? Why did you take so long to call me? You had me worried sick!" When her mother called her by 'Janie' she tensed up nauseated, her hands aching.

"Well hey to you too, Ma." Jane nervously said trying to lighten the mood. She paced back and forth while she talked to her Mum.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, Mauras taking care of me. Don't worry, I'm in good hands."

"Oh well thank her for me will you? Frankie and your Dad say hey too."

"Say hey to them back for me will ya? And sure I will. I'll come see you tomorrow okay? Right now I need some rest Ma." Jane ran her hand through her hair as she talked to her Mum.

"Oh okay, I love you Janie."

There was that pet name again, causing Jane's eyes to close tightly. "...I love you too Ma, I'll talk to you later. Bye." Jane hung up taking her phone with her as she walked into Maura's bedroom to find Maura in her classic yoga pose.

Jane stopped dead in her tracks. "No. There's no way I'm doing yoga tonight." She pointed at Maura; waving her finger and pursing her lips together to add exaggeration to her words when she saw Maura give her puppy dog eyes. "No."

Maura pouted, "Well okay but I personally find yoga a pleasant activity to reduce stress levels." The Doctor shrugged her shoulders before lying down on her bed, patting the spot next to her. Jane crawled into bed with Maura, slipping under the covers in an attempt to hide herself away from the world. The pair of polar opposites were looking just that right now. Maura, her ankles crossed and arms clasped together at her lap, lying on top of her blankets, staring at the ceiling where as Maura was curled up on her side hiding under the blankets but both had worries that intertwined with each others.

"Jane?" Maura waited for Jane groaning in reply to continue, "I can write you a prescription for stronger pain medication than just the over the counter kind if you want." Jane pulled the covers down so her head popped out of them. She looked at her friend who in turn looked away from the ceiling to look back at Jane. "Heh. I might take you up on that offer."

"Okay, I'll just go and write one up!" Maura started to turn to get out of bed but Jane struck her arm out over Maura's chest. "No. Not now." Jane mumbled, "Just get under the covers and sleep."

Maura obliged turning to her side facing Jane. "I could prescribe something to help you sleep as well if you find yourself having trouble with falling asleep."

"Enough with the doctor stuff right now, Maur. Sleep time." Jane smiled a little closing her eyes ready to fight for some sleep.

**Reviews are very welcome and encouraged. :)  
**

**Thanks for reading once again and for everyone who added this story to their story alerts, favourites, those who reviewed and everyone that took the time to read this. Makes me unbelievably happy. I hope you continue to enjoy this,**

**Crystal. (SleaterKinney)**


	3. Off With Your Head

**TRIGGER WARNINGS: Torture/Assault**

-  
**CHAPTER 3: Off With Your Head**  
-

It was about 5:30 AM when Jane gave up on getting any sleep. She saw Maura sleeping peacefully and felt a pang of envy run though her. Jane quietly got out of her friends bed and walked into the kitchen. She headed straight to Maura's purse, digging through it to find her friends wallet taking out a $50 note. She'd pay her friend back, she just wanted to slip out quietly and go back to her place. She didn't want to put Maura out of her way more than she had already.

Once Jane had made her way to her apartment, she felt dead on her feet. She paced back and forth deciding whether to get shit faced or not in hopes she'd be able to get some sleep, even if she had to pass out to be able to get that sleep she desperately needed.

Jane decided to go ahead and start drinking. She knew it was probably the wrong thing to do but in her exhausted state but she just wanted to get some damn sleep. She made her way to the fridge before changing her mind and opening the cabinet, getting the bottle of vodka out. She scoffed at the fact that it was 6:15 in the morning and she was already started to drink although she brushed it off as she sat down on the couch digging between her couch cushions for her remote.

Turning the TV on she started playing the DVD Maura had brought over and watched last time she was here. Maura had wanted Jane to watch it but the Detective refused, instead going to sleep early leaving Maura to watch it herself. She was pretty sure it was going to be of those romantic comedies the Doctor always watched but Jane didn't really mind. She just wanted something playing in the background when she was drinking.

The title screen came on. 'Imagine Me & You'. Jane guessed it; this was going to involve romance. The detective made a face at the screen and pressed play. She settled back into her couch taking a few swigs of the Vodka closing her eyes tightly as the sharp taste hit her throat. She watched the movie as there was nothing else going on and there was a wedding in it already. She made another face at the TV, scrunching up her nose at her displeasure. If she was going to make it through this movie, she'd need to drink more alcohol.

Though Jane did not care for the movie at first, when she realised it that Luce was interested in Rachel and vice-versa and yes, Jane knew the characters names, she had become strangely interested in this movie, smiling and laughing at certain moments and she boiled it down to the alcohol coursing through her system. It wasn't like her to enjoy these sorts of movies.

The more she drank, the bigger her smile got and the more she thought of Maura and with thinking of Maura, she imagined what Maura would say if she was here with her right now._ "You're going to get a hangover; I'd recommend you rehydrate yourself with some water."_ Jane put the bottle down on the table next to the couch and grabbed a few bottles of water from the fridge coming back to lie down on the couch, stretching out continuing to watch the movie. She made sure she drank a bottle of the water she brought with her, in the process spilling some of it on herself. This proved to Jane that the alcohol was starting to get to her.

Wait, did Jane just see that? They were kissing and Jane's eyes bulged, she learned closer towards the TV and gulped a little. Why was she enjoying this more than she should have? When the scene finally ended Jane got up, wobbling a little bit and stumbled to the bathroom needing to go to the toilet. Coming back she knew she wasn't going to last much longer, her eyelids were closing without her permission every so often but she wanted to continue watching the movie. She laid on the couch continuing to watch the movie until she lost consciousness.

Jane woke up to the delicious scent of bacon and eggs. One side of her lips curved into a smile as she sat up looking over behind her towards the kitchen. She saw Maura, sat down at the counter in the kitchen, the blondes back turned towards her. "You made breakfast?" Jane closed her eyes and breathed in deeply through her nose, relishing in the smell. Maura didn't respond though so Jane got up and walked towards her, her nose leading the way. "Maura? I'm sorry I bailed on you this morning, gonna talk to me?" Still no response.

"Maura, I uh, I have to confess something. Uh, before I left I kinda got some ink on that red dress you love..." Jane tried to get a rise out of Maura, she wanted the blonde to say something but still she stayed silent, she wasn't even moving.

"Maur, you're kinda scaring me now." Jane laughed nervously. "Maura seriously?" Jane reached her friend, placing a hand gently on her shoulder. Once her hand touched her, Mauras head fell back revealing lifeless eyes and a slashed throat.

Jane's heart stopped immediately, stepping back away from her friend. "No, not you Maur, why did he have to do this to you?" Tears fell down Janes cheek, sobs escaping her mouth but that stopped when she heard Hoyts voice.

"Because I go after _couples. _And I have to say, I loved the feel of her skin against mine. She was one to rival even you, Janie."

Jane held her friends lifeless body and just started screaming, no words just sound. She wanted this nightmare to end. There was banging on her front door, Janes eyes moved from Hoyt to her front door and blinked. When her eyes opened again, she was on her couch, having screamed herself awake but there was still banging on her front door.

Her eyes wide, her heart almost jumping out of her chest she stared at her door which not a second later came crashing open to reveal Maura now grasping her shoulder. "Jane?! Are you okay?" Maura ran over to her friend who was sat up on the couch panting. "Night-nightmare." Jane breathed out, her hand on her chest trying to get her breathing back under control. She had never been so glad to see someone burst through a door.

"Did you... Just break my fucking door down?" Jane glanced at Maura with a bewildered look in her eyes and moved her head to look past Maura at her door. The lock chain lay on the ground and the doors lock was smashed.

"I didn't know what else to do." Came Mauras answer, her hand going on Janes shoulder.

"You've been holding out on me." Jane was laughing heavily now, at how crazy the last 10 seconds had been. Never would she have guessed that Maura could do something like that.

Maura laughed the tiniest bit, "how do you cops do that all the time? It was very painful." The Doctors grin turned into a frown.

"Yeah, yeah your shoulder must be killing you. Hang on, Maur. Let me get you some ice sweetie." Jane quickly got up, jogging to her freezer grabbing an ice pack. Maura followed behind leaning against the counter. Jane passed Maura the ice pack and raised her eyebrows in concern. "You are kind of bad-ass." Smiled Jane.

"Only kind of?" Maura feigned a hurt look on her face.

"Okay, for a Medical Examiner you're very bad ass."

The two shared an intimate moment, staring into each other's eyes smiling. They both appreciated each other. Maura broke the silence. "I'll get someone to repair your door, don't worry." Maura held the ice pack against her shoulder.

"No, don't worry I'll take care of it" Jane waved Maura off, "I took a $50 from your purse for a taxi this morning. Now come on, after that interesting way to wake up let's go sit down and relax a little."

"That sounds wonderful." Maura smiled leading the way back to Janes couch sitting down; Jane sat right next to her.

"Did you want to talk about the nightmare?" Maura asked, her hand on Janes knee comfortingly rubbing it.

"Nah, not really." Jane yawned and moved a little closer to Maura. "How's everyone at the precinct?" She attempted to change the topic.

"They're good, they miss you though. Korsak has a new animal friend like always and to do with Hoyt, he's still in the hospital ward of the prison. They have to wait for him to get better before they go to arraignment."

"It doesn't seem fair, for someone like Hoyt to be receiving medical care like that." Jane sighed a little. "Anyway, I don't want to talk about that sick fuck any more than I have to."

"So what are your plans for today?" Maura asked, the doctors hand on her friends forearm, tracing circles on Jane's skin with her thumb.

"Hang on, what's the time?" Jane rubbed her forehead, trying to wake up and get a hold of herself properly.

"It's" Maura paused for a second checking her phone, "2:43 PM. We could go out to the pub for dinner. When's the last time you ate?"

"I honestly have no idea." Jane stretched a little, her shoulders rolling back as she tried to remember the last time she ate. "Uhh, a couple of days I think."

"Well, if you aren't going to the pub I'm definitely going to cook you dinner."

"Nah, let's go out. It feels like forever since I've gone anywhere And now that I have some free time because of this" Jane put her hands above her head, bowing her head down a little as she did, "I'm going to have a lot of free time I'm not used to."

"You could spend your time learning a new language perhaps?" Maura offered her suggestion, her cheek in her hand as her elbow was propped against the back of the lounge. Jane making a disgusted face and poked her tongue out showing Maura her opinion on that suggestion.

"Well, we could always go shopping instead? I envision you in an amazing black dress, hugging your curves and highlighting your beauty." Maura smiled, staring into her best friends eyes. She loved Jane an insane amount, with Jane being her first real friend. Maura had never had a bond like she had with Jane with anyone else before. It felt so natural to her and no normal interactions between humans felt like that before unless they were dead. She valued Jane the second the Detective walked into her life.

"No." Jane raised her eyebrows at her friend. "I have enough dresses thanks to you."

"Well, get into one before we go out." Maura said casually, looking straight at the detective. She wasn't going to give up. Jane was stubborn but so was the Medical Examiner.

Jane replied with a pout. "But I like my slacks and shirts Maur."

Maura looked at her disapprovingly not needing to say any words.

"Okay, well if I'm going in a dress you're going in 'Detective Rizzoli' clothes."

Now it was Mauras turn to look upset. "But-"

"No buts, me dress, you suit." Smiled Jane, loving the way this woman could make her feel better. She stretched her arms above her head before standing up, her arm leaving Mauras hand. "So, should I go grab one of my dresses?" Jane gave her friend a wink.

"No, no. But _I _should get dressed here. Where are your suits?"

"You're saying we dress in each other's clothes?"

"Yes, and let's make it interesting. You have to pick out what I wear and I get to pick what one of my dresses you wear." Maura looked ecstatic, loving the idea of dressing Jane in her clothes.

"Well, I'm probably going to regret this, but okay. Let's uh, do it." Jane stood up off the couch and walked towards her bedroom, stopping at the door and looking back at Maura, "coming?" Maura put her hand up about to say something but shook it off and hurried towards her friend.

Jane checked Maura out as she finished putting on the Detectives outfit. Maura was wearing a black blazer with a white blouse underneath and a pair of nice fitting dark slacks. "You look very professional, Dr. Isles."

Maura replied with a pout, "It feels weird." Her gaze turned to her dress on the bed, looking at it longingly.

"Well, you're the one that wanted to do this so you can't complain." Jane grinned at her friend. "You look really good though." Jane tried to fight her eyes wandering Mauras body, tracing her curves although Mauras usual attire highlighted her body more than the outfit she was in right now.

"Well I suppose it does look okay." Maura pat herself down. "It could be fun seeing what type of men this sort of outfit attracts."

Jane tried not to laugh. "Uh yeah, yeah... _Men._" Jane had experience with people flirting with her while she wore clothes like this. Most of them were _not_ the male kind.

Maura gave her a blank look, raising an eyebrow before her eyes closed, opening them with the brightening prospect of getting to dress Jane up.

"Your turn."

**Thanks to all readers. It makes my day to see you all enjoying this. Feedback is welcome,**

**Crystal. (SleaterKinney)**

**P.S Have any of you noticed what links the names of each chapter together? :)**


	4. Stay With Me

**Authors Notes: A lighter chapter. I hope you enjoy! :)**

**Also if you're interested there's some artwork links on my fanfiction profile that I drew to go with this story.**

***TRIGGER WARNINGS* Body image/Scars**

**CHAPTER 4: Stay Where You Are.**

"Regret anything yet?" Maura smiled as she and Jane walked crossed armed towards the pubs front door. Jane was dressed up in a blood red dress, tight and hugging all her curves in the right places.

"No, not at all. I'm up for this, even though it feels like someone wrapped me up in cling film." Grinning, she nudged Maura with her shoulder.

"Actually, this outfit kind of makes me feel tough." Maura stopped and flexed her muscles in a body builder pose jokingly.

"Oh and I feel like a catwalk model" Jane rolled her eyes, strutting up the footpath. Maura laughed, she loved the way Jane made her feel.

"Okay come on, in we go." Maura chuckled walking into the pub next to Jane. The two made their way to a booth. Maura was first to sit down and Jane decided rather than sit on the other side of her, to sit right next to her. "Okay, move over. I'm sitting next to you." Jane plonked herself down in an unladylike manner and looked at the menu. Her mouth salivated at the thought of a big juicy burger and fries. Her stomach awoke with a fierce hunger. "Shit. I'm really hungry." She exclaimed, clenching her stomach.

"Good thing I took you out then." Maura smiled, her hand going on Jane's shoulder.

"Yeah but this place is packed." Jane scrunched up her face in disenchantment, she wanted to eat. "I'm going up to the grill myself and ordering, what did you want?"

"Oh I don't mind. Whatever you're getting." Maura took her hand off her friend letting Jane get up.

"I'll be right back" Jane promised going to order the food.

When Jane came back she saw a woman leaning over the table talking to Maura. Ah, Maura's first suitor. She chuckled silently to herself but there was a pang of jealousy hitting her when she saw the brunette flirting woman write her number on a napkin and give it to Maura. Jane quickly walked back, interrupting the woman. "Hey, can I get past?" Jane gave the most fake smile she could muster up and gently pushed past her and sat next to Maura, their thighs touching, putting an arm around her friend. The woman opened her mouth to say something presumably towards the Detective but changed her gaze from the detective to Maura saying "I hope you call." before walking away.

"So I see you've met your first 'man'" The Detectives face was filled with amusement.

"Oh, she seemed nice though!" Maura said, smiling, defending the woman. "I found her interest very flattering." Maura giggled.

"Here, I got you a beer." Jane handed Maura a bottle and opened her own starting to drink it. She was happy, she really was! But there was this small feeling of despair eating away at her. All these feelings conflicted her and that bothered her to no end.

"So, are you gonna call her?" Jane commented casually, taking a sip of her beer. She didn't have any idea why she asked this or why she desperately wanted to know the answer. It just kind of came out of her mouth.

"Maybe." Wait what? Did Maura just say maybe? Jane quickly turned her head to look at the Doctor, her eyebrows raised. "Really? I didn't know you were into that?"

"There's always a first time for everything. I can't say that I haven't thought about it before. What about you?"

Jane suddenly felt flustered. "Uh, I... I was raised in a catholic household." Jane answered effectively avoiding answering. Why was she blushing and why was she nervous? It was bothering her. She felt like a school girl talking to her crush but she was just talking to her friend, Maura. She didn't have a crush on Maura did she?

"Just because you're raised in a catholic household doesn't mean you wouldn't feel any attraction to people of the same gender. Haven't you even ever been curious?"

"Uh..." Jane didn't know herself so she didn't know how to answer this. "Well, I guess I could go that way. Thinking about it, it'd probably be easier to date someone the same gender... I guess." Jane just answered with whatever came to mind and even she was surprised with the summary of her answer.

The two sat exchanging small talk waiting for their meal to arrive.

"That hit the spot" Jane rubbed her stomach feeling full. "Thanks, I didn't realise how damn starving I was."

"That's what friends are for." Maura smiled.

"Yeah, that's what friends are for." Jane looked away from Maura, nibbling on her lip. _That's what friends are for._

When the pair got into Maura's car the doctor informed "Your door should be fixed. I called the guy and paid for it earlier."

"You didn't have to do that Maur." Jane placed a hand on Maura's. "Thanks though, it uh, means a lot to me to have you to, you know..." She trailed off, not good with exposing her emotions.

"Jane, I'm always here whether you want to talk or not." Maura smiled, starting the car and driving to Jane's.

"Did you know that kissing decreases anxiety, helps fight cavities and increases endorphins to make us happier?" Maura stated, staring at her friend. Jane's face turned to look back at her. "Oh really?"

"Yes."

"Well, better watch out. I might end up using you as a personal feel well coach." Jane winked laughing at Maura who chuckled a little, her eyes still on Jane.

"I'm serious." Maura added.

"I know you are." Jane patted Maura's shoulder. "I'm going to get changed, get my zipper yeah?" Jane turned so her back was facing Maura. Jane felt Maura's hands on her skin, slowly the zipper lowered down her back until it reached the end of the journey.

Turning back around she flashed a smile, "thanks." Jane made her way to her room slipping out of the dress and into a BPD shirt and sweats. She avoided looking at herself in the mirror, not wanting to cringe at the cuts that had been cruelly sliced into her body. They would heal but they'd leave reminders of what happened to her every time she saw them. She was not looking forward to it one bit.

"Jane, are you okay?" Maura's voice called out to her snapping her out of her troubled thoughts.

"Yeah, hang on a sec." Jane left her room going back over to Maura. "I think I might try to get some sleep" She told her friend, her hand running through her hair. Jane was exhausted, ready for a night of tossing and turning.

"Should I stay?"

Jane thought for a while before smiling nervously and replying, "yeah, if you want. I would rather be around someone else you know?" Her hands went to her hair again, she couldn't stop playing with it. She shook her head a little, forcing her hands to stay at her sides. "Come to bed with me" Jane motioned for Maura to get up off the couch and to follow her into the bedroom which Maura complied with.

"You gonna change into something else?"

"No, these clothes have become quite comfortable actually." Maura sat down on the bed looking up at Jane still at the doorway.

Jane turned the light off and walked over to he bed getting under the covers, facing Maura. She hoped she was strong enough to get past this. Gazing at her friend she smiled in the darkness. Everything was going to be okay, she had Maura.

"Hey Maur?"

"Yes Jane?"

"Cuddling comforts me." Jane whispered quietly.

Maura didn't need any more incentive, she put her arms around her friend, holding her close. Jane breathed in Maura's scent deeply, instantly feeling calmness come over her. God, she loved Maura.

–

**Jane needs to learn how to take a hint ;)**

**Thank you all for your continued support. It means the world. Read and Review :)**


	5. Step Aside

**TRIGGER WARNINGS* Self-Harm(?)/Body Image issues**

**CHAPTER 5: Step Aside.**

Jane woke up in the morning, having nightmares but not as vivid or horrifying as the one she had about Maura. She still had the honey blondes arms around her. She let herself relax and just bask in the comfort this woman radiated with every action.

"Jane? You're finally awake?" Maura chuckled. "I woke up an hour or so before, but you looked like you needed the sleep so I left you alone." The two looked into each others eyes both having a grin on their faces.

"You didn't need to do that Maur." Jane laughed a little. "Jeeze."

"Oh, I didn't mind it's just a good thing I haven't been called in otherwise I would have been faced with a difficult decision. Although I have to check Bass soon." Maura said, her arms leaving Jane as she stretched.

"Damn turtle."

"Tortoise, Jane." The grin was still on Maura's face as well as Janes.

"Okay, Tortoise." Jane rolled her eyes a little correcting herself in a posh accent.

Maura's phone rang bringing disappointment to both the women. They both just wanted to stay in bed.

"Isles. Okay, I'll be there soon." Maura hung up her apologetic eyes meeting Janes'. "I have to go, I'll check in with you later." Jane watched as her friend got out of the bed and to the doorway. "Thanks for last night." Maura flashed Jane one last smile before continuing to walk out of Jane's apartment.

When Jane heard her front door close, she sighed throwing her pillow at the ground in an act of defiance. She stumbled up off her bed standing still for a moment not really knowing what to do. She went to her couch and started watching whatever was on TV. She was getting ready to waste the day away.

It was 4 pm when Jane finally pulled herself away from the couch. Her back, hands and thighs were aching. It was aggravating her. She wanted to avoid looking at them but she knew she had to face her fear and see how they were. She had no idea how she'd be able to change the ones on her back though. She'd need Maura, she didn't want anyone else to know what had happened just right now.

In her room she looked at herself in her mirror. She was trying to work out if she recognised herself or not. She slowly stripped her clothes off leaving her nude. The bandages on her hands and thighs served to hide the wounds underneath but did not hide the feelings they brought up.

Okay, it was time to do this. Jane peeled the bandages off her thighs one by one and then she took off the bandages covering the palms of her hands. Each wound revealed made her swallow. Nausea was setting in but she forced herself to continue.

Forcing herself away from the mirror she went into the bathroom. She had to wash herself and with the bandages on her back she was just going to give herself a sponge bath to avoid soaking through the cloth covering her wounds.

She had washed every part of her body she was able to except her thighs. She swallowed her as the sponge made it's way to her thighs and then it made contact. The feeling was like venom being poured in her skin. She grit her teeth together and cleaned them, her rubs getting rougher and rougher until the sponge turned from yellow to red full of Jane's blood.

"Shit!" Jane exclaimed out loud, tears welling up in her eyes. She stepped out of the bath grabbing a towel and pressed the cloth against her thigh. "Fucking shit." She groaned inspecting the damage she had done. She opened her bathroom cupboard grabbing a gauze bandage, wrapping it hastily around her thigh before drying off and putting on a pair of pants and a blouse. Jane popped a few pills before leaving for the police department to get Maura's help.

When Jane arrived at the police department hurrying to the elevator. She pressed the down arrow. Her foot was tapping against the ground, she wished the elevator would hurry up. She had no desire to see anyone from her squad at the moment. She wasn't ready for al the well wishing and 'hope you're okay's'.

When the elevator arrived relief flowed through Jane. She quickly stepped in pressing the Autopsy floor over and over. The doors shut and she was on her way to meet Maura. The tapping continued until the elevators opened and she could actually do something with her feet other than tap. She made her way to where Maura spent most of her days and therefore Jane also frequented a lot.

Jane quietly slipped into the Autopsy room where she saw Maura hunched over a desk reading a book. The Medical Examiner didn't notice Jane coming in. Jane inched closer to her friend curious as to what she was reading.

"Hey Maur?" Maura jumped a little hastily trying to cover her book as she turned around to see Jane.

"Oh Jane, you scared me." Maura laughed a little.

"What are you reading?"

"Oh, it's uh. Just this informative book." Maura tried to shrug off Jane's question but Jane just reached past her friend and grabbed it.

"Dating Tips for Teens." Jane stifled a laugh.

"Uh. One of the girls from my monthly organised school group tour left it behind."

"And you read it because you're trying to get your dreamy high school crush?"

"Well, it provides very good tips..." Maura defended her actions.

"Oh I'm sure, don't forget to date someone else to make them jealous and boys tease when they like a girl!" Jane laughed a little forgetting the real reason she was here.

"Actually, those two little titbits actually are popular opinions. Although I wouldn't know too well about the dating thing in high school, which is _why_ I found this interesting. Your motto would probably have been 'Treat em' mean keep em' keen.'"

Jane smiled shrugging her shoulders "more like treat them mean keep them away from me." She laughed a little more before sitting down next to her friend. "Actually, I'm here because I need your help."

The doctor leaned in a little closer, the grin disappearing off her face. "Are you okay Jane?"

"One of the cuts on my thigh started bleeding."

Maura frowned. "That isn't good. Take your pants off and get up on that table."

"What, not even going to buy me dinner first?" Jane tried to brighten the mood but did as she was instructed, the cool metal against the skin of her legs. She watched as Maura inspected her wounds. "It looks like a couple of the stitches ripped out. How did this happen?" Concern filled the doctors words.

"I was washing myself and I must have scrubbed it a bit hard." Jane said casually. She didn't want Maura to worry about her any more than she had already.

"To rip the stitches right out of your skin you would have had to scrub really hard." Maura stated, her gloved hands on Jane's skin checking the damage. Jane picked at her shirt. Her fingers needing to do something while Maura worked on her.

"I'll have to disinfect and stitch a couple of them up again." Maura informed Jane in her ever professional tone. "I'll be back." Maura's hands left Jane's skin as she went to fetch supplies.

Jane bit her lip. She felt bad for putting Maura out of her way and was still coming to terms with what she actually did to herself. She lay there in shame of having to get Maura to fix her up.

"While I'm here I'll change the bandages on your back." Maura carefully cleaned the wounds and put anaesthetic on Jane's leg.

"You don't need to waste anaesthetic on me."

"Well, it's not like the usual people I work on in here need it." Maura chuckled a little starting to stitch Jane's wounds. "Anyway I brought it with me from home just in case I ever needed it." Maura finished stitching Jane up. "I'll change the bandages on your back now."

Jane nodded taking her shirt off laying on her stomach wincing at the coolness of the table against her skin. She felt Maura's hands on her back as the bandages came off. The inside of Jane's lip was between her lips, her eyes closed.

"Hey Dr. Isles" Jane heard an unknown voice call out. She heard footsteps nearing closer to her every second. Her heart started beating twice as fast panicking.

"Shit!"

"I, uh, I" Maura didn't know what to say. Jane felt her friend press herself softly against her back and the pair looked at who was coming.

"Uh I got that report you wa-" There was a man there staring at Jane who she never saw before. "Uh... I'll um. I'll come back later Doctor." He turned around briskly and walked away leaving both the women red faced.

"Holy shit who was that?!" Jane exclaimed trying not to burst out in laughter from shock. Maura moved off her struggling for words. "Uh, he's Detective Frost. He's here to fill in while um, you're gone."

"Thanks for keeping him from seeing." Jane had let a few giggles slip past thanking Maura.

"That's uh, okay." Maura was still red-faced. "Let's keep going." She smiled continuing to clean and dress Jane's injuries. "Okay you're good to go." Maura started to clean everything up and Jane got up grabbing her shirt and putting it over her head. Her back and thighs were numb so there was hardly any pain putting her clothes back on.

"Hey Jane, did you do this on purpose?" Maura asked looking straight at the Detective.

"Uh what?" Jane was confused by Maura's question, her eyebrows signifying that confusion.

"Did you hurt yourself on purpose?" Maura's hand went to Janes', holding the Detectives hand softly.

"Oh." Jane's eyes left Mauras'. "Nah, I didn't do this to myself on purpose." Jane wasn't lying. She hadn't consciously meant to hurt herself but her actions in that bathroom said otherwise. Jane put her hand on Maura's shoulder to try and reassure her friend. "I should go now though, I don't want anyone else seeing me." Jane finally met Maura's eyes again. Offering a smile her hand left her friends as she walked past.

"I'll talk to you later?" Maura asked out after Jane.

"Yeah." Jane turned to answer her before continuing to walk down the hallway towards the elevator.

"Jane wait!" Maura called out again causing the detective to stop. She went to face Maura seeing the honey blonde woman rush towards her before enveloping her in a hug. "Be safe Jane." Maura's hands were on the small of Jane's back before Maura stepped away.

"I will, don't worry. Now go get your hands in some dead people." Jane flashed a grin before continuing to the elevator.

The tapping of her feet began again waiting for the elevator to reach her. She had already been seen - In a compromising position she may add - by one of the detectives. She took comfort in the fact it was someone who didn't know her. Tap, tap, tap until it reached her and tap, tap, tap once she was in waiting to get out at the lobby.

Jane stepped out of the elevator once it reached the lobby briskly walking towards the exit when a man holding flowers and chocolates tried to get her attention.

"Excuse me?"

Jane turned to face him, hurrying her answer. "Yes?"

"Do you know where I could meet Maura Isles? I'm meant to be meeting her to take her out on a date."

Jane's heart sunk. _Step aside and keep walking. _She couldn't help herself and she answered rudely. Her feelings dictating her words. "Look buddy, I'm not here to show little boys around. Go find her yourself." She added a roll of her eyes for good measure and continued to walk out the door and to her car escaping this place. She kicked her car in frustration before getting in and planning to drive home.

Instead of driving home Jane found herself in this seedy bar, sat on the barstool ordering drinks. She was drowning her sorrows and disguising those feelings she didn't quite understand. The more she drank the less she cared about all that unwanted attention she was getting and when a handsome man asked her her name she told him.

"It's Jane."

"That's a lovely name, mines Harry. So what brings you here?" He said in his deep voice.

Jane took this moment to inspect him. Jet black hair, green eyes, musculature build. He was handsome and she needed to feel good about herself. "Just to get away." Jane forced a smile.

"We all have to get away from something. Hey uh, do you wanna dance?" His hand went to hers. She felt his hand pull away as his hand felt the bandage. "Hey what happened to your hands?"

"I'm in a dangerous line of work, there are risks involved." She leaned closer to him. "But I like taking chances."

"Oh you do, do you? So how about going home with me?"

"Nah, come on man you gotta lay some more groundwork than that. I'll be back" Jane flashed Harry a smile getting up off her seat to go to the bathroom. When she got up she felt a hand on her ass which almost made her stomach catapult out of her mouth. Hoyt's face flashed in her mind. She saw red, flipping around and grabbing the offenders hand and getting behind him "I didn't say you could have _that_. I'll give you a fucking tip for next time, don't put your hands on ladies without their fucking say so. Are we clear?"

The man seemed in shock of the events that just occurred and eyes were on them both. "Uh.. Yeah, yeah sorry." With his apology Jane let go and strutted out of the bar. Her heart was threatening to escape through her rib cage. The fact that she saw Hoyt told her that she was _not_ okay. She was too drunk to drive, her judgement was good enough to stop her from going behind the wheel but it wasn't good enough to not call Maura.

"Hey Maura?" Jane answered once her friend picked the phone up.

–

**Enjoy, everyone. Thanks for all the views and the reviews and everything. Update coming soon :)**


	6. Taking Me Home

**To those wondering about the title of this story, 'Gathering Fingers' it's a song from the band Stolen Babies. That song is what started this story. Lyrics tie in closely and I decided to go with naming it after a song like how each Rizzoli & Isles episode is titled after a song.**

_I'm going to start a fight, it's clinging to my eyes**  
**I'd hoped to rely on something else**  
**I'm sure it isn't right**  
**I know someone should anchor me**  
**But if you had heard the things I did**  
**How anyone like that could live?I'm sorry you had to see this side of meA mistake has fallen on my knuckles**  
**Desperately, my wish is to main you**  
**And no one should ever have to feel that wayTaking over the better half of the conscience**  
**No control, no better way to resolve it**  
**Can't see with the blood seeping**  
**Red and rushed, frozen speech**  
**Stinging scales of skin scraping**  
**Scales and skin scraping**  
**Can't think with the heart speeding**  
**I'm ashamed this had to beAnd no one can take your place**  
**The last thing you see will be this side of me_

**My favourite part of that song for this story is the line _'A mistake has fallen on my knuckles.' _**

**Anyway, enjoy this chapter of the story!**

***TRIGGER WARNINGS* Violence**

**CHAPTER 6: Taking Me Home.**

-Previously-

_She was too drunk to drive, her judgement was good enough to stop her from going behind the wheel but it wasn't good enough to not call Maura._

"_Hey Maura?" Jane said once Maura answered her phone._

"Jane? Are you okay? Your speech is the tiniest bit slurred, it sounds like you're experiencing an cerebrovascular accident or you've recently suffered a concussion."

"I need you." Jane stated.

Mauras reply was with pause, "why do you need me?"

"I can't drive home."

"Why?"

"I'm at a bar."

"The usual bar?"

"No."

"Okay." Maura paused. "Stay there, I'll pick you up. Where are you?"

"I'm at uh." Jane turned to look at the name of the hole she was at. "A place called Hercs Bar"

"Okay, I'll be there soon. Be safe, Jane." Maura hung up and Jane instantly regretted the call. What was she doing? Jane shook her head putting her phone back in her pocket. Groaning she got in her car waiting for Maura.

Maura's rapping on the window alerted Jane to her presence. Turning her head she saw Maura waving. Jane opened the door and got out of the car. She noticed how damn good Maura looked. She was wearing a tight black dress.

"Hey Jane, I'm sorry I took a while. I drove home and caught a taxi here so you wouldn't have to leave your car here." Maura put her arm around Jane keeping her steady. "Ooh, you right there?" Maura giggled a little at the Detective leading her to the other side of the car.

Jane got in the car fastening her seatbelt with Maura getting in on the other side. "So did you have fun?" Maura questioned amused as she took the car keys from Jane's hand.

"No... Not really. Some jackass grabbed my ass."

"Erk. That doesn't sound too fun."

"Yeah uh, it actually made me sorta have a flashback of..." Jane trailed off. Her gaze turned out the window. She felt Maura's hand on her knee.

"Come on, I'll get you home." Maura took her hand off Jane and onto the steering wheel starting the car.

Jane watched as the houses she passed turned into blurs, focusing on the environmental objects to get her mind off of her mind trying to fuck her over.

"So, what brought you to the bar?" Maura asked inquisitively.

"Just to try and relax and get away you know?" Jane murmured her gaze still out the window. She increasingly felt worse about getting Maura out here to pick her up. She wanted to say thanks and at the time same sorry for dragging her out here but she didn't know how to say it, in words anyway. She wasn't one with words, Maura knew that. She wasn't one to physically show her emotions either except with Maura. The hugs and the touches were Jane's main way of conveying her emotions. She yearned to tell Maura just how much and hugs never seemed to convey just how much she cared for the Doctor.

"Well, in case you're hungry check my bag." Maura smiled a little as she drove. Her smile was sly making Jane curious as she turned to face Maura. She grabbed Maura's hand bag opening it to see a Big Mac.

"Oh yes!" Jane grinned grabbing the Big Mac out. "Thanks!" She said as she took a bite. "Mmmm." Jane's head moved back "this is so good."

"I thought you might like it."

"Damn right. You are _amazing._" Janes mood perked right up as she ate.

"So how much have you had to drink?" Maura questioned Jane as the detective plonked herself down on her couch.

"Not enough to give me a hangover tomorrow. I'm fine" Jane replied motioning for Maura to come over next to her. She watched how Maura's hips rolled as she walked over towards her sitting down next to the Detective

"I didn't think my night would end up like this" laughed Maura.

"Oh yeah, that guy was taking you out. Shit." Jane remembered that guy and how she must have gotten in the middle of the date and well let's just say she wasn't exactly sorry and the smirk that appeared on her face showed that.

"Oh that's okay, he wasn't that interested after I sort of... diagnosed him over the table..." Maura said, her face flushed.

"Again?" Jane laughed. "Oh Maur."

"He called you a bitch anyway, that turned me off."

"Of course he did." Jane was amused.

"Oh well, I still have you."

"Yeah, better watch out. You might get stuck with me." Jane smiled adoringly at Maura before getting up to pour herself a glass of water. While in the kitchen she called out to Maura. "Want anything?"

"Bottled water please."

Jane returned to the couch passing the water to Mauras reached out hand. "Here you go." The detective offered a smile before sitting back on the couch, hugging her legs looking straight at Maura. She loved the way the light haired woman brought the bottle to her lips, delicately sipping out of it. The way a little bead of water rolled down her lip after she moved the bottle away. How amazing it looked when her tongue licked her lip. Jane was in awe of how amazing she found this simple thing when it was Maura who was doing it.

The way Maura looked at her asking if she could turn the TV on and the glint of happiness in her eyes when Jane said yes. The way her fingers pressed the buttons on the remote, so gracefully. Jane didn't think she'd ever think of someone pressing buttons on a damn remote so great but here she was unable to take her eyes off Maura, everything she was and the things she did. Maura's lips twitched into the smallest smile when she found a channel she liked and it warmed Jane's heart. She had noticed little things about Maura before but only in the past month or so had she began to wonder how she really felt.

"Jane, I've seen this before. This documentary is amazing, you're in for a treat." Maura grinned, her hand going to the detective's leg giving it a squeeze.

"What's it about?" Jane's smile widened.

"The mating pattern of Dung Beetles." Maura stated, that glint in her eye again that Jane adored.

"Dung beetles? Really Maur?" Jane chuckled a little raising an eyebrow at her friend.

"Yes, it's actually quite interesting."

"Oh well in that case let me get some ice cream." Jane joked but she would watch it because Maura wanted to. That confirmed it to Jane, she really damn adored this woman if she was willing to watch beetles mate for her.

After Maura left giving Jane a hug that warmed the detectives heart she retired to bedroom and laying down on her bed. The smile was still there and she uttered softly to herself. "Yeah, I like her." With that revelation she turned on her side closing her eyes to get some sleep.

Jane woke up with the same nightmare she had the other night about Maura. She was covered in sweat panting. 4:30 AM, she looked at the clock with annoyance standing up and going to the bathroom. She splashed her face with cold water looking at herself in the mirror. She didn't know what to think of herself, she felt disgusted and sick.

It was her who slit Maura's throat in that nightmare.

It was her hands that were covered in Maura's blood and it terrified her.

**Small chapter, sorry. Not the best either. Will update fast though, I think you guys will enjoy the next chapter :D. Enjoy as always and thank you all so much,**

Crystal.


	7. Taste Test

**As promised, here you go. **

**CHAPTER 7: Taste Test.**

After the nightmare Jane had she couldn't get back to sleep not that she tried. She had been too upset and confused by her dream to even attempt to get more sleep. The Detective had been curled up on her couch the dream running through her mind. She was trying to make sense of it but there was no sense to be had in her mind.

She sighed, stretching her arms up trying to ignore that pain radiating through her palms as she did. She didn't want to be in her apartment anymore, she needed to do something to distract herself.

She returned hesitantly to her bedroom trying to avoid thinking any more about her dreams. Throwing the first thing she could find on she ended up in a pair of ripped jeans, a white tank top and a jacket. She rushed out of her room picking up her keys out of the bowl in her kitchen and then went out to her car. She needed to be away from her own apartment and the thoughts that were tormenting her.

Jane arrived at her parents front door knocking on it with her elbow. "Ma?" She called out finding herself playing with her hands. She had told her mum she'd come over a couple of days ago but never showed up. She had also avoided her Mothers persistent calling. She just wasn't ready to talk about what happened and she knew her Mum would eventually try and force her to tell her what happened to her. Jane hadn't told anyone the full story yet.

The door opened and she was greeted by her Ma. "Hey Jane, you're finally here!" Her mum had a frown on her face but Jane could see that underneath she was trying to hide her smile.

"Yeah sorry, I've had a lot of stuff going on." Jane explained her hand going to her hair. "Sorry Ma."

"That's okay, I just wish you'd talk to me." Her Mother held her arms out moving forward for a hug. Jane winced a little as she was hugged and then winced a lot, her fingers twitching and turning when her mum tightened her grip right across the cuts. Her Mother wouldn't let go. Jane grit her teeth together and then masked a groan with a hum "Mmm, Ma. How have you been?"

"Oh, I've been okay. Worried." Angela finally stopped hugging her daughter, "come in, come in." Her mother ushered Jane in and right into the kitchen. "I'm going to get you something to eat, some left over pasta from last night." Her Mum smiled at her. Jane smiled back, her Mum had good intentions. She was just a bit overwhelming for Jane to handle right now.

"I'm not that hungry Ma, don't worry about it. Where's Frankie and Dad?"

"No, don't be silly. I know you've not been eating properly." Jane heard the microwave door close. She sighed quietly to herself.

"Okay Ma. Where's Frankie and Dad?"

"They're both at work, I've been lonely Janie. You haven't come to see me."

_Janie_. Jane closed her eyes tightly and took a deep breath. Every time she was called that she heard Hoyt's voice calling her that. It was like she was back in that basement, helpless and scared. "Ma, don't be like that. I've been busy." Jane sighed. "I'll come around for dinner tomorrow okay?"

Angela put down the plate of food in front of Jane. "Yeah, that'd be great. Oh! You should bring Maura, she'd be free wouldn't she? She doesn't work Saturday right?" Her Mother was smiling now.

"She shouldn't be working but she might be called in. I'll uh, I'll ask her later. Will Frankie and Dad be there?"

"Yeah, I'll make sure they are there for dinner."

Jane twirled the pasta around with her fork, playing with her food. It smelled delicious but she didn't really want to eat. She felt her Mums eyes on her and forced some of it in her mouth and down her throat. She ate some more to please her Ma before finally setting the fork down and taking the plate to the kitchen cleaning it.

She still felt her Mothers eyes on her. It made her feel uneasy. Her mother wanted something from her that she wasn't ready to give. "What happened in the basement Janie?" Her mother questioned. _Janie._ Again with that name. Jane had to get out.

"...Ma. Please don't." Jane cocked her head to the left closing her eyes. "I can't... Talk about that." Her eyes closed tighter. She opened them and walked past her Mother to the front door. "I'll come around at around 6 tomorrow."

"Oh so you're leaving your poor old mother again?"

Jane stopped for a second before sighing and continuing out the door. She didn't want to be guilt tripped any more by her Mum than she already had been.

After spending the majority of the day driving around doing odd jobs and sightseeing Jane came home to find Maura out the front of her building waiting for her. "Maura?" Jane squinted a little before grinning. "What are you doing here?"

"I just thought I'd come and say hi. I hope it's okay." Maura smiled walking over to Jane putting her hand on the Raven haired woman's shoulder. Jane spread her arms out engulfing her friend in a hug.

"Of course it's okay. I've had a shitty ass day. It'd be great to come relax with you." The pair walked up arm in arm to Jane's apartment before settling on the couch watching a movie.

While watching the movie they ended up cuddled with each other. Jane's body was against Maura's back, the two fit perfectly together. Jane was in love with the warmth the two were sharing with each other.

"The movie's over, why don't I get us a glass of wine?"

"I don't think I have any Maur." Jane whispered into Mauras hair as she spooned her.

"I smuggled bottles over once in a while. I keep them in the kitchen cabinet you never check." Maura laughed a little and to Jane's disappoint stood up leaving the detectives embrace.

"I think we've reached a point in our relationship where we know each other too well." Jane said jokingly looking over the back of the couch gazing at Maura bending over to grab a bottle out of the lower cabinet.

"Really? So you think we should avoid each other?" Maura turned around frowning. She had a hurt look on her face making Jane regret her words.

"I was joking Maur; don't worry." Jane smiled reassuring the Medical examiner whose smile lit up her face again.

"Good." She kept on smiling as she walked back over to Jane with a bottle of wine and two glasses in hand.

"Hey uh, stay there for a second." Jane stopped Maura from sitting down and stood up next to her friend. Watching as her friend put down the wine and glasses.

"Okay, uh, do something for me yeah?" Jane found her confidence booming enough to think to ask this.

"Okay...?" Maura looked at her friend questionably trying to work out what she was going to be asked.

"Grab my ass... or as you like to call it my gluteus maximus" Jane bit the inside of her lip before smirking.

"I'm sorry what?" Maura laughed nervously her head moving back a little.

"I just wanna see something." Jane's confidence was slowly diminishing.

"You just want me to grab your... Ass." Maura whispered the last word still looking as if she didn't understand Jane's request.

"Yeah, exactly... I just want to see something for a scientific test." Jane smiled, she knew this would make Maura more open to this.

"What do you wish to find out by administering this test?"

"Well, this test is to see whether or not I'm okay with _you _grabbing my gluteus maximus. Or if what happened with the dick in the bar the other night happens with you."

"Hmm. Well I suppose the findings could prove interesting." Maura looked up thoughtfully deep in thought. "So how do we go about this?"

"Well, I thought you'd just put your hands on there but I guess we'll have to go to dinner first, somewhere romantic and" Jane trailed off chuckling before grabbing Maura's hands. As soon as her friends hands were in hers the laughing stopped and she went silent. "So, you just..." Jane stepped forward closing the gap between the two. "Move your hands..." Jane slowly moved Maura's hands backwards before letting go. "And well, you know the rest." Her voice was a whisper now.

Jane gazed at Maura's face as the doctors hands neared their destination. Maura's lip was between her teeth as she gazed right back at the detective. Maura's hands found their way to Jane's ass lightly cupping each cheek. As soon as Jane felt the contact she didn't tense up, instead melting into the touch. Maura hands tightened grabbing Jane's ass. Both their eyes were locked on each other. This 'test' turning into a questionably intimate affair.

"Like that?" Maura asked quietly. Jane just nodded in reply afraid of what would happen if she opened her mouth. Maura closed her eyes and removed her hands stepping away a little much to Jane's disappointment.

"So?" Maura grinned "Oh and I'm sorry if I kinda sucked at it, not used to grabbing a female's gluteus maximus." Maura chuckled a little.

"It felt great, Maur. You're right. You _are_ good with your fingers." Jane was blushing now. She turned around and sat down in her couch.

"So no bad... Images?" Maura questioned sitting down on Jane's couch but she didn't sit right next to Jane like she normally did. She sat on the other side. Jane noticed this and her face fell for a second before putting forth a smile saying "nope, nothing at all."

"Just out of curiosity, does it feel different having a woman grab your ass?"

"Very different. It was nice, felt more... Intimate." Jane shrugged her shoulders a little and smiled at Maura who looked nervous as hell. Jane could not help but think how cute she looked.

"That was an interesting experience for me as well." Maura admitted lifting her knees up to her chest hugging them. "Your glutemes maximus is quite different to a mans."

"Well I'll take that as a compliment as you saying I don't have a flat mans ass." Jane laughed inching closer to Maura as the pair watched television. Eventually the paid had both moved closer to each other and were once again touching. Although it wasn't as intimate as before. Only their thighs were touching Jane still appreciated it. Any and all touching she had with Maura she enjoyed.

"Should I stay the night?" Jane felt Maura's hand on her knee. She considered her answer for a bit before replying.

"Na, not tonight. I'll be okay." Smiling, Jane put her hand over Mauras. She _wasn't_ going to be okay but she didn't want her friend to see that. That and the nightmare she had was still lingering in the back of her mind. Jane had a habit of talking in her sleep when she had nightmares and she wasn't willing to take the risk she'd say something while in bed with Maura. That's if she even managed to sleep at all.

Maura had a rejected look on her face she tried to mask with a smile "Okay, I better go." Jane watched her friend stand up. She disliked the look on Maura's face. It made her feel bad and she didn't want to feel like that.

"It's not you Maur, I just got a few things I have to do." Jane explained standing up. "Thanks for coming over though. Oh! And Ma would kill me if I didn't ask, but did you want to come to Rizzoli family dinner tomorrow night?"

Maura grinned. "I'd love that, Jane." The two women were once again dangerously close to each other. No words were spoken as they stared at each other. Jane did feel nervous but the good nervous, the one that gave her butterflies in her stomach.

"Uh, I-I better go." Maura broke the silence with a whisper stepping past Jane, their shoulders brushing against each others. "Thanks for tonight." Maura smiled heading towards the door. "I'll be at your mothers at 6. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, yeah that's good." Jane smiled at Maura still stood in front of the couch watching Maura nod and walk out the front door closing it behind her. Something seemed off. Jane now felt uneasy. She walked over to her front door pressing the side of her face against her door listening to Maura's footsteps as she walked away.

Fucking shit. Jane's hand curled into a fist before running through her hair. "Good going, Jane." She walked into her room laying on the bed, her limbs sprawled out. Was Maura upset with her? Why did she leave? And there was one more question on Jane Rizzoli's mind. Did she _like_ Maura?

–

**I hope you enjoyed this. Thanks for reading. R&R.  
**

**Crystal.**


	8. Burn, Don't Freeze!

***TRIGGER WARNINGS* Self-Harm (?)**

**CHAPTER 8: Burn, Don't Freeze!**

* * *

"Dinner with your family was great." Maura smiled as the pair walked into the Doctors house. Jane, with a smirk, locked the door behind them. "If there's any way I can repay you just tell me."

"Well, there is something..." Jane trailed off and let her actions do the talking. She walked up behind Maura, her arms wrapping around Maura's waist just above her skirt. Jane's lips found their way to Maura's neck. Her arms tightened and she started kissing Maura's neck more roughly earning a moan from Maura's lips. "Tell me you'll do anything for me Maura, tell me." Jane growled into Maura's ear walking her towards the kitchen counter bending the blonde over it. Jane's was pressed right up against Maura's firm ass.

"I'll-I'll do anything for you." Maura whimpered under Jane command.

"..I want to be covered in your blood."

"Wha-" Before Maura could finish she felt a sharp sensation in her lower back. Jane had stabbed her through the back of her spine. As soon as she heard Maura's scream she stabbed again and again before waking up in a sweat alone in her bed.

Jane was once again horrified with herself, with what she did in her dream. This time it also involved kissing and touching. Conflicting feelings came over her, twisting her stomach into a million knots. She hated dreaming this, she hated it! She looked at her alarm clock. 1:39 PM. "Fuckin' hell." Jane groaned to herself. She hadn't slept in like this for years.

After that nightmare she _really_ wasn't looking forward to dinner tonight. Jane buried her face in her pillow groaning. She loathed the last two nightmares she had involving her harming Maura. Something she never planned or would ever want to do.

Jane, with much hesitation, arrived at her parents house ten minutes late. She walked up to the front door ringing the door bell. She knew Maura was already here, seeing her Prius parked out front she had to stop the smile coming up on her face at how punctual Maura was. She would have arrived right at 6:00PM. The door opened and she was greeted by her dad.

"Hey, Jane! Good to see you." Her dad hugged her, thankfully lighter than her Mother did the other day. "Come in, come in. Your mothers in with Frankie and Dr. Isles getting dinner ready." Her dad put his hand lightly on his daughters shoulder as the pair stepped into the house. The first thing Jane saw and what her eyes focused on was Maura. Of course the first thing she looked at was Maura. Jane watched as her friend set the table, her face lighting up in a grin when she looked up from the table and at Jane.

"Hey Jane!" Maura said in her unique cheerful tone.

Before Jane could reply her Mum cut in.

"Janie!" No, not that name again. Jane's appetite instantly disappeared. She fought off the sigh that threatened to escape her mouth and forced it into a smile.

"Hey Ma, dinner smells great. Do you need any help?"

"No, no. You just relax. Sit down, as soon as the table is set dinner can be served." Her mother was being more bearable than usual. The forced smile on her face turned into a genuine one. She sat down making sure there would be room for Maura to sit next to her like she usually did. The rest of her family knew to leave a spot for the Doctor right next to their daughter.

The last of the plates were set and Maura took her place next to Jane, her hand slipping under the table onto Jane's knee. "I'm glad you made it" Jane smiled, her hand on top of Maura's. The feeling of Maura's skin against her own brought her comfort.

"Of course I came." Maura looked into Jane's eyes. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Because of-"

"Hey Jane, finally back in the family!" Frankie cut Jane off, hugging her from behind as she was sat down. Her hand immediately darted off Maura's as she turned her face.

"Yeah well, I wanted to hear all the stories at your expense tonight." Jane joked jabbing her brother in the side lightly. Frankie jabbed back and it began a fight between the two siblings until he jabbed her right against her stitches on her back. She stopped laughing and closed her eyes. Maura quickly intercepted the situation.

"Hey Frankie" Maura got his attention, "I have a couple of bottles of wine in the boot of my car. Could you go grab it for me?" Seeing Frankie burst out with a smile, his hand running through his hair she handed him her keys and watched as he walked away. She turned her attention back to Jane leaning close to her she whispered "Are you okay?"

Jane leaned in closer so their faces were just an inch apart "Yeah, I'm good now. Thanks." Jane pat Maura's shoulder a little. They turned their attention to the roast leg of pork making its way to the table. Jane hadn't eaten all day and she had to admit the smell was making her mouth water. Once the food and the wine was on the table Jane's father started carving the meat, placing it on everyone's plate.

Jane listened to the vibrant dialogue her family shared pitching in every so often and laughing at Frankie's antics on the job. Maura kept adding random facts about things everyone was talking about and all in all Jane was having a great night. Well that was until her Mother decided it was appropriate to grill her about her love life.

"Do you have a man in your life?" Angela asked Jane casually. Both Jane and Maura looked up from their plates and right at the Mother.

"Ma, really with the relationship talk in front of everyone?" Jane frowned at her Mother signifying her annoyance at the question with her hands. Men were the last thing Jane wanted to talk about.

"Well, you need someone to look after you!" Angela argued back, throwing her arms in the air. Things were starting to get heated between the two.

"I don't need anyone looking after me, Ma. I'm not a child."

"You almost died, you haven't even told me what happened down there. You need someone that cares for you, Janie."

And there was that name. _Janie._ With how mad Jane was right now that name set her over the edge. "Ma, stop _fucking_ calling me Janie. You want to know what he did? Look at my hands Ma? He fucking did this, all while calling me Janie. So stop, stop calling me that."

The table went silent. Jane sighed kicking her chair back and rushing out the door. She wasn't focusing on anything specific, she was just unbelievably pissed off. At her Mother, at Hoyt, at the world but mostly she was just pissed off with herself. How she was handling things or more precisely with how shit she was handling things. Getting to her car, her fist slammed into the side of her vehicle while shouting 'Fuck!' She punched the side of the car again

"Fucking!" _Punch.  
_"Worthless!" _Punch._

"Weak!" _Punch._

"Piece!" _Punch._

"Of!" _Punch._

"Shit!" _Punch._

Pain radiated up her arm from her hand. Each throb coursed through her body making her eyes dilate. For some strange reason the pain made her feel better, as though she deserved it. Her hand moved back ready to punch her car again but Maura's voice stopped her.

"Jane?"

The Detective didn't look up from the car. She heard Maura's heels clacking away as the Medical Examiner made her way towards Jane.

"Jane please stop, your hand is bleeding." Maura was almost begging.

Jane didn't reply. Her gaze fell onto her right fist seeing blood engulfing the white material of the bandages. The small drop in her anger when she heard Maura's voice rose once again seeing what she did to herself. She punched the car one more time before she was pulled away by Maura.

"Get off me, Maur!" Jane pushed her friend away for the first time in her life. The look on Maura's face broke Jane's heart. It as a mixture of shock and hurt. Maura's mouth was agape but no words came out.

"I don't fuckin' deserve you, I don't deserve anything. Why are you here? Why do you put yourself I danger for me? You should just leave!" Jane's voice was raised and her lips were trembling.

"Jane... I..." Maura trailed off, she had no idea how to respond. Jane saw the tears in her eyes that threatened to roll down her face.

"Look at me, I'm a fuckin' mess!" Jane now had tears roll down her cheeks. She wanted to hurt something, someone, herself. She was scared she was going to end up destroying herself, she didn't want to take anyone but Hoyt down with her. She especially didn't want to bring Maura down with her.

"Jane... Just talk to me. Please." The tears were now rolling down the doctors face. She was pleading, she couldn't deal with losing her friend.

Jane just shook her head. "You're... You're better off without me." Janes voice turned into a defeated whisper. _Everyone is._ She sighed looking down, wiping her face with her hand. "I'm sorry, Maur." Her voice was apologetic. She turned away from Maura and started to quickly walk away.

"Jane! Please don't leave!" Maura shouted out, her voice breaking. The Medical Examiner stood there feeling helpless as ever. Jane didn't stop. Maura tried again yelling out, "Jane, I _love_ you!"

Jane stopped moving, her body went rigid. She let out a sigh whispering silently to herself, "...I love you too." Before continuing to storm away.

* * *

**Thank you all for reading. I've tried to thank all that put this story on alerts and stuff personally and I'm sorry if I've missed you. It means the world to me and I absolutely love hearing your thoughts! Reviews are welcome, thanks again to all readers,**

**Crystal. (SleaterKinney)**


	9. I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone

***TRIGGER WARNINGS* Body Image  
**

**CHAPTER 9: I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone.  
**

* * *

It was about a week after the incident at her parents house when Jane finally ran into someone she knew. It wasn't by choice either, she had made precautions to avoid seeing any family members or... Maura but her partner Korsak had caught her on her garbage run.

"Jane, there you are! No one's seen you for over a week." Korsak said stopping Jane in her tracks.

"Uh yeah, I've uh. Been busy." Jane forced a smile on her face. She wasn't ready to see her partner yet, after what happened. She knew she looked like a mess and probably smelled of booze.

"Maura says you haven't been answering your phone or your door. You okay?" Korsak reached out to put his hand on his partners shoulder but Jane flinched from his touch.

"Yeah, like I said been busy. I should be getting this garbage down stairs." Jane lifted the bag up highlighting her words. She needed an excuse to get away.

"Hang on Jane, Maura's been upset this whole week. Are you going to tell me what happened?" Korsak's voice was starting to raise, he blocked Jane's way past.

Jane sighed, her palm going to her forehead. "I don't see how that is any of _your_ business."

"It turns into my business when our Medical Examiner is off her game and looks like she's going to burst out in sobs!" He practically yelled at Jane. His face was starting to turn a shade of red. "What did you _do_ to her?"

Jane paused for a second considering the next words out of her mouth. "I... Fucked things up." Her voice was quiet, her eyes looking down. She fucked things up in the hope that Maura would be better off without her but after that night she had gone downhill faster and it seemed Maura wasn't fairing well either. "How is she?"

"She's not doing too good, Jane. She's hurt."

That's the last thing Jane wanted to do to Maura. She felt that feeling of self-loathing again."...Fuck."

"Yeah, fuck is right Jane. I've never seen her so down. She's normally always happy."

"I'll uh, I'll talk to her okay. Right now I gotta get his bag of garbage out of my hands though." Jane pushed past Korsak pausing to turn back adding "I promise." She put her free hand on Korsak's shoulder. "I will."

"Thank you Jane." Korsak's tone wasn't aggressive anymore. "I'll see you at the squad some time soon yeah?"

"Yeah, I'll come back and see what you've guys managed to mess up." Jane joked walking away to dispose of her garbage.

Jane returned to her apartment disgusted with herself and at the empty bottles of beer that surrounded her couch. Walking past she kicked one over continuing to the bathroom. She was going to finally have to undress herself and take a shower. She had avoided it so far, not wanting to acknowledge the wounds or think about how they came to be on her skin. She sighed reaching the bathroom door. With her hand on the door knob she closed her eyes opening the door to walk into the room she was going to confront her fear.

The raven haired woman stripped her clothes off and stepped under the water raining down from the shower head. She had avoided all the mirrors so far focusing solely on washing her body and her hair. The water felt good against her skin and was long overdue. She let herself enjoy this moment as the water washed over her the feeling of disgust in herself started to fade to but she still didn't feel clean no matter how many showers she had and by the end of them she felt like utter crap. Still, she had to let herself try to enjoy this at least.

Once she was out of her bathroom and wrapped in a towel so she wouldn't accidentally catch a glimpse of her bare skin in any mirror she put on her clothes. Something nice to look like she made some sort of an effort to see Maura. She knew her friend or at least she hoped Maura was still her friend, would appreciate it Jane ended up wearing a dark blue or as Maura would call it 'Midnight Blue' or 'Prussian Blue' or something like that. Jane found herself smiling thinking about that but it turned into an uneasy smile thinking about having to see Maura soon. She was horrified of what Maura's reaction would be. She had thought about Maura's words the whole week. _'I love you.' _She didn't know how the Doctor meant it. She did however know how she meant it when she said it back.

Jane stepped out of the car grabbing the bottle of wine she grabbed on the way to Maura's and walked up to her front door knocking. No one answered. Why didn't she answer? Her car was out the front so why wasn't she at the door? Jane shook her head. If Maura was ignoring her it was only what she had been doing to her the last week; if she got upset she'd be a hypocrite. Jane let out a sigh knocking again hoping this time she would get an answer.

She did.

The door opened and Jane found herself surprisingly, for once, dressed nicer than her counterpart. Maura was only wearing a gown. Okay, maybe she wasn't dressed as nicely. Knowing Maura that gown would have cost quite a lot and Maura looked great in almost anything.

"Jane? What-What are you doing here?" Maura smiled awkwardly and being ever polite she invited the detective in. Maura seemed nervous, Jane summed that up to the fact they hadn't talked and how Jane stupidly treated her.

"Hey Maur." Jane said sheepishly scratching the back of her head with her free hand.

"Hey, give me a second and I'll be back." Maura smiled turning and walking into her bedroom closing the door behind her. This left Jane standing awkwardly alone in the living room waiting for Maura's return but she was greeted with someone else.

A guy.  
A shirtless guy.  
A shirtless guy coming out from Maura's bedroom.

Jane didn't need to be a detective to work out what he was here for. Upon seeing him and coming to that realisation the bottle of wine slipped from her grasp crashing onto the floor below. The bottle hit the side of the coffee table smashing it open. The red liquid started soaking into the carpet. "Oh shit!" Jane dropped onto her knees right onto the glass picking up the pieces of the broken bottle. Fucking fuck. "I'm sorry, Maura." Jane just kept messing things up more.

"It's okay Jane, come up off the glass." Maura rushed to Jane's side putting her hand on her friends shoulder. "Seriously, it's okay."

"Uh. Are you ladies okay here? I kinda gotta go..." Jane's eyes closed as she heard that 'boytoys' voice. She just wanted to slap him across his god damn face.

"Oh. Yeah we'll be fine." Maura said more focused on Jane than him. She didn't even look up at him. "Come on" Maura helped Jane up.

"Fuck Maur, I came over here to apologise and I've messed up your carpet." Jane confessed her hands on her forehead. She looked at the slightly shorter woman her eyebrows raised in worry.

"Jane you're bleeding" Jane looked at her knees seeing the broken glass had left gashes in her knees.

"Shit. Maur, don't worry about that. Focus on the carpet." Jane walked past Maura and out of her grip to the kitchen.

"Jane, I'd rather focus on the cuts on your knees" Maura said seriously rushing next to Jane. "I can get a new carpet."

"Let's just quickly sort this out first and then you can play doctor with me, yeah?" Jane smiled trying to show Maura she was okay. "Where's your salt Maur?"

"I'll get it." Maura searched through her cupboard to grab her salt before handing it to Jane. "What are you going to do with this?"

"Wow, you don't know about the salt trick?"

"Salt... Trick?" Maura cocked her head to the left giving Jane those funny feelings she didn't fully understand.

"I know something the great Maura Isles doesn't? Well, growing up me and my brothers got into a lot of mess and often things got... Spilled. Ma used salt to keep liquids from setting in the carpet." Jane explained shaking the salt over the affected area. "Now we'll make a compromise. I'll sit down next to this and clean it and you can look at my knee."

"Okay, great idea. Let me gather the supplies." Maura hurried away quickly returning to pass Jane a bowl of water, a cloth and a baking soda paste she quickly whipped up. As Jane cleaned the floor she felt Maura lift up her pant leg revealing the wounds.

"You aren't going to need stitches. I'll clean it up though, it might sting a little." Maura said softly as her hands trailed up Jane's leg before she started to clean the wounds and dress them.

"Uh, yeah back to why I'm here. I just wanted to apologise for avoiding you and stuff Maur. I've been handling things shittily... And I know that isn't a word but yeah." Jane focused even harder on dabbing the carpet the more she talked.

Maura didn't respond. She just continued to sort out her friends knee. Little did Jane know, her friend was holding back tears. Maura was unbelievably hurt though she didn't want Jane to see it. She saw Jane as a strong independent woman and damned if she was going to let her friend see how hurt she made her.

"Maur? You okay?" And just like that a strange high pitched sound came out of Maura's mouth. Something Jane had never heard before. A squeak? Jane forced her focus away from the carpet and moved her eyes onto the doctors face. What she saw was her friend struggling not to burst into tears. Shit! Jane hated seeing this. "Maura?" Jane put her hand on top of Maura's and that squeak came out of the doctors mouth again. "Honey?"

With that word came a whimper from Maura's mouth. "I'm-I'm o-okay." Maura tried to wave Jane off but her face contorted and scrunched up as she tried to keep the sobs from escaping her mouth. "I-I..." Maura clasped her hand over her mouth.

"Shit! Maura I'm-I'm sorry!" Jane moved and wrapped her arms around her friend.

"I'm sorry I can't control the-the connection my anygdala and lacrimal gland have right now. And I-" She whimpered again her hand going back over her mouth.

"Shh, honey. It's okay. I didn't mean to hurt you." Jane pat Maura's back holding her close. "I never meant to hurt you."

"I know you would never intentionally hurt me" Maura wiped her eyes, "Emotional pain is a subject that I don't completely understand." Maura moved back and smiled widely at Jane but it quickly turned into a frown. "We're still friends, aren't we?"

"Of course we are." Jane rubbed Maura's arm. "I'm sorry I did anything to make you think otherwise."

"Thank you, Jane. I was horrified at the prospect of losing you."

Jane didn't know how to respond. She rubbed Maura's arm. She wanted to hold the woman in her arms and tell her that she'd never ever lose her. "So, who was that Neanderthal?" Jane said instead as an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Oh him, met him the other day. He's quite handsome, isn't he?"

Jane made a disgusted face. "If you like that kinda thing... What does he do?"

"He's the lead singer in a punk rock band. It's quite interesting."

_I could be yours. _"Seriously Maur? You can do better than that."

Maura just shrugged. "He's okay."

_You could have me. _Jane just smiled. She didn't think she would be any better for Maura, though. She was a wreck. Maura deserved the best. Jane's heart started to betray her giving her those unwanted feelings she tried to hide away.

"What about you? Seeing anyone?"

"Me? Nah." Jane answered directly moving back to continue dabbing the carpet.

"Like anyone?" Maura nudged Jane softly.

_Yes._

_You._

"Nah." Jane became focused on the carpet once again. Her blotting became harder and harder the more her eyes burned into the carpet.

"Really? Come on you have to be interested in someone!"

_I am._

_You._

"I'm serious Maur. Not into anyone." Jane laughed a little and dried the carpet after getting the stain out. "There you go Maur, good as new."

Maura inspected the carpet. "Wow Jane, well done."

"I have many skills." The Detective shrugged standing up. "Anyway, I better uh... Go." She avoided eye contact with Maura.

"Oh... Uh. Yeah. I'll talk to you soon though right?"

"Right." Jane smiled at Maura going in for a hug. "I'll see you soon."

"Hey Jane?" Maura called out after Jane as she started to walk away.

"Yeah?"

"Are you feeling okay? You look a little under the weather."

"Gee thanks for saying I look like crap, Maur. I'm fine." Jane flashed her friend a smile before continuing out the door.

On the way past Maura's mailbox she stopped getting out a pen and piece of paper

_I want to be your Joey Ramone._

_- Jane._

She slipped the piece of paper into the mailbox slot and continued to her car, her stomach twisting and turning.

* * *

***AUTHORS NOTE* **

**I'm going on holiday for a few days so there might be a slight delay for the next update. If I get the chance, though I'll try to update again tomorrow before I leave. Thanks for all your support,**

**Crystal. (SleaterKinney)**


	10. Let's Call It Love

**Since I'm in a good mood, here have a chapter before I leave!**

**Also, I'm not comfortable writing... Intimate things. It feels awkward, so I'm very sorry if it's bad :/**

***TRIGGER WARNINGS* Sexual Assault/Flashbacks**

**CHAPTER 10: Let's Call It Love.**

* * *

Jane couldn't get Maura out of her head. She was sat in the car outside Maura's house contemplating whether or whether not to run back in and try to convey all these feelings inside her but she was terrified and those feelings inside didn't make complete sense to her. She started the car and drove to a nearby coffee shop. Jane rest her head against the steering wheel and sighed loudly jumping a little when her phone went off. She blindly grabbed her phone and found a message from Maura.

_Did you put that note in my mailbox Jane?_

Jane scrunched her eyebrows together, groaning. She couldn't see Maura's face so she didn't know how the Doctor was reacting.

_Yes._

Beep.

_I don't understand what it means. You want to be my Joey Ramone? Joey Ramone was a the lead singer in the Punk Rock band 'The Ramones'. I personally haven't listened to many of their songs but I do know quite a bit about their cultural influence within society. _

Jane sighed trying to fight the smile that grew on her face. As frustrating as it was that Maura didn't understand what Jane was trying to say, it was fucking cute.

_Listen to the song, Maur. _

Beep.

_What song?_

_I wanna be your Joey Ramone. Google it, Maur._

Jane waited nervously for Maura's response. Her hand was tapping the steering wheel when finally there was a message from Maura.

_Is this something to do with Gary?_

Jane closed her eyes. Gary must be the name of that douche.

_If you mean that shirtless d-bag. Yes._

Beep.

_You want to be him?_

Jane gulped as she sent her next message with shaky hands.

_Yes._

Her hands started tapping the lock screen on her phone waiting for her friends response.

_Well, there's some good guitar tutors around. I didn't know you were into Punk Rock, Jane._

Jane groaned loudly banging her head repeatedly against the steering wheel in frustration. "Ahhhghhh." Maura had missed the whole point of the note. Or was she infuriating Jane on purpose? Jane pinched the space between her eyes and sighed. She started her car again trying to focus on the road in front of her.

Once Jane made her way into her apartment she sighed heavily setting herself on her couch. She closed her eyes leaning back into the couch. Jane grabbed her phone out of her pocket finally replying to Maura.

_Maur, come over tonight around 8? _

Jane hit send, once again closing her eyes and relaxing in on her couch. Her eyes opened as she realised what she did. Shit. If Maura said yes she'd have to clean her house. Jane's eyes closed tightly and she groaned. It wasn't fair liking someone she couldn't have. She checked her phone.

_Sure. Dinner?_

_If you can stand my cooking. _Jane laughed hitting send.

_I'll bring something over. See you then x._

Jane smiled but then soon remembered how messy her place was. It was time for her to clean up before Maura got here.

Jane opened the door to greet Maura who got there right at 8.00PM. Punctual as always."Hey Maur, what are we having?" With a hand on the small of the Doctors back Jane invited her in closing the door behind them.

"Italian! It smells beautiful, doesn't it?" Maura exclaimed with a grin on her face walking over to the kitchen bench placing the parcels on top. "I'll get us both a plate."

"Yeah, it actually does." Jane's stomach was growling angrily at her. She had been mistreating it and keeping it of food. She sat down on the couch clearing the coffee table enough so that the plates would fit. Maura brought herself and Jane a plate of food setting it down on the table before sitting right next to the Detective.

"Here you go, you sound hungry!" Maura stated as she began to eat her food.

"Thanks Maur, looks delicious." Jane grabbed a fork and started shovelling the food into her mouth. She was starving. Jane finished eating first, of course and decided to start watching 'Imagine Me & You' again.

"Oh, this is a great movie! I love the awareness it brought to the LGBTQI community!" Maura exclaimed, her head turning to look at Jane with a grin plastered on her face.

"Yeah, I watched a bit of it the other week. It ain't half bad." Jane smiled back at her friend. God, Maura was adorable. That's the only thought that was running through the Detectives mind. She forced her gaze onto the TV and watched the wedding all over again. "Hey Dr. Isles?"

"Yes, Detective Rizzoli?"

"You know how I feel about you, don't you?" Jane's gaze returned to Maura and she watched as Maura looked at her, her eyes full of thought.

"Well Jane, since I've known you, you haven't been a person to open up about how they feel. I can say for sure that _I_ care for you and you mean a lot to me and I'd hope you feel the same way about me." Maura set her fork down and answered her friends question with complete seriousness. It warmed Jane's heart turning her into a pile of goo.

"Well the way I feel towards you, let's... Let's just call it love." Jane edged closer to Maura, their thighs pressing against each other. "Yeah, it's love." Jane's arm went around Maura's waist, her head resting on her friends shoulder. "I love..." _You._ "Hanging out with you." Jane felt her smile falter but she kept it up. Why couldn't she say she loved Maura? Why did saying those three words terrify her so much? Because she didn't want to hurt the woman she loved. That's why.

"Well with how much we hang out I would think it strange if you didn't love it." Came Maura's reply. Jane felt Maura's hand wrap around her shoulder and it just felt so nice. It felt comforting. She didn't want it to end. "Um. Actually Jane, I should go. I... Have... Some." Maura gulped, the side of her mouth twitching the tiniest bit. "Unfinished paperwork" She breathed in deeply, moving her arm from Jane as she stood up. Jane knew Maura was lying. She was a horrible liar and she was already breaking out in hives. "Sorry, Jane. I'll uh. I'll talk to you soon." Maura grabbed her bag and practically bolted out the door leaving Jane on the couch wondering what the hell just happened.

Jane felt the hurt set in almost instantaneously. She was having trouble understanding the motives under Maura's recent actions. They seemed sporadic. Why did she just leave so fast? What did Jane do wrong? Jane bit her lip hard feeling horrible. Her hand went to her face and she sighed heavily trying to stop the hurt from radiating through her body. Her phone beeped. She just closed her eyes wanting to hide away from the world. It beeped again. With a groan and her fist hitting the soft cushion she got up and checked it. Two messages from Maura. Hesitantly, she opened them.

_Have you ever kissed a girl?_

_Jane?_

Jane's eyebrows raised a little. What? Why was Maura asking her if she'd ever kissed a girl before? Maura's actions just got even more confusing. What was going on in that head of hers?

_No, why? Have you? _

Jane set her phone down on the coffee table and plonked herself down on the couch again hearing another message from Jane she checked it.

_No I have not experienced that yet. I actually left because I felt an overwhelming urge for intimate contact that went past the boundaries friendly cuddling sets._

What? Jane's heart stopped, her eyes bulged. What did Maura mean by that!? Who did she want to do more than cuddle with and what did she actually want to do? Jane's heart tried to convince her it was Jane she wanted but her mind kept that glimmer of hope getting too big. Jane stood up and darted out her front door leaving it open. Her legs ran as fast as they could down the stairs and out the front door. She heard Maura's car start up and start to drive away.

"Maura! Wait!" Jane's legs took initiative and started sprinting after the car. "Maura!" Jane felt her knees almost give out and that's when she stopped running, trying to catch her breath. "Shit!" She grabbed her phone out blinking rapidly to get her vision clear enough to dial Maura's number but the Doctor didn't pick up. "Fuck." She hoped that she didn't miss her chance with Maura. Maura's intentions were going to keep the detective up all night trying to work out what the blonde wanted.

Jane slowly walked back to her apartment disappointed and exhausted, still she had that little glimmer of hope in her heart that she kept in control from growing too big. After 5 minutes of laying on her couch with a hundred things going in her mind at once she decided to reply to Maura.

_What's going on?_

She tried to gather her fingers together, to stop them from twisting the hem of her shirt while she wait for a reply but she had no such luck.

_Just in the bath._

It honestly felt like Maura was teasing her. She tried to shake the images out of her mind but they wouldn't budge. No, Maura wouldn't do that. No, no. Jane felt her lip slip between her teeth. The image of Maura in the bath wouldn't leave her mind. Her hand had a mind of it's own as it trailed down her torso. It had been so long... Her fingers slipped under the waistband of her pants while her other hand held her phone texting Maura back.

_Really?_

Jane's fingers slid deeper and underneath her underwear resting on her pubic mound as she waited for Maura's response.

_Yes, quite relaxing. Why? You don't believe me? I can provide photogenic evidence if needed._

Jane's teeth dug into her lip harder, her fingers in her pants restless.

_Go on then, send a photo. _

Jane's arousal directed her response. Her hand started sliding deeper down her pants as she waited for a response from the friend she found herself sexually attracted to at this moment in time. Her phone beeped and she was almost afraid to look at it. She looked at her phone and saw a little image of the photo Maura sent. Jane was almost drawing blood at this point but that didn't stop her unlocking her phone and clicking on the image to make it full-screen. When she did her eyes closed and she forced her teeth to let go of her lip otherwise she'd end up wish a gashed lip as well as swollen which it already was.

She opened them again to reveal the photo that Maura took. Maura had one arm reached out to take a photo, the other hanging over the edge of her huge bathtub. Her cleavage was showing the tiniest bit and she had a grin on her face, her hair wet and messy. There were bubbles on her chest and the room was lit with candles. Jane would have given her left arm to be there right now.

Jane set her phone down and closed her eyes, her fingers moved down further until they reached in-between her folds and onto her clitoris. As her finger found its' mark Jane tightened her jaw and started tracing circles against herself with thoughts of Maura dancing around in her head. She felt herself getting closer and then Hoyt's face flashed in her mind. She flinched a little but still soldiered on with her finger pleasuring herself. She didn't want to have Hoyt stop this in her life. She forced the image of Maura in the bath in her mind again and brought herself close, her breathing rapid when she saw what Hoyt did to her. What he forced into her. She gasped loudly shouting "No!" loudly before a sob escaped her mouth. Her hand came out of her pants as she gave up after the images that flashed in her mind.

"Fuckin' shit!" Jane tried to get her breath back as she turned onto her side facing the TV. She looked at Maura's photo again for a split second before sighing heavily and hiding her face in her couch cushion.

* * *

**Well there you go, oh man. So nervous right now. ._. Hope it's okay! And I should update within a week, I'm literally publishing this chapter half an hour before I leave for my holiday.**

**Thanks to all readers,**

**Crystal. (SleaterKinney) **


	11. Dig Me Out

***TRIGGER WARNINGS* Rape/Violence**

**CHAPTER 11: Dig Me Out.**

* * *

Jane sighed as she got in the car to go have dinner with her parents. She hadn't gotten a wink of sleep last night, not after that failed attempt at pleasuring herself. That and finding herself lusting after her best friend. Last night as she watched TV to distract herself her mind kept returning to that photo of Maura, the way a few strands of hair were stuck across her cheek and how god damn beautiful she looked. Jane had gotten ready 30 minutes early to stop in at Maura's to see if she wanted to come. That and she really just wanted to see her.

Jane arrived at Maura's just as her friend came out the front door. "Hey Maura?" Jane called out getting Maura's attention. The way Maura responded made the detective grin. Maura jumped the slightest her mouth opening in an 'o' shape as she looked towards Jane. She really recovered though, waving at Jane. "Ma's having dinner, wanna come?"

Maura walked towards Jane and Jane's eyes were on her friend's hips, watching as they rolled in that purple dress she wore. How did she look so good walking? "Hey, your Mother actually already invited me. I was just about to leave."

"I'll give you a ride." Jane grinned, one hand on the wheel the other hanging out the window. "Come on." Patting the seat next to her she waited for Maura's reaction and when her head nodded yes Jane quickly manoeuvred across to the other side of the car quite awkwardly before getting out on the passenger side and opening it for Maura.

"Oh, how sweet of you Jane." Maura grinned and Jane felt like a kid in school being praised. She smirked briskly walking around the car and got back in starting the car. As Jane drove to her parents house she couldn't help but steal little glances at Maura when she wasn't looking every then and again. This whole attraction she felt towards Maura was starting to get out of control and she to be honest, didn't mind one minute of it.

"You look amazing as always." Jane casually commented; the smile on her face staying strong. She turned to see Maura's reaction and that smile on her face widened. Maura faced her a huge grin on her face.

"Thanks Jane. You look great too."

"Yeah, I'm wearing that chick magnet suit you wore at the bar." Jane chuckled a little teasing her friend playfully. "Okay, we're here."

"Well, that suit is certainly drawing me in." Maura grinned, pleased with herself.

Jane tensed her stomach hearing Maura's words. Though she loved the way Maura's words made her feel recently they also distracted Jane and confused her even more. They made Jane want Maura more and those feelings that surfaced recently ate at her all day long. She had never felt that way towards any one before, not for this long. Jane wasn't one for that romance and stuff. Sure she had little crushes and stuff but nothing like this. She wanted to hold Maura, spend all day with her which she basically did already. She came to the realisation last night that she did indeed love this woman and had for a long time.

The pair stood at the front door and Jane knocked waiting for one of her family members to answer. Her brother Frankie answered and immediately greeted her with a hug and once again his hug hurt her but she was determined to not let it show. Still only Maura knew about the cuts that had maimed her thighs and back.

"Hey Janie!" And there was that name again. Jane's teeth clenched against each other, her eyes closing tightly. Did he not learn from last time? Her brother let go and gave Maura a hug. "Hey Dr. Isles! Glad you could make it." Frankie hugged Maura a bit too long for Jane's liking.

"Okay big guy, move along." Jane pushed him lightly motioning him inside. The women followed him in and was greeted by Angela who gave Jane another painful hug. "Hey Ma, can I talk to you for a second?" Jane wanted to apologise to her Mother properly face to face.

"Sure Janie-Uh I mean Jane. Sorry."

Jane flinched the tiniest bit but she appreciated her mother's quick editing of her mistake. She put her hand on her Ma's back leading her towards the empty living room. "Hey Ma, I'm sorry about the other week and about avoiding you. I love you, Ma."

"Jane, I love you too. I'm sorry, I just get so worried." Angela's brows were twisted in concern. Her mother went in for another hug which Jane let happen. "Thanks, Ma." Jane returned the hug before walking with her mother back to the dining room and took her place right next to Maura.

"Hey." Jane smiled at Maura looking into her best friends eyes. Maura returned the gaze that made Jane's heart melt.

"Hey Frankie, got it yet?" Jane heard her dad call out from under the sink and looked over trying to see what was happening. Looked like the sink was broken.

"Yeah, I'm coming back now Pa!" Jane heard her brother reply and then felt a hard object jab her in the side. She jumped and turned to see what was jabbing her and it was a wrench. A fucking wrench. The blood drained from Jane's face and her brother jabbed her with it again and she snapped. Her eyes closed and when she opened them Frankie was on the ground, her fist coming down onto his face. "Don't you _fucking_ touch me with that again!" She heard coming out of her mouth.

When she realised what she had done she quickly got up, helping her brother up. "Shit, fucking shit I'm-I'm sorry." Her voice kept breaking. She was trying to hold back the sobs that were going to come out of her mouth. Not again, not a-fucking-gain. She looked down at her brother and then at each face of everyone in the room and they all looked in shock. Her gaze fell onto Frankie's again. "I'm so sorry. I have to go, I..." Jane's hands went to her face wiping it. "Shit!" She groaned throwing her hands down and walking out the door to her car. She didn't punch it this time, she just opened her door and sat down slamming the door shut.

Shortly after she heard a tapping on her window. She slowly looked up to see Maura. Her hand went to unlock the doors allowing Maura in. Her friend got in the car and closed the door.

The Detectives eyes went to her lap. "Jane, do you want to talk?" Maura asked carefully, her hand going softly onto Jane's shoulder.

Jane replied with a little nod of her head which said no.

"Well, as much as the Limbic system is needed sometimes one can wish to be without some of it's features." Maura explained trying to make Jane feel better.

Jane just turned her head to look at the Pathologist with her eyebrows raised. She had no idea what Maura was talking about. She let out a chuckle, "Jeeze Maur. Still with the google mouth?"

"Oh, sorry. The Limbic system is a set of primitive brain structures that is located on top of the Brainstem. It's buried under the cortex, it's involved with many of our emotions and motivations. The way you reacted with Frankie makes sense that this system was involved as in those emotions and motivations related to survival are involved in this particular system." Maura was gushing out all these words. Worry and stress a contributing factor to this case of Google mouth.

Jane just stared at Maura blankly trying to make sense of what she was trying to say. "In basic language."

"Oh um." Maura blushed a little. "Basically, as much as you can wish you didn't have any, Homo Sapiens have emotions and it seems those emotions are affecting you in a negative way right now."

Jane smirked the tiniest bit before going back to a frown. "Thanks, I guess." The detective desperately wanted to admit everything to Maura, to let it out instead of having it build up any more but she didn't know how to tell her friend that she was sexually assaulted.

"My family, you know them. They can be a bit... Overwhelming. Right now I'm finding it... Hard to uh..." Jane trailed off, her eyes going back to her lap. Jane felt Maura's hand start to rub her shoulder causing Jane to relax a little, her stomach muscles relaxing from their earlier tensing.

"That's understandable, Jane. I, myself have problems with being around people some times."

Jane looked at right into Maura's eyes. She couldn't stop the next words coming out of her mouth. She needed to tell someone. "I was raped, Maura. He fucking..." Her eyes left Maura's for a second before looking back up. Maura's reaction was something Jane had never seen before. Her left eye twitched a little, her lips pursing and if looks could kill Jane would be dead. Maura was starting to tear up, the watering in her eyes matching Janes.

"_Fuck_ him." Maura said, her voice low. Jane was surprised by Maura's use of the word 'fuck'. She didn't think she'd ever heard her say that before. Before she could say anything Maura lunged at Jane, her hands wrapping around her friend. "I'm here for you, Jane. I'll always be here." Maura hugged Jane tightly, her arms avoiding the wounds.

As soon as Jane heard those words the barrier she tried to keep up came down. Her arms went around Maura, gripping her as if her life depended on it and sobs came out. "He-He used a..." Jane couldn't get the last word out, her sobs preventing her from talking. She felt Maura rub her back and her grip on her friend got tighter.

"He used a fu-fucking wrench, Maura." Jane's words were almost incoherent. "Fucking, fuck Maur." She still held Maura as if she was holding onto her for dear life. Maura didn't let go and Jane didn't want her to. They just sat there holding each other until Jane pulled away, tears in her eyes. "Fuck Maur, I'm-I'm not coping." She confessed, her hands resting on Maura's hips.

"You've been through a traumatic experience. It's good that you are talking to me about it but you should consider perhaps seeing a psychologist or rape counsellor." Maura explained, rubbing Jane's arm. "Do you want to go back inside or I can drive you home?" Maura asked, her eyes full of concern.

"I uh, I better go apologise properly." Jane ran her hand through her hair trying to work out how she was going to fix this. "Just gotta calm down and collect myself a bit first." She leant back against the chair.

"Here, look at me sweetheart." Maura said and it gave Jane those oh so familiar butterflies. She turned towards Maura looking at her and then felt Maura's hand cupping her cheek. Jane's eyes went to Maura's lips and back to her eyes. She wanted to touch Maura, to be comforted and feel good instead of feeling this this frightened little girl who was afraid of the monsters under the bed. In reality though, Jane's monster was real.

Maura looked away from Jane, reaching into her bag and got out a wet wipe. Jane didn't notice, she was too entranced by her friends face. Jane felt her lips curving into a smile getting bigger each second she stared at her friend. Maura's soft hand was still on Jane's cheek and her other hand came to Jane's face to reveal a tissue that was used to wipe the tears off Jane's face. Jane normally wouldn't let someone do this for her but she enjoyed and needed Maura looking after her right now, she needed Maura to keep herself from completely breaking apart. She just _needed_ Maura.

When Maura pulled her hands away Jane couldn't help herself. She lunged forward, her goal was to kiss Maura but just at the last second her head moved left and she hugged her friend instead. "Okay I'm ready to go in can you uh, come with me?" Jane asked awkwardly as she moved back onto her own side of the car.

"Of course, Jane." Maura stepped out of the car with Jane and the pair assembled together at the front door again. Jane slowly moved her hand and grasped Maura's much to the Queen of Deaths' surprise. When Maura squeezed the hand in her grasp Jane knocked on her front door to have her Ma open the door.

"Hey uh, Ma. Can I talk to everyone?" Jane scratched her head nervously finding it hard to gather her fingers together and keep them still.

"You really hurt Frankie, Jane!" Angela scolded but moved back from the door letting the women come in. Maura's hand was still grasped in Jane's and neither of the women had any intention of letting go. Everyone was still at the table so Jane got all their attention.

"Excuse me, uh. Everyone. I have something to tell you." Jane was playing with Maura's fingers.

"You're finally coming out Jane?" Frankie joked holding an icepack to his cheek.

"What do you mean Frankie? We just came in." Maura obviously didn't understand what he meant.

"Maura just..." Jane sighed shaking her head. "Okay no Frankie, I just wanted to apologise to everyone." Jane squeezed Maura's hand. "I'm sorry I uh, don't know what came over me Frankie but I need you all to know that one of the things... Hoyt attacked me with was a wrench. And I had a... Flash back or something like that, of what he did to me when you jabbed me with it." Jane looked at Frankie. "I'm sorry."

"Oh Jane we're so sorry!" Angela began but Jane put her hand up in protest. "Please Ma, let me finish."

"I've been finding it hard to be around people. It's been really overwhelming. I love you all so much but I need a bit of time alone, ya know?" Jane continued, her hand still tight on Maura's. "That's all really."

Angela rushed to Jane's side hugging her tightly. It hurt Jane once again but this wasn't something they needed to know. Jane didn't want them to worry more than they already were. To her disappointment Jane was forced to let go of Maura's hand to hug her Mother back. "I love you Ma."

"I love you too Jane." Her mum gushed back.

Her dad came up to Jane patting her shoulder as Angela let go of Jane. "You're still my little princess" He grinned.

"Come on Pa, me a princess? I don't think so." Jane's hand found Maura's again.

"You'll always be a princess to me Jane."

Jane smirked walking over to Frankie hand in hand with Maura. "Hey Frankie, you okay?" Jane reached out and put her hand on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry."

"Hah, that's okay I've had worse." He chuckled a little smirking.

"Yeah, sure you have." Jane laughed a little. "Anyway I might uh, go and take some time off. Is that okay with everyone?" Jane asked everyone in the room.

"You can go Jane, do you want any leftovers?" Angela walked into the kitchen getting a container.

"Nah it's okay, Ma. I'm just gonna go chill with Maur tonight. If.. That's okay with her." Jane turned to look at Maura and the Medical Examiner just nodded. The smile on Jane's face became wider, feeling better after apologising to everyone. "I'll talk to you all soon, promise."

Still holding each others hands they started to walk towards the front door. "Hang on a second, Jane. Can I talk to Dr. Isles for a minute?" Jane heard her Mother call out causing her to stop and turn around.

"Uh, yeah okay." Jane pursed her eyebrows wondering why her Mother wanted to talk to Maura. She was forced to let go of the Doctors hand and she gave Maura one last look as if she was saying 'you better tell me what she wanted when you get out' and walked out the door to her car. She kept playing with her fingers playing with the bandages as she kicked the dirt around with her feet. A few minutes later Maura came out a smile on her face and Jane looked up at her. "Tell. Me. Everything." Jane pointed her finger at Maura.

Maura just giggled a little and it sounded like magic to Jane's ears. "She just wanted to thank me for helping you out and then she said something I didn't understand."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. It was quite confusing."

"Maur?"

"Yes Jane?" Maura just cocked her head to the left the tiniest bit and smiled

"So... What did she say?" Jane coaxed Maura.

"Oh. She told me that you need a man and she stressed the male part.. It came out of nowhere. It was... Strange." Maura looked confused, leaning against the car door.

Fucking Ma. Jane frowned. "Seriously?! She said that to you? Jesus. I'm going back in there." Jane said, pissed off as she headed back to the door but Maura grabbing her hand arm. "Jane, I don't think she meant any harm. She just wants to make sure you're okay." Maura smiled.

Maura's smile stopped Jane's anger and Maura pulled Jane back towards her. The Detective ended up pressed against Maura who was in the middle of the car and Jane. In the midst of the moment Jane whispered "Would it be so bad if it wasn't a man?" Before she realised what she was saying and moved off Maura covering up her words by laughing. Damn, this whole lusting after her best friend thing was starting to get the better of her. "Hey come on, I'll drive you home." She walked to her side of the car flashing Maura a smile before getting in and driving to Maura's.

* * *

**Sorry about the delay! Holidays went great, though. Gave me a lot of story ideas which I've used to write a one-shot about that jar of Marmite! :P**

**Enjoy and thanks as always**,

**Crystal. (SleaterKinney.)**


	12. Good Things

**CHAPTER 12: Good Things.**

* * *

"So how is Gary going?" Jane asked turning the engine off.

"Yeah, I don't know about him. It was fun at first but he is not intellectually simulating. I was going to have sex with him but I guess I'll have to go without for a little while longer." Maura shrugged before stepping out of the car. Jane hid her smile.

"Oh well, there are plenty of other fish in the sea." Jane still avoided looking at Maura because of the smile that was on her face. "He did seem pretty dull."

"Yeah I'm thinking about that woman in the bar who gave me her number." Maura said casually opening her front door. Her words caused Jane's legs to stop working for a second, frozen in place. "Uh what? That... girls number?"

"Yeah, I was thinking about seeing what it'd be like to be with a woman." Maura sounded so casual as if this was a normal revelation.

"So, you're into... Women?" Jane forced her legs to start working again, her mouth dry as she walked into the house.

"Well, I haven't really done anything with women before but I'm an open-minded and curious person and I don't exactly have the best luck with men, do I?" Maura laughed, her hand going on Jane's arm.

Jane's mouth just got drier. "Uh, could I uh. Have a glass of water?" Jane croaked out awkwardly smiling. Her hand went to her face, wiping her forehead. All that was going through Jane's mind was 'You could experiment with me.' But Jane was a mess. She scowled the tiniest bit annoyed with herself when Maura walked into the kitchen.

"Yeah, here you go." Maura handed Jane a glass of water before walking to the lounge room sitting on her couch. Jane felt as though her legs were stuck in place. She just watched Maura sitting down still a bit alarmed with Maura's words. "Coming?" Maura smiled looking up at Jane.

"Uh yeah, yeah. Sorry kinda spaced out there." Jane shook her head a little setting down the glass of water before slowly making her way towards Maura, her eyes locked on Maura's actions watching her turn the TV on.

She wanted contact with her friend but she didn't know how far she was willing to go, she didn't want to have Hoyt be associated with Maura in any way. Most of her wanted to just grab Maura in her arms and confess all these feelings that were swelling up inside. Explain to Maura how perfect she was and how much Jane enjoyed and needed the company the doctor provided. It was easy to describe her feelings in her head but Jane knew that once she tried to say them in words it wouldn't work out well.

Jane sat down next to Maura, relaxing back as much as she could and tried to keep her eyes on the TV but they kept going back onto Maura dissecting her features, the curves of her face, the way the corner of her mouth would twitch into a small smile when something on TV amused her or made her happy. How could Jane tell Maura these things right after she confessed she'd been raped? And what did Maura think of her? That she was a weakling? That she should be back at work by now? Jane's mind was running a hundred miles an hour and Maura noticed this.

"Jane?"

"Yeah Maur?" Jane turned her face to look at Maura her eyes displaying her mind was full in thought.

"What's on your mind Jane?"

"You don't want to know, trust me." Jane chuckled a little softly poking her friend. She didn't know how to tell Maura what was going on in her mind because the thought was changing every second. It ranged from wondering what Maura was thinking about her to thinking about what happened at her parents house earlier and then to ice cream.

"No, I do." Maura squinted a little eyeing Jane off. "Human thoughts interest me and you are my favourite human so I'd love to know what's going on in that head of yours." She smiled.

"Well..." Jane didn't know where to begin. "There's many things going on in this damn head of mine." Jane looked at her hands that were at her lap, watching the fingers play with each other.

"You're doing that thing you do when you're nervous Jane." Maura's soft hand went on top of Janes'. "You don't have to be nervous around me, you are welcome to tell me anything." The lighter haired woman wiggled closer to Jane, wrapping her arm around Jane's slender waist.

Jane kept her eyes at her lap but a smile appeared on her face thanks to Maura's words. "Well, honestly recently I've thought a lot about..." _You. _"What happened to me." Fucking hell. Jane grimaced slightly annoyed that she couldn't express her feelings in words, she was too afraid and that wasn't who she was. She was strong, in actions anyway. When it came to feelings it often didn't work out and she didn't want to lose Maura. _Come on, Jane. Come on. You can do it._

"Well, that's completely normal after someone experiences something like thi-"

Jane cut Maura off. "Stop. Maur. It's something else. It's something hard for me to uh, talk about."

"Well I'm here Jane." Maura tightened her hold on her friend subsequently giving her butterflies.

"Well, I..." _Like you... Love you. _Jane swallowed. "I... Like... Someone." Her face lit up, blushing. "And you know me, I'm crap when it comes to this shit." Jane shrugged a little.

Maura paused a little, in thought. "Do they know?"

Jane shrugged.

"Do they feel the same?"

Jane shrugged again.

"Well I would think one would be incredibly stupid not to like you." Jane felt Maura's hands rubbing her back, consoling her.

"I dunno, I'd find it hard to love someone like me." Jane confessed in a whisper.

"Stop being silly Jane. You're very much loveable."

Jane just shrugged again.

"Do you mind if I ask who you like?"

_You!_ Jane wanted to scream. _It's you, it's you, it's you! I want to be with you!_ But she just couldn't admit it to Maura. She was fucking scared and she loathed it. Instead she wracked her brain trying to work out a name._ Quick, Jane... Maura's looking at you. _"Uh, Gio-Giovanni."

"Giovanni?" Maura's grip loosened a little.

"Uh yeah, someone I used to go to school with. Our families know each other." Jane's hands fiddled with each other even more. She hated lying to Maura. Her eyes were still aimed at her lap, ashamed with herself.

"Well? What do you think about a double date?" Maura suggested, rubbing Jane's back.

"Uh I'm not a double date kinda person Maur." Jane slowly looked up at Maura a smile on her face. The smile was filled with insecurity though.

"I've always wanted to go on a double date." Maura pouted a little looking up in thought.

"Okay... Maybe one day, when you stop guilt tripping me." Jane's smile widened as she leant against Maura but her friend pulled away.

"What? Guilt tripping you? I didn't mean to..." Maura looked the slightest bit offended making Jane regret her words. Jane's hands went quickly on top of Maura's.

"Oh honey, I didn't mean it like that. I was just kidding around." Jane apologised looking deeply into her friends eyes. She wished she could know what her friend was thinking, what she was feeling. She wished she could tell if Maura liked her.

"Oh." Maura smiled again cuddling close to the detective again. "We _are_ going to go on a double date though." She added causing Jane to smile wide.

"I bet on it." Jane turned her body towards Maura. "Hey Maura, did you ever have sleepovers where slept on the couch?"

"Well I... I never had sleepovers as a child but yes if you count the time you passed out on the floor and I forced you to get up and rest on the couch." Maura smiled sweetly.

"Haha. No. That doesn't count. Okay, so here's what we do; we get a couple of pillows and a blanket and we fall asleep on this huge couch of yours while watching TV."

"Hmm. Sounds interesting!" Jane watched as Maura's face lit up, her Hazel eyes turning more green on the edge of the iris. Jane knew that when this happened Maura was happy and as a result Jane's smile turned into a grin. She couldn't help but think about how god damn amazing that was.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Run, run and get us the blankets!" Jane pointed her arm out towards the bedroom her grin getting impossibly bigger. "Bet I can beat you." Jane quickly got up off the couch leaning over Maura, each arm stretched out either side of Maura.

"Well, with stitches I'd advise you against physical activity of that kind but we could perhaps play a game of chess?" Maura looked to her left as Jane's face was inches away from her.

Jane just shook her head, a smirk appearing on her face. She was suddenly pumped for a race. She stood up straight allowing Maura to stand up which she did.

"Are you sure you want to race?"

Jane nodded this time.

"Well first let me li-" Maura took off, running past Jane giggling to which Jane chased after her. Jane was just playing around, she let Maura take the lead and win watching as Maura raised her arms in victory as she crossed the invisible finish line that was the doorway to her room.

"And the champion is... The beautiful and talented Dr. Maura Isles!" Jane called out chuckling a little as she watched the adorable woman do a little victory dance. Jane's eyes fell onto Maura's hips, the way she swayed them back and forth, the way she moved her arms around in the air, the smile on her face. It was just everything Maura was. Everything she did. Jane loved everything and that was the problem in the Detectives eyes.

Maura took a bow. "Thank you, Detective. You were a worthy opponent." Why did everything Maura did have to be adorable?

"You do realise I let you win right?" Jane's eyebrows raised a cheeky smile on her face, her hands on her hips.

Maura lifted her head up high. "Sure you did."

"You're lucky you're adorable Maur, I go easy on you." Jane walked towards Maura poking her lightly. "Now, linen time. Pillows." She pointed at the mass of pillows that lay on Maura's bed. Maura went to her bed grabbing a few pillows throwing them at Jane who caught them afterwards raising her eyebrows at Maura as if to say 'Are you challenging my catching ability?' As Maura pulled her quilt off the bed returning to the couch following Jane.

Jane threw the pillows down on the couch and grabbed the blanket from Maura's hands throwing it over the couch. "So, there you go. A makeshift bed for a sleepover." Jane grinned plunking herself down on the couch, legs spread looking up at Maura.

"Can you take your shirt off?"

"Are you drunk?" Jane raised an eyebrow in question looking at her friend.

"Oh, I just wanted to check the wounds on your back. Have you been changing the bandages?" Maura sat down next to Jane, hand on Jane's knee.

Crap. Jane hadn't really been looking after her wounds at all. She didn't want to acknowledge them. "They aren't bandaged at the moment. I haven't really been too worried about them Maur." Jane said sheepishly.

Maura gave Jane a disappointed look. "Jane, I thought I told you about the dangers of-"

"Yeah yeah, the dangers of infection blah blah blah." Jane scowled a little. "Here." Jane took her shirt off and turned so her back was facing Maura.

"They're infected Jane." Maura said lowly and before Jane knew it, Maura's hands were on Jane's back. "You're going to need antibiotics." Maura's hands slid down Jane's sides making the detective tense up a little, shivering. "I'm going to have to wash them in warm salty water. Take off your bra and I'll be back." Maura rubbed Jane's hip a little before getting off the couch.

When Jane finally managed to unclench her jaw she questioned the doctor. "You want me to... Take my bra off?"

"Well, yes. Unless you want it to get wet." Maura replied from the kitchen casually.

Jane gulped. Okay. It was time. She took her sports bra off and moved onto the ground holding her breasts in her hands waiting for Maura to return.

"Jane? What are you doing on the ground?" Maura questioned standing over Jane.

"Well I thought it'd be easier for you, you can, uh, kinda sit with your legs either side of me so it's easier to sort my back out." Jane stammered a little nervously. She forced her hands apart so she wouldn't be playing with her fingers but she was just tapping her fingers on her knees instead.

"That does seem efficient although not professional but seeing it's you, it sounds perfect." Maura pondered before sitting down, her legs around Jane. "This might sting a little bit Jane." Maura said quietly in Jane's ear causing a shiver to course through Jane's body. Maura dabbed the wash cloth full of salty water against the infected wounds causing Jane to flinch a little. As soon as Jane flinched Maura took the wash cloth away. "I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

"Yeah Maur, I'm great. It just stang a bit. Keep going though, I trust you." Jane whispered, turning her head to look at Maura giving her a reassuring smile before turning back, her head looking down. Maura continued to clean the wounds carefully and with expertise for 10 more minutes before much to Jane's dismay getting up and taking the bowl and cloth to the kitchen.

Jane smiled a little having loved the feeling of Maura's hands on her bare skin even if it was just to clean her damn wounds. She turned her body around a little so she'd be able to see when Maura was coming back and saw a few bandages in her hands. "Okay Jane, now I'm just going to dress and bandage them." She smiled and as soon as Jane saw the smile on Maura's face she herself smiled.

"Yeah, that's uh, alright." Jane still had her breasts covered by her hands as Maura sat back down and put bandages on the wounds. "I'm going to use a gauze bandage and wrap it around your torso if that's okay?" Maura asked.

"You're the expert, Doc." Jane laughed a little before adding "Whatever you think is best."

"Okay, so can you please lift your arms up a bit?"

Jane complied with Maura's wishes, lifting her arms up so her elbows were in the air. Maura's hands went onto the front of Jane's torso and as soon as those soft hands touched Jane there she tensed up again, the butterflies in her stomach starting up. Her eyes closed as Maura wrapped the bandage around her, patching her wounds.

"There you go! Good as new... Well, almost. I can clean the wounds every day for you and bandage them again and you'll have to start a course of antibiotics. I'll get a prescription for you tomorrow." Maura smiled and Jane turned around facing Maura, her hands still covering her breasts.

"Thanks Maur. I'm sorry about the trouble." Jane smiled a little looking down.

"It isn't any trouble Jane. I just worry that you aren't taking care of yourself but I don't mind being here for your rescue" Maura grinned before getting up quickly and walking briskly to her room. It left Jane sat on the floor with an eyebrow raised in wonder. She waited for Maura's return and saw she had pyjamas in her hands. "Here" Maura threw Jane a pair of Pyjamas as she started to strip her own clothes off causing Jane's eyes to wander without her consent.

"Ah, thanks." Jane put her top on but her eyes never left Maura. She wanted to take her eyes off her friend but she couldn't so she closed them tightly Blindly buttoning up the top. When she opened her eyes ready to take her pants off she was greeted with Maura bent over in under-ware. Holy fucking hell Jane almost physically felt her eyes bulge out of her sockets. She gulped loudly closing them again cursing herself for looking. As her eyes were closed she forced herself to turn around facing away from Maura and she stood up stripping her pants off, slipping on the pyjama bottoms. Once she was done she avoided looking in Maura's direction as she sat on the couch. Jane bit her lip nervously, he fingers gathering together in her lap and playing with each other. _Damn it, stop playing with your hands! _Jane smacked her hands down on her lap and forced them apart and at her sides. She had to close them in fists which caused her pain to prevent any fiddling of any kind.

As Jane looked down at her lap she felt the couch move as Maura sat down and then felt Maura's warm body against her shoulder as her friend leaned on her. That put a smile on her face. She turned to face Maura and poked her shoulder. "Hi."

"Hi back." Maura chuckled a little staring directly into Jane's eyes before redirecting her gaze onto the TV.

"Okay, it's time to form the sleeping arrangement. Do you want to sleep with our heads different ends or sorta... Spooning?" Jane asked still looking at Maura. She watched as her friends lips curved into a smile and her body turned so she was facing Jane.

"Spooning sounds fun."

Score! Jane couldn't help the smirk that came on her face. "Little spoon or big spoon?"

"Excuse me?"

"Uh, do you want to be the one in front of back?"

"Oh! I'll be the big spoon then. I think you need someone holding you tonight." Maura smiled laying down on the couch waiting for Jane to lay down in her embrace which didn't take long. Jane moved into position and felt Maura's hands around her and a wide smile came across Jane's face. She was instantly comforted, warmth spreading throughout her body. "This feels quite nice actually." Maura whispered as half her face was buried in Jane's hair.

"Yeah... It does." Jane closed her eyes, her hands moving down onto Maura's enjoying the embrace. She could stay like this forever.

* * *

**Depression is a harsh mistress, sorry about the delay. I am finding it very hard to write with the way I am feeling.**

**Enough about me though! Enjoy everyone! Thank you all so much for reading, puts a smile on my face. :)**


	13. Big Big Lights

***TRIGGER WARNINGS* Assault/Violence**

**CHAPTER 13: Big Big Lights.**

* * *

Jane awoke feeling Maura's arms around her. She closed her eyes smiling happily stroking Maura's arm with her hand. Her eyebrows lowered in confusion though, her friends arms felt different. "Hey Maur, you need to shave."

"No, no she doesn't." It wasn't Maura's voice in her ear. It was Hoyts. Jane's whole body tensed up and the hands around her grasped her tightly. Hoyt started digging his hands into the skin of her stomach and Jane started screaming digging her nails into his arm trying to get out of his grasp. "Jane!" He growled causing her to dig her nails in deeper.

"Jane! Jane, Jane!' Hoyts voice morphed into Maura's and Jane's eyes shot open realising it was just a dream. She looked down at her hands to see her fingernails digging into Maura's arm. "Oh fuck!" She let go and rolled over falling to the ground. "Shit Maur, I'm so sorry." Jane breathed out, her heart racing. She saw blood drawing on Maura's skin. Shit, fucking shit!

Maura reached her arm out putting it on Jane's shoulder. "Jane, are you okay?" Maura's face was contorted in worry.

What? Jane was the one who basically mauled Maura and Maura was the one asking if _she_ was okay? Jane closed her eyes trying to wrap around what just happened. "Maura, don't be asking if I'm okay. Look what I fuckin' did to your arm!" Jane clunkily got up rushing over to the kitchen grabbing a few paper towels.

"Jane, honestly it doesn't even hurt, it's fine. I'm glad you don't have long fingernails." Maura turned watching Jane rush around in the kitchen. When Jane came back she sat by Maura pressing the paper towels against her friends arm. After she wiped all the blood away without thinking she brought Maura's arm to her lips and kissed it. She froze for a second realising what she did them recomposed herself.

"There, all better." Jane grinned rubbing Maura's arm with her thumb.

"Jane, were you having a nightmare?" Maura questioned looking right into the Detectives eyes. Her hands went over Jane's.

Jane looked down avoiding the eye contact . "Uh... Yeah." Jane confessed, her voice quiet.

"Are you okay?"

"I will be." Jane raised her eyes up to meet Maura's. She wasn't going to be okay if she kept dreaming like this. "Uh, Maura?"

"Yes Jane?"

Jane didn't respond with words, she just lunged at the Doctor grabbing her in a hug. "Thank you for fucking everything you do for me." Jane shook her head and composed herself pulling away and relaxing against the arm of the sofa the opposite side to where Maura was. She wasn't okay at all but she didn't want Maura to see that. The dreams were eating her from the inside out slowly but surely.

"You're my best friend Jane, I'd do anything for you. There is absoutely no reason to thank me." Maura smiled at her friend. "Anyway, I better go get ready for work and bandage my arm. You're welcome to stay at my house if you want." Maura stood up putting her hand on Jane's knee for a second before walking away.

Jane was left alone on the couch. As soon as Maura was out of hearing range she groaned out "Fuckin' hell. I'm a mess." She stretched her arms out over her head rearranging her position on the couch and laid on her side. She listened as she heard Maura showering and tried and failed to keep the images out of her mind. _What is wrong with me!?_ Jane forced herself up off Maura's couch and over to the bathroom door. "Hey I could make breakfast if you want." She called out

Maura hesitated. "Uh, sure. That sounds nice."

Jane snickered a little bit. She was sure Maura was only trying to be polite because she knew how terrible the detectives cooking was. "You don't sound so sure there." Jane grinned

"No, I am. It will be nice."

"Have you broken into hives yet."

"I don't see how that is possible since I wasn't lying." Maura stated.

Jane laughed. "Alright then, well you're warned." She lingered against the bathroom door before looking down, smiling and walking towards the kitchen opening the fridge to see what Maura had to eat. Jane stuck her tongue out, grimacing seeing what Maura had to offer. It was all that health food stuff. After searching through the fridge she came out with some Turkey Bacon and free-range eggs. 'Bacon' and eggs, that was easy right? Yeah... It should be.

Jane turned the stove top on allowing the pan to heat up before cooking the bacon and the eggs. For once she enjoyed cooking. It distracted her from thinking about Maura in the shower. After it was cooked and Jane was quite surprised she didn't start a fire she served it up on two plates just in time to see Maura in a skirt with a floral pattern and a white bouse. "I didn't burn the house down!" Jane exclaimed throwing her arms up in the air. "Yaaay!" Maura rewarded her attempt at humor with that chuckle Jane adored.

"It smells delicious, actually." Maura stated sitting on the stool at the kitchen bench as she began to eat the food. "And surprisingly tastes great!" She added giving Jane a grin.

"I'd take offense if I didn't agree that what I normally make is crap." The pair chuckled as they ate breakfast.

"So any big news at the precinct?" Jane questioned as she chewed.

Maura waited until her mouth was empty of food before replying. "Well today I'm going to preform an autopsy on an elderly gentleman."

"Yeah, that's just what you want to hear while eating breakfast." Jane shot a face of disgust Maura's way before grinning finishing off her breakfast. Jane sat waiting for Maura to finish and grabbed both their plates taking them to the sink washing them.

"Jane?" Maura said sweetly. Jane knew she was about to be asked to do something.

"Yeah?"

"I should be leaving shortly. Would you feed Bass for me?"

"Uh yeah, sure. Where is he?"

"He's in the guest house. There's strawberries in the fridge."

"No problem Maur." Jane finished washing the plates taking a few steps to stand by Maura's side. "You spoil him though, just so you know."

"Well he is my Bass. He deserves the best." Maura said happily getting up off the stool and collecting her Doctors Bag. "Anyway Jane thanks. As I said before you are welcome to stay here. I'll see you later." Maura went up to Jane giving her a hug before leaving the house. As soon as Maura disappeared a wave of depression hit Jane.

Jane breathed in deeply opening the fridge and grabbing the punnet of strawberries. "Okay, Bass. Where are you." She whispered to herself walking out the door and to the guest house. After 5 minutes of fruitless searching Jane slumped onto the bed. "Damn turtle." Jane muttered under her breath. When Jane got up to search again she saw Bass' head sticking out from under the bed.

"Well, you finally show your face huh? Here, your Mommy gave me strawberries to feed you." Jane talked to the turtle as she sat down on the ground luring it out with a strawberry.

"You know, I'm a little jealous of you. Look, Maura loves you a lot. She even gets a caretaker for you when she's away. You get to live with her." Jane confessed knowing the Tortoise would keep it in confidence. "I wish it was my lips Maura kissed, not your shell! Yes I do!" She started feeding Maura's pet another strawberry.

"I think I love Maura, Bass. A lot. She's amazing, isn't she? Yes she is, yes she is!" Jane grinned as she talked to Bass in a way you'd talk to an excited dog. Even though the Tortoise had no idea what Jane was saying it was a load off Jane to say it out loud.

"... I wish it was me she planned on growing old with." Jane told Bass, this time in a barely audible whisper. Her smile faded a little before it disappeared completely. Jane pat Bass a few times before standing up and leaving the guest room to other house putting the punnet back in the fridge.

"Fuck, I fuckin' love her." She said to herself closing the fridge door. Feelings of depression and anxiety were starting to overwhelm her again. Without even realising it her hand was down her pants picking at the stitches on her thighs. Upon realising what she was unintentionally doing she forced hand out of her pants and clasped her hands tightly with each other so they wouldn't wander trying to harm herself without her noticing. She walked to Maura's bedroom before setting herself on her stomach holding the pillow against her face. "Ahhhhghhhahhhhh!" She groaned out before rolling over on her back. Maybe it was this free time? Maybe it was the first time in ages she had time to think about her feelings, have time for them to work themselves out in her mind? Either way it was proving to be a difficult topic for the Detective to wrap her mind around.

Lately everything she did was Maura, Maura, Maura. It was all she was thinking about. Part of it made her feel great, hanging out with Maura, the touching but then reality set in with the guys in Maura's life. Were Jane's eyes watering? "What the fuck..." She wiped her eyes before any proper tears formed. Her heart started to ache as her mind decided to think about things that brought her emotional discomfort. The doorbell knocked the thoughts out of her mind getting up off the bed to answer the door.

Opening the door she saw that singer dick she really disliked purely because of the fact he was with Maura. "Hey?" She did _not_ have a smile on her face.

"Hey uh, wine lady right? Yeah is my girl here?" He asked with the most stupid grin on his face. Well, it looked stupid to Jane at least but she _was _biased. She did not appreciate him calling Maura _his _girl.

"Actually it's Detective Jane Rizzoli. And no, the Medical Exclaimer is not here." Jane didn't hide her displeasure at his company.

"Oh I thought you looked familiar. Yeah, you're that dyke cop that got attacked by the Surgeon dude." His grin turned into a smirk, he was trying to get on Jane's nerves.

"What's your bands name again?" Jane raised her eyebrows cocking her head to the left a little.

"Razor Penetration."

"Oh, I haven't heard of them before." Jane smiled sweetly much to Gary's displeasure.

"Yeah? Well guess what fag, Maura is mine and I get to fuck her whenever I want. She's told me all about you, you ain't gonna get her so why don't you think about the name of my band and take a hint, you're fucked up anyway."

"Okay, it's time for you to go." Jane said lowly, her eyes shooting daggers his way. She was doing everything to keep herself from punching his lights out. She flexed her jaw. "Get out. Maura is not here."

He took a step closer to Jane, "I bet he fucked you real good." He sneered. "Did it turn you straight?" And that was it, Jane's fist went flying into his face smashing into his nose. Jane heard the satisfying sound of it cracking and the blood started trickle out.

"Get the fuck out of here!" Jane yelled pushing him back. She tried to close the door but he barred it open, pushing his way through.

"I'm not going anywhere!" He growled grabbing Jane by her hair. She was about to fight back but she saw Hoyt's face and she froze in place, she couldn't even move when he pulled her head back by her hair and slapped her hard across the face hard. She was back in that basement, tied up and at his mercy. Gary must have seen the look in her eyes because he let go of her hair and took a step back. He pointed at Jane, "Stay the fuck out of my relationship with Maura, I'm warning you bitch!"

Jane blinked. She was back in reality. "You're not going to be seeing Maura much longer, I can guarantee that, fucker." Her voice wasn't as aggressive anymore, it was low and quiet. She slammed the door before the contents of her stomach came crashing out through her mouth onto the floor. She felt sick and horrified with what had just happened. Was she ever going to be the same Jane Clementine Rizzoli she was before being attacked by Hoyt? She wasn't sure any more, not after freezing up like that or just attacking people like she did her brother.. That didn't make a good detective at all, she didn't want to go back until she was able to handle it and right now she wasn't handling it at all.

Jane cleaned up the house trying to get her mind off the thoughts tormenting her and ended up ordering a whole load of useless shit of Amazon before going to the bedroom and falling asleep while fighting the tears that formed.

"Jane? Jane what are you doing?!" Jane woke up, Maura's voice in her ears. Her eyes closing tightly as the light burned her retinas.

"Wha-What Maur? I'm-I'm trying to sleep." The Detective grumbled pulling the covers back over her head. It didn't stay there long, Maura sat down next to Jane pulling the blanket off of Jane's head.

"Didn't Gary tell you? We're going out on a double date tonight!" Jane looked over at her friend who now had a huge grin plastered across her face. Maura was someone who it was hard to say no to but "No."

Maura's face instantly fell. "But I went to all this trouble to get Giovanni to come, he kept calling me hot." Her lips were pouted.

Jane couldn't say no again. "You owe me, Maur. What am I going to wear?" As soon as Jane uttered those words she regret it. The grin came back onto the doctors face, her eyes glistening with unspoken evil intentions. "No. You're not going to dress me up." The Detective pointed at Maura.

"Are we going to do this the easy way or the hard way?"

Jane didn't respond.

"Hard way it is." With Maura's words, she pulled the blanket off Jane completely and as Jane turned around to see what her friend was doing, leaving her laid on her back helpless, Maura attacked. She straddled Jane's waist, her thighs either side of her friend with a huge grin on her face. "You _are_ going with me, my friend." She laughed.

Jane opened her mouth to protest but instead a whimper fell from her lips. She had Maura's crotch pressed against her abdomen. It felt so warm. Jane closed her eyes tightly, flexing her jaw. Maura was off her immediately. "Jane, are you okay? Did I hurt you? I'm sorry!" The Doctor of Death had her hands on Jane's arm, worry filling her eyes.

Leaning back on her elbows Jane replied a grin on her face. "Nah, I'm fine. You didn't hurt me at all. I liked it." Jane said casually shrugging, taking off her shirt. "Okay, let's do this. Something to cover my back though, yeah?" She sat up on the edge of Maura's bed looking at her friend with adoration. She'd do anything for Maura, even go to dinner with that oaf Giovanni and Gary. Gary, that little fucker. To be honest, she was sort of glad to go. She didn't want Gary to be alone with Maura, he was a disgusting, despicable human being. No, there was no way Jane was going to let him be alone with Maura again. Her instinct to protect those she loved was too great.

"Sounds like it'll be nice, where are we going?" Jane watched as Maura went through her massive closet taking her pants off ready to get into the dress of Maura's choice.

"We're going to this Italian place I love. It has an American influence to it, and you know I love that." Maura turned around dress in hand. Grinning, she winked at Jane. "Here, this will look great." The hands were holding a short red dress, a pair of stockings, boots and a leather jacket. "You'll look sexy." A smirk appeared on her face as she set the clothes neatly on the side of the bed. "I'll leave you to get ready." Maura left the room to let Jane get dressed.

Jane walked out of the room in thanking that this dress covered the cuts on her back and thighs... Barely, but they did. She had to admit, she kinda looked good.

"Wow." Came Maura's response to the way Jane looked. Jane felt her face warm up instantly. "I was right, very sexy." Now Jane's face was really red. Damnit, she didn't want to blush but she couldn't help that nor the butterflies that came. She just shrugged.

"I look alright, I guess."

"Alright? You look amazing." By this time Maura had walked over to Jane, looking her up and down. "Just beautiful." Her hands went onto the detectives lips as she whispered "Beautiful" again shaking her head in disbelief.

"Seriously Maur, it's just me." Jane let out a nervous laugh arching her back forward a little so she was hunched over a bit

"Jane, it's just so good to see you actively out of bed, looking like this, still being there for me after what happened. It's very... Nobel and honourable." Maura took a step back, smiling. "We should go now, I'll drive this time." With those words, Maura took Jane by surprise, grasping her hand and walking out with her to the car.

If only Maura knew how Jane was really going.


	14. Heart Attack

***TRIGGER WARNINGS* Slight verbal/physical abuse**

**CHAPTER 14: Heart Attack**

* * *

"So how did you find Giovanni anyway?" Jane questioned stepping out of the car, straightening out her dress once upright.

"I asked your mother." Maura smiled sweetly at Jane making it hard for the Detective to get upset at her.

"Of course." Jane muttered, a small smile on her face. "Let's get this over with, I suppose." Jane made a disgusted face at Maura before grinning when they stepped in the restaurant and had a waiter greet them.

"Welcome, do you have a reservation. Oh, and excuse me if this seems out of place but I must say you two are a beautiful couple."

Jane's face twitched a little, trying to keep the smile on her face from getting any bigger.

"Oh, that's such a compliment but we aren't together. I have a reservation under the name Maura Isles. We're expecting two others to join us."

"Okay, right this way." Jane let out a chuckle, putting her arm around her friend following the waiter to their table. The two women sat opposite of each other getting ready to wait for their dates.

"So, come here often." Jane asked Maura in a seductive voice, raising an eye brow before smiling.

"Oh, you know. Now and again, you know I do love Italian...s." One side of Maura's mouth curved as her eyes burned right into Janes'. Little did Maura know, those sexy smiles and playful flirting did things to Jane. They made her weak at the knees, made her want to leap across the table onto Maura after all these years. It was getting too much.

"Oh, I know babe, you hang around me." Jane winked, her eyes glistening with forbidden desires behind them. The two stared into each others eyes, neither could look away until Jane heard Giovanni's voice.

"Hey Jane, you're lookin' hot!" He said, sitting down next to her wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

"Uhh, hey." Jane laughed a little, nervously. She fought the urge to roll her eyes. Why did she have to say she was interested in him, she could have chose any other name but no, Giovanni. The guy that hit on Jane whatever chance he could. According to Jane's mum, he'd make a good husband but Jane turned her nose up at that suggestion.

"Oh hey, Maura? Damn, you sounded all sciency and stuff on the phone, didn't realise you were this hot." Giovanni stuck his hand out shaking the Doctors hand.

"Oh haha, thank you." Maura looked to Jane as if to ask what to do in this situation.

In response, Jane pursed her lips together and raised her eyebrows. "Now that that greeting is over and it's been established that you and I are hot, when is your date meant to arrive?"

"He should be here soon." Maura laughed a little, relaxing into her seat. Jane, on the other

hand wasn't able to relax, not with Giovanni's arm around her. She didn't like that physical contact at all, it made her feel uneasy. The fact that scumbag was coming didn't help things either.

"I hope he doesn't come." Jane muttered under her breath, looking down at the menu.

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing.

"Nah, it wasn't nothing. She said she hopes ya date doesn't come, hot stuff." Giovanni told Maura. Jane just closed her eyes tightly fighting the urge to smack Giovanni with the menu she was holding. God damn Giovanni. She flashed an evil look at him before putting a grin on her face to turn to Maura.

"Jane?"

"Yes?" Jane mustered up the cutest look she could but it failed.

"You don't like Gary?" Maura looked hurt. Damnit, Giovanni.

"I... Uh. He uh..." Jane stammered, "I met him before, he was kinda a jerk, hun." She said softly, utting her hand over Maura's but the doctor pulled her hand away. She was offended.

"What exactly did he do?"

"Maur, let's, let's talk abou-"

"Hey babe!" Gary's voice entered Jane's ears. This time, she was slightly relieved to hear it although it still irritated her beyond belief.

"Hey." Maura smiled looking happy as Gary sat down next to her and then he gave her a kiss which made Jane clench her jaw.

"That's hot." Giovanni whispered nudging Jane, causing Jane to once again force herself not to smack him. The fact Maura was blushing made the detective wasn't going to unstrain her jaw any time soon. She closed her eyes tightly trying to shake the thought that came into her mind. She knew what she was thinking of doing was petty but... She grabbed Giovanni, pulling him closer as her mouth went over his, she forced her face to stop scrunching up and look like she was actually enjoying it. As they sloppily exchanged saliva, Jane sneaked a peek at Maura who was watching, her eyebrows raised.

Jane pulled away. "Mmm you're a, uh, good um, kisser." Jane smiled awkwardly fighting the urge to wipe her mouth, but eventually she lost and wiped her face. "Uh." She felt everyones eyes on her. "We should uh, order now right?" She avoided all eye contact looking down at her menu. "Well, I'm going to have the Cabonara pasta.

"That was weird." Gary muttered. "I guess I was wrong, I was pretty sure you were a fag and into Maura." Jane looked up from her menu at Gary then at Maura who had her mouth agape.

"That is not appropriate, at all." Maura whispered harshly at her date.

"Look, I can say whatever the fuck I want, I'm the guy here."

"Jesus Christ how do you find these guys Maura? Come on, we're leaving." Jane got up from her seat going to Maura's aid. As Maura was standing up, Gary grapsed her arm tightly making her cry out.

"Okay mate, let go. And you're not going to be seeing her again." Jane growled.

"Oh, so I _was_ right. You _are_ a faggot. Piss off, this is between my girlfriend and I."

"No it isn't, because she isn't your girlfriend anymore, okay. Now let go of her!" Jane's voice raised a little.

He still refused to, and even now Giovanni was up from his seat. "Oi buddy, let go of the lady, aight? Come on man."

He eventually let go and Jane wrapped her arm around a quivering Maura and walked her out of the building. Maura was trying her hardest not to sob, but every few seconds one escaped her mouth.

"Maur, it's okay. He's an unbelievable jerk, come on I'm here to protect you okay? I won't let anyone hurt you." Jane held the Doctor tightly in her arms, consoling her. "Shh, it's okay. Come on, let's go home okay?" Jane pulled back a bit to look down at her friends face. A smile grew on Maura's tear stained face and she nodded.

"Okay, well I'll uh, I'll drive and take you home alright? Come on, I'll drive okay?" Jane smiled, her hand on the small of Maura's back as she walked to the car driving back to Maura's.

* * *

"Giovanni is sort of cute, isn't he?" Maura grinned sat on the couch, her legs bent up and her feet on the couch.

Jane just shrugged her shoulders handing her friend a glass of wine. "Here I thought you might appreciate this." The Detective offered a smile and sat down on Maura's couch right next to her.

"Well, you told me you liked him so you must think he's attractive." Maura mused, her eyebrows contorted in fascination as she sipped her wine.

"He's nice to look at, I guess but when he starts talking... Ugh." Jane closed her eyes shaking her head a little as she took a gulp of her beer.

"He is _very_ good to look at." Maura raised her eyebrows taking another sip.

"What Maura? Serious, ya hittin' on my date now?" Jane chuckled a little nudging her friend with her elbow. "You know there's other Italians out there other than him right? I mean, look at me. I'm Italian." Jane joked.

"But I can't sleep with you, can I?" Maura asked completely serious, studying Jane's face. Jane raised her eyebrows at Jane's question and tilted her head a little. "Wait, do you wish to engage in intercourse with me?" Maura asked, her voice now slightly alarmed.

"What? No! Of course not." The pitch of Jane's voice went higher and her voice cracked a little forcing her to clear her throat out and take another gulp of her beer.

"Hang on, I'm a little offended. Am I not attractive?" Maura questioned, shifting to the side a little to make it easier to look at Jane.

"No, no! You are _very_ attractive." Jane set her beer down and put her hand on top of her friends knee. "It's just weird to say you'll sleep with your best friend, Maur." She nervously chuckled a little. "I mean, you'd be my first choice if I were to be with a woman alright, does that make you feel better?"

The huge grin that appeared on Maura's face said it did. She nodded. "Same."

"Same as in I'd be the first woman you'd fuck?"

Maura shrugged. "Well, I think if we were to become intimate it wouldn't just be 'fucking'; I think we'd make love, seeing our history and how we are with each other but yes, if we're talking about having intercourse with the same sex, you'd be my first choice." Maura stated honestly, a sweet smile on her face and her words made Jane's heart beat fast. The detective was trying to keep herrself from passing out right then and there.

"What about that woman from the bar?"

"She isn't you, Jane."

Did Maura want Jane to pass out? It sure felt like it to Jane. She closed her eyes for a second picking up her beer before relaxing back into the couch. "Cheers then, I guess." Jane clinked her beer against Maura's wine glass finishing the rest of her beer.

"Okay well, I better be going." Jane said after some time. She wasn't willing to take the chance she wouldn't act on her feelings if she stayed at Maura's. Okay, Jane was scared; she had to admit that to herself.

"You can always stay if you want." Maura had a hint of sadness creep across her face which Jane noticed and instantly felt a little guilty.

"Yeah uh, I sorta went on a shopping spree on your laptop and brought express shipping so I should be home tomorrow to get my stuff." Jane grinned sheepishly getting up off the couch. "Thanks for letting me stay over though. I'll uh, I'll see you soon." Reaching the door she turned. "Thanks." She said again walking out the door to her car. She sat in her car for about 5 minutes trying to decide whether to stay or not when she heard an alert from her phone. She checked it to see a message from Maura.

_Do you ever want to kiss __a __homo sapien of the __same gender__?_

Jane's eyes bulged a little. Why was Maura asking this?

_Sometimes. Why? Do you? _Her fingers trembled the slightest bit as she hit 'send'. Her fingers began that familiar dance tapping against the steering wheel.

_Yes. A lot of the time, actually. _

Jane was out of the car in seconds, she sprinted back to Maura's front door opening it much to the shock of the Doctor who thought she had left by now. Maura was stood by the kitchen counter and Jane made her way to Maura, determination written on her face..

"Jane I-"

Maura was cut off by Jane's actions. The Detective grabbed Maura in her arms, their bodies crashing against each others. One hand was on the small of Maura's back, the other lightly tangled in her hair as Jane finally pressed her lips against her best friends. The fear of rejection was gone and as soon as Jane's lips touched Maura's it was as if something inside her lit up, sending good vibes throughout her whole body. She felt amazing, _Maura _felt amazing.

Maura was surprised at first, she didn't know how to respond in that first second that she had another woman's lips against her own but that quickly changed and not in a good way. She pulled away, yes. She pulled away and Jane's heart froze. Although Jane was now in reality and afraid of the doctors reaction there was still a smile on her face but it was threatening to disappear. Jane had to bail and fast. "Oh, I knew I forgot something!" The corners of her mouth twitched a little as she left go of Maura and took a step back.

"Well, yeah. Uh, so there's that and I'm yeah. Okay." Jane's heart was racing. She walked away quickly back out the door and to her car while Maura was still in shock. Instead of just sitting in it this time she started the engine before driving away. She was afraid but she was exhilarated. She had waited far too long to do that, now she'd just wait to see what would happen and _try _not to worry about it.

Although it's easier said than done. Inside, her heart was threatening to destroy her.

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**


	15. Turn It On

**CHAPTER 15: Turn It On.****  
**

* * *

"Jane? Let me in! We need to talk." Maura called while outside Jane's apartment. With a groan and a lot of hesitation Jane got out of her bed and walked towards the door. Her gut was churning at the thought of seeing Maura after what had happened last night. Jane should _not _have kissed Maura, she wished that she didn't. She was up most of the night having this sinking feeling gnaw away at her and it was here again as she opened the door.

"Thanks." The Medical examiner smiled walking in as Jane shut the door behind her. "So about last night..." Maura grabbed Jane's waist. "I think it's time to return the favour..." And before Jane could say anything Maura pressed herself against the Detective, kissing along her jaw line and onto her lips. Damn Maura was rougher than Jane thought. Maura had her nails in Jane's back, her teeth clamped down on the Detectives bottom lip making her groan out loud.

"Fuck Maur!" Jane exclaimed, her hands moved up and down the doctors back as she let herself melt in Maura's embrace

Maura pulled away, a smirk on her face. "More? Okay." The doctors mouth started assaulting Jane's neck, covering it in bites and kisses. God Jane had never been so happy her words were misinterpreted. "I... Need, oh god. I need you!" Jane was whimpering with desire at this point, she really did need it. Her eyes closed as she felt Maura move down. Opening her eyes she was alone. Oh, it was a fucking dream. Jane turned onto her side and closed her eyes again trying to go back to sleep and back into that dream but she couldn't. Eventually she got out of bed and onto the couch watching the shopping channel, credit card in hand to distract herself from that dream.

It didn't work. She put her credit card back in her wallet and got dressed before checking her phone. 10 new messages and a lot of missed calls from Maura made her stomach churn. Sitting down on her bed she was contemplating checking them or not. Her curiosity got the better of her, unlocking her phone and checking the messages

_Jane? What just happened?_

_Jane?_

_Why did you kiss me?_

_Jane, please reply._

_I was thinking about going for Japanese tomorrow night, would you like to join me?_

_Are you suffering from lack of intimate contact? Is that why you kissed me?_

_No? Did you want to practice on me?_

_I'm trying to understand your actions._

_Do you think blue works for me?_

_Do you have romantic feelings for me?_

Come on Jane, stop being a wuss. Text back. You can do it. Jane texted Maura back, eventually.

_Is that dinner offer still available?_

Jane paced back and forth throwing her phone on the bed waiting for an answer. Her hands kept clenching into a fist causing her palms to hurt but she couldn't help it, it was starting to turn into a bad habit of hers. She froze hearing the sound of her phone getting a message and leaped onto her bed picking the phone up.

_The offer is always open when it's you._

That response made Jane smile, feeling instantly better about things. Maura still wanted to see her, yes! Jane fist pumped the air checking her phone again before texting back.

_What should I wear? _Jane wasn't sure what type of place she was going to.

_Something smart casual have a reservation at 7. Meet me at BPD around 6._

Jane smiled while looking at her phone planning her day ahead.

Deciding to spend the day out and about Jane found herself at a pet shop looking at kittens and having them melt her heart but one of them caught her eye. A small adorable striped ginger one. She had just been walking past when the little kitty stood up on her hind legs and pawed at Jane through the glass causing Jane to stop dead in her tracks.

And now Jane was about to have that said kitten in a cat carrier to take home. An impulse buy but one she didn't see herself regretting... Yet. She had to hurry off and return with a trolley to carry all the cat supplies. Litter tray, litter, various toys and mats and of course the cat Jane instantly fell in love with. Checking the time she saw it was 5 pm. It'd give her enough time to get little Thea home and set up and then meet Maura.

"Yes Thea, we're home." Jane said to her pet as she opened the door, pushing it open with her side with her hands full. She set down the cat carrier in her room, closing the door behind her. She set up the cats stuff and finally opened the cage door sitting back watching as her new kitten took the first few nervous steps into this new environment. Jane had to put a hand over her mouth to stop herself from 'awwing' out loud.

As soon as Jane was convinced Thea had settled into her new environment, she gave her kitty a pat and left the room waving goodbye with a smile as she did and that smile continued to be plastered on her face as she realised she was going to meet Maura.

Jane drove to BPD and with how she was feeling right now, with her new adorable cat and meeting Maura she was more confident and social than she had been since the Hoyt incident that she wasn't trying to be all stealthy and avoid everyone she knew. She just waited outside for Maura leaning against the wall, her arms crossed.

Jane watched the front doors waiting for the fashionista to walk out and she finally did and once again the detective was blown away by how amazing she looked. Dressed in a leather jacket, low hanging blue blouse and a smart pair of black pants. She looked amazing, but then again she always did.

"Hey Maur, I'm here." Jane called out as Maura walked past her not noticing she was there. She reached out putting a hand on her friends shoulder, one half of her lips curved in a smile.

"Oh Jane! I wasn't sure if you were going to come or not. It's so good to see you!" Maura replied reaching out to touch Jane's arm glad to see her friend. "Wait, is that a skirt you're wearing?" Maura took in Jane's appearance, a black skirt, smart buttoned white shirt and a jacket matching the colour of the skirt with a pair of heels to boot.

"Yeah, of course I came." Smiling Jane blushed a little. "Yeah, I wasn't sure what would be considered smart casual so I just sorta got my court clothes out." She sheepishly explained walking with her friend to her car. "Should we take your car or mine?"

"Yours. I took a cab here to be prepared for your arrival." Of course Maura did. Jane's smile only grew. "Shall I drive? I know the way there."

"Yeah sure. Look fast!" Jane exclaimed throwing Maura the keys. Maura didn't catch them and they fell to the ground. "Great catch."

"Well, you didn't give me much of a warning." Maura defended her reaction picking up the keys off the ground. She got up turning to Jane with a pout on her face looking at her friend with a disgruntled look on her face.

"Aw come on don't look at me like that." Jane's grin only got bigger the more disgruntled Maura looked. "You _almost_ had them." She let out a chuckle before nodding towards the car. "Shall we go then?" The Detective's arm gestured toward the car.

Maura gave her a look of dissatisfaction but smiled and got in the car. "I think you'll love this place." Maura turned to grin at Jane before starting the car.

"We're here." Maura said snapping Jane out of her thoughts. She had been gazing at Maura this whole time, mesmerized by her beauty. Kissing Maura the other night only served to fixate Jane to Maura even more than before. She wanted her lips against Mauras' again, over and over.

"Ah cool. Hold on stay in the car for a second Maur." Jane quickly got out of the car stumbling a little getting out but recomposing herself to run to the other side to open the door for Maura. "Here you go." Jane had that little smirk on her face again.

"Oh how charming of you Jane. And they say chivalry is dead. Haha." Maura took Jane's hand as the Detective helped her out of the car. "Have you ever tried sushi before, Jane?"

"Sushi? You mean raw fish? Nope. Wait... Is this what we're going to eat?" Jane raised an eyebrow at her friend not liking the sound of It.

"There's more than just sushi, don't worry I know what kind of stuff you like. I'll order for the both of us." Maura explained putting her hand on top of Janes'. "Don't worry."

"Okay, no fish eyes though." Jane chuckled walking in with Maura.

"Hi, my name is Kim. Welcome to Yis O, how may I help serve you?" A Japanese waitress greeted the pair.

"Hi! I've booked a reservation for two for 7. The name is Isles." Maura said very professionally.

"Oh, Dr. Isles! Right this way please."

"Is there anywhere in particular you were looking to sit?"

"Yes. I'm looking for an intimate area, quiet, please." Maura moved a step closer to Jane who was just following along, not in her natural comfort zone she'd let Maura lead her. They ended up in the corner in an cosy area lit with candles. Jane had to admit, it was kinda the nicest place she'd been romantic wise. Well maybe it was because she was with Maura, either way she was looking forward to this; just spending time with Maura.

"So, what do you think of the place so far?" Maura smiled at Jane from across the table. "I quite love the contemporary modern design while still bordering in the Japanese theme. This intimate booth is so nice."

"Well uh yeah, it looks quite classy. I feel a bit underdressed to be honest." Jane pat her legs looking down.

"Don't be silly Jane, you look fine." Adoration at Jane radiated in Maura's grin. "You look _amazing._" The two stared at each other for a few seconds before Maura broke the eye contact, looking down at the menu before waving down the waitress.

"Are you ready to order?"

"Yes, we shall divulge in the flavours of the Seared O-Toro, the grilled Cod with miso sauce, grilled breast of moullard duck, the seaweed salad, a salmon skin roll, rock shrimp explosion Maki, 2 lots of Sake Nigiri and Hamachi Tori sashimi. For drinks, may we get a four Blue Moon beers." Maura said exactly what she wanted without needing to check the menu.

When the waitress nodded after jotting down everything Jane finally spoke. "I have no idea what any of that is." Her eyebrows were raised, an amused look on her face.

"There's a first time for everything... Which, uh." Maura avoided eye contact for a second before looking back up, her eyes burning right into Janes'. "Brings me to the next topic. I've been wracking my brain all day trying to work out why you kissed me." Maura desperately tried to keep herself from having a vasoglia episode.

Jane's cheek muscle twitched the tiniest bit. "Oh. Well..." She closed her eyes quickly thinking about her response and she thought what the hell. Just fucking go for it. "I thought you wanted me to." She smiled, her eyes opening to meet Mauras.

"Well, I did wonder what it's like to kiss a woman." Maura smiled.

"So?"

"Well, I didn't exactly kiss back so I can't pass judgement."

"I'm sure there will be a next time Maura." Jane's confidence was booming. "Did you want to kiss me again?" She was taking advantage over the fact Maura cannot lie

"Well, I can say for certain it was an interesting experience." Jane watched as Maura's chest started to get taken over by hives.

"Maur." Jane just pointed at her friends chest causing Maura to look down at the red rash forming. "Come on, you know you can't even tell a white lie."

"Okay, I've been thinking about it. I've been thinking about a lot recently to do with you and I."

"Like?" Jane tried to push more information out of Maura.

"Oh Jane, don't bother yourself with stuff like this at the moment. It's very inappropriate given what you've recently gone through." Maura offered Jane a smile, her hand going over her friends.

Okay, this was it. Jane had to tell Maura how she felt! She needed to, she really did. "Date me." The raven haired woman blurted out.

"What?!" Maura's eyes bulged, her voice an alarmed whisper.

"Yeah, uh I mean, I was wondering if we could make this a practice date, I'm so out of practice ya know?" Jane had lost her nerve.

Maura's grinned "That's actually a great idea. I've been wanting to see what it's like, engaging in a date with another member of the same sex. I still haven't called that woman from the bar, I've been to nervous."

Jane tried to keep her smile from faltering. She didn't like that woman, at all though. She wanted to be the one Maura was interested in if it was going to be another woman.

"So what do you normally do on dates?"

"Well, you'll find out, won't you?" Maura said with a wink.

Oh god this woman was wonderful. "I guess I will, then." Jane smirked, warmth radiating from her eyes. "So, how do we go about this then?"

"Okay..." Maura paused for a second looking up in thought. "Okay, well stand up." She ordered standing up from the seat. Jane just looked at Maura with confusion. "Come on, come on, stand up." The Doctor urged Jane on.

Jane gave in and got up standing so she was in front of Maura, her eyebrows raised. "Now what?"

"Well, when I'm on dates as we go to sit down, I do this." Maura took a step closer to Jane, her hands going onto her companions waist. "I'm so glad you came, you look beautiful tonight." Maura's words gave Jane goose bumps, those goose bumps turning into butterflies when Maura leaned even closer and kissed Jane's cheek. The Detective felt her face warm up instantly.

"Well, I wouldn't miss it for the world." Jane's body swung a little to the right as she touched Maura's arm softly before sitting down. "Oh shit wait-" Jane got up quickly and awkwardly. "Should I, uh, pull out the chair-Wait it's a booth. Um. Should I uh, guide you in? Wait that sounds dirt- Um." Words were vomiting out of her mouth and she couldn't stop them. "Shit." She muttered under her breath, a hand on her forehead.

"Oh wow, you really do need help." Maura stifled a giggle. "It's okay Jane, just sit down. Relax. It's not like I do any better out on dates. I end up diagnosing them over the table but you're lucky there, you're perfect." The pair sat down but Jane still looked nervous. "I should have asked, you are okay with me kissing you right?"

Jane swallowed before grinning. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine with it." She let out a breath of air and stretched her shoulders a little, her arms at her sides. She couldn't help that smile on her face as she looked at Maura. The waitress came back with the beers, setting them down on the table with a smile. Maura tilted her head down. "Arigatō" She looked back up and smiled back.

Once the waitress had left, Maura explained for Jane. "That meant thank you in Japanese."

Jane raised an eyebrow. "I'm a detective remember, I put two and two together." A sly smile spread across her face. "I'll be right back, beautiful." The Detective added a wink for good measure before sliding out of her seat and walking over to the restroom. She made sure to accentuate the sway of her hips as she walked with the backside of her in Maura's view. Jane had tricks of her own up her sleeve.

Coming back Jane saw Maura had her neck stretched out watching for the Detectives return. When the pair locked eyes, Maura's eyes widened a little. She was caught. She quickly looked away and the smile on Jane's face stretched into a grin. Her confidence showed in her walk as she made her way back to Maura. "You okay?" Jane asked as she sat down still with that grin on her face.

"You know I can't lie, Jane." She answered, narrowing her eyes at Jane trying to work out if this was some sort of ruse at her expense.

"I'm just checking if my date is alright because I plan to make this the best date of her life, I'll even eat raw seafood for her." Jane winked, placing a hand over Maura's.

"Maybe I was wrong to assume you needed help with dating."Maura paused for a second before continuing, her words almost conjoining with each other. "Because I'm sure you can see the vasodilatation occurring upon my cheeks right now and that normally happens when someone is embarrassed, stressed or in romantic situations and I certainly wasn't stressed or embarrassed before but now I uh..." Maura looked into Jane's eyes whispering the rest of her sentence. "...May be."

"What can I say, I'm charming as fuck." Jane shrugged, an indifferent look on her face as she cracked open a beer setting the bottle to her lips before she couldn't help but slyly smile as she gazed at a red faced Maura.

Maura ended up chuckling at Jane, gazing at her adoringly.

The food came and Jane dare not eat anything before Maura explained to her what it was as they laughed and chatted about work and what Jane bought on Amazon but then a quite sensitive topic came up. Gary.

"What happened when Gary came to my house the other day Jane?" Maura asked, curiosity sparking the question

Ah crap, Jane decided to just be honest. "We kinda went at it. He was a dickhead, he ended up slapping me." Jane said avoiding eye contact.

"What!?" Maura questioned, outraged. Her brow was furrowed.

Jane looked around the restaurant to check if anyone had looked their way. "Maur seriously, it wasn't a big deal he only slapped me and I... I uh hit him first." Jane swallowed a little, her eyes making their way back onto Maura's face. She could see Maura wanted to know more.

"He came around looking for you, I told him to leave in less than choice words and he uh, he called me a dyke and a fag and asked me if uh, Hoyt uh, if..." Jane started trembling a little and her eyes left Maura's.

Maura immediately cut in, preventing Jane from revealing any more. "Jane, come on let's go." Maura's tone was solemn. She left a few bills on the table and took Jane's hand leading her outside. Every step, the guilt rose higher in Maura's mind. Once outside and alone Maura let Jane continue.

"I just kinda, lost it. And then he... Grabbed me by the hair and I... I fucking froze up Maur, I don't freeze up and allow myself to get slapped. I'm a fighter! What's wrong with me?" Jane took a step back away from Maura's touch. She felt those tears threaten to reveal her weakness again, the back of her throat was starting to ache from holding back the tears. "The moment I saw him, I knew I didn't like him." Jane added in a mutter.

Maura cautiously took a step closer to her friend. She had no words to offer. She was heartbroken, blaming herself for what happened. When Jane didn't step away, Maura took Jane's hands in her own. The only words she could get out were "I'm so sorry." The ache in the back of Jane's mouth now mirrored Maura.

"You didn't do anything wrong honey. He's a fucking creep." Jane pulled away. She was trying to work out why Maura was the one apologizing. She had been the one who started it in all honestly, acting hostile towards him purely because she was jealous. As much as she hated it, she had been terribly jealous. She would have scoffed at this if she were alone, she was essentially blaming herself as a victim which she had told many people that had been in a similar situation as she had been not to do.

"I still can't believe he hit you. That is horrible." Maura's eyes were full of concern which Jane saw as she met her eyes. Her voice breaking as she talked.

"He texted me earlier, trying to apologize, he said you were jealous." Maura confessed, her cheek in her hand. "I told him in less than choice words not to contact me.

Ah, crap. Word vomit was going to fall from Jane's mouth again. "I was jealous." Jane said plainly although as soon as the word escaped her mouth her heart raced.

"Why?"

"Fuck Maur, I don't know. I guess I depend on you a lot. More than I care to admit." Jane avoided looking at Maura. She felt her face flush a little red and her hands began to fiddle in Maura's grasp.

"Well, for your peace in mind I'd have you know no matter what commitments I have in my life I'll always have time for you." Maura's words caused Jane to look up and smile. She felt an overwhelming urge to just kiss Maura but now wasn't the time. Not that Jane thought there was ever going to be a right time.

"Thanks." Jane just simply muttered, mustering a smile on her face.

"You do realise you're the first person I've had a close intimate relationship with don't you?" Maura was completely serious, the smile on her face leaving.

"What?"

"Well I'm sure I've told you before but I've always been kind of a loner. I don't often understand why people do certain things and you're the first person I've, well, been comfortable around and not worried about what to do and what's right and things like that for the most part." Maura put her hand over Jane's. "So you don't have to worry at all."

Fuck. What was happening to Jane? She felt more tears start to form but they weren't from sadness or anything bad, they were happy? Jane just wanted to scream how much she loved Maura but instead no words came out, just a look of utter love in Jane's eyes as she gazed at Maura. Maura thought she had trouble with expressing feelings and stuff? Look at Jane, she couldn't even bring herself to tell Maura how much she god damn adored her. It made Jane want to rip her hair out to have all these feelings but not know how of if she could express them.

"You always say you have a hard time expressing your feelings and talking about them Maura, honestly you're better at it than me. You're great at everything you do."

Maura blushed looking down as a smile appeared on her face. "Thank you Jane, but it simply isn't true." She looked back up and into Jane's eyes as there was a mutual silence between them as they gazed into each other's eyes before Maura broke the contact, the tears had started to fall. She dreaded the thought Jane would see them but Jane did see them.

"Maura? Come on, it isn't your fault at all." Jane softly tried to encourage the tears falling down Maura's face to disappear.

Maura kept her eyes down. "I just have this overwhelming urge of needing to be loved, and I end up letting anyone use me just to pretend I'm not alone." She whispered quietly enough for Jane to have to strain to hear her words. "I date random men just because they show interest in me and to hope that I connect with them as well as I connect with..." She continued, swallowing. "I want to feel..." Maura gazed up to meet Jane's eyes.

Their hands were still intertwined and before Jane could say anything she had Maura's lips against her own. It was only for a split second but the interaction caused Jane's hands to tighten their grasp on Maura's and for the breath to leave her mouth. "Woah." Jane murmured quietly, her eyes wide. "Maur-"

Maura cut Jane off, pressing her lips against Jane's for another second. "I hope that's okay." Maura whispered, her lips almost against Jane's. Even if Jane wanted to, she couldn't help what was coming next. Her hands left Maura's grasp and her body closed the gap between the two. The Detectives hands ran up Maura's back before tangling in the beauty that was Maura's hair. Her lips closed the gap between the person she was lusting for and this time it wasn't just another one second kiss. It was an actual passion filled kiss, hands tangled in each other's hair. Maura moaned just the littlest bit causing a shockwave of shivers run through the slightly taller woman who had been waiting for this for a very long time. Neither of them pulled away first; they both moved back together, both speechless but the smiles on their face said everything.

"Come back to mine?" Jane whispered quietly, still in Maura's arms. The Doctor, normally so composed just nodded. They walked to Jane's car, unable to take their hands of each other both giggling as they bumped into each other every so often.

Even walking up to Jane's apartment, their hands still were unable to keep to themselves. Jane could not take her hand off of Maura's hips. They shared little kisses and sly smiles reaching Jane's door.

"Best date ever." Maura whispered as they entered the apartment, shutting the door behind them. Once inside the apartment they shared another intimate kiss and Jane would have had to pinch herself if Maura hadn't bitten down ever so gently on her lip to see if she was dreaming or not. She wasn't. The lack of maiming and Hoyt cemented that fact.

"Maura, you wouldn't believe how long I've waited for this." Jane whispered breathlessly before capturing Maura's lips against her own again.

Maura pulled away the slightest bit. "Probably as long as I have." She whispered back, walking backwards towards Jane's bedroom, her lips going back onto Jane's. The Detective could feel her mouth getting dry, suddenly nerves kicking in at how forward Maura was being. They were now in standing in the middle of Jane's room, making out when suddenly Maura pulled away, looking down at her leg.

"Jane... When did you get a cat?" She questioned stepping away from her.

Jane immediately started laughing crouching down and picking up her kitty, kissing Thea's fur.

Shit... Pussy-Blocked by a... Pussy.

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*******Edited, thank you to those who pointed out my technical mistake***

**Hope you enjoyed reading, I know I enjoyed writing it.**

**Trivia time! What's significant with the name 'Thea?'**

**Next update may be delayed, sadly. I'll try my best. You guys could help by telling me what you want! :)**

**Thanks, see you next chapter,**

**SleaterKinney**


	16. Start Together

***TRIGGERS* Self Harm (?)/Suggestions of abuse**

**Chapter 16: ****Start Together.**

Jane awoke in Maura's arms after the pair slept together. No; not sleeping as in having their legs tangled around each others sweaty body, sleeping in the way they held each other and actually got some sleep. Jane could not get the grin off her face. She found herself tracing circles along Maura's bare arm. Maura had been wearing the clothes she had on last night minus the jacket and Jane was the same. They had spent the night on Jane's bed, holding each other and planting kisses upon each others skin until they fell asleep holding each other. Jane couldn't think of a time she was so content. She had the best night sleep she's had since what happened to her under Hoyt's hands.

They had cuddled up before but that was just under the guise of 'friendship'. This, this was different. It was with mutual romantic feelings the pair had for each other. Jane was just gazing at Maura, how beautiful she looked while in slumber. It was strange but somehow after last night the Doctor had become even more beautiful in Jane's eyes. Just as Jane thought the smile on her face would never leave, a thought struck her mind trying to tear apart the happiness she felt. What if this was meant to just be a one time thing? What if Maura just wanted to see what it was like to have sex with a woman? Jane's eyes closed tightly trying to rid the thought from her brain. Thea pawing at Jane's side helped serve as a distraction.

"Hey Thea." Jane whispered to her kitten, scratching behind her ear which earned Jane a loud purr. Jane had the hardest time taking her gaze off of Maura but Thea demanded her attention. "You hungry?"

Thea answered her with a meow. Jane knew she should get up and feed her kitten but... Maura.

Maura in her bed.

Maura's arms around her.

Jane felt Maura nuzzling against her collarbone causing the Detective to turn her gaze back to Maura.

"Jane?" Maura's voice was slightly deeper than usual and husky. It sounded amazingly sexy to Jane's ears.

"Yeah?" Jane whispered quietly moving her face closer to Maura's wanting to be as close as possible to her.

"It wasn't a dream, was it?" Maura's hand gently slid up the side of Jane's body and onto her cheek.

"What wasn't a dream?" Jane's forehead was now pressed against Maura's. She looked into Maura's almost completely olive coloured eyes. This was the most green she'd seen Maura's iris'. Jane knew Maura was utterly happy as a result.

"Kissing you, holding you, having my hands all over you?" Maura smiled, her smile growing as she recalled the events of last night.

"It certainly wasn't."

"Good because I'd like to engage a workout for my Orbicularis oris muscle." A smirk slipped onto Maura's face.

"Is that nerd talk for kiss?" Jane bit her lip to keep her from giggling.

"...It's quite possible." Maura said shyly.

"Have I mentioned how fucking cute you are?" Jane almost squealed and she kissed Maura's cheek.

"So, you know how much I detest guessing but I'm assuming it's okay to kiss you some more?"

"It most definitely is." Jane replied, her voice breaking a little. The nerves were getting to her again, dancing around in her stomach. She had never been good in relationships... Or whatever this was.

Maura made the first move, kissing Jane. The hand that was on Jane's face made it's way onto her hair as the Detective once again had the breath knocked out of her. Every time their lips made contact the feelings that came over Jane were indescribable. It was like she could take on anything and everything. Like she could climb Mt. Everest, wrestle an alligator, speak in court which was someone she dreaded.

Thea walking all over Jane brought her back to reality. She pulled away, reluctantly and hesitantly. "You're an amazing kisser." She whispered, her lips close enough to Maura's that they touched the Doctors as she talked. "But, I have to go feed Thea and you're making it really difficult to get out of bed."

"Would that be because you're enjoying my company?"

"Yes. Very, _very_ much so." Jane's hand moved onto Maura's waist.

Maura rolled away from Jane's grasp, standing up next to the bed. Her hair messy, her eye-liner smudged the tiniest bit Jane could not believe how unbelievably sexy she could look right after waking up. Jane gave Maura a hurt look and pat the spot next to her. "Come back." She almost whined.

"What?" Maura asked with a grin on her face. "I am simply providing a solution to your problem. If I leave the bedroom, you will follow and then Thea will get her breakfast." Maura raised an eyebrow and did Jane mention already how much she adored this woman?

Jane picked up Thea, cradling the cat in her arms and stood up from her bed walking over to Maura who couldn't help but pat the kitten.

"She is so cute!" Maura gushed, stroking the cat.

"Almost as cute as you." Jane remarked, a smug look on her face.

"So, her name is Thea?"

"Yeah." Jane swallowed, knowing that Maura will ask a follow up question that would have an embarrassing answer.

"Is that short for something?" Maura looked up studying Jane's face.

"Yes... Uh. Dorothea." Jane pursed her lips together trying to keep her face from flushing. A huge heart warmed smile spread across Maura's face as she understood what that name signified.

"Named after me, I'm honoured."

Jane felt like she was in grade school, praised for doing the right thing with a satisfied look on her face. "Come on, the cans are in the kitchen." As Jane walked out of her room; Maura put an arm around her which pleased the Detective a considerable amount considering how small the gesture seemed but to Jane, it meant the world.

Jane set the kitten down on the ground who ran to the food bowl before bending down to the cupboard under the counter grabbing a tin of cat food. When she turned around she instantly gazed at Maura of course and saw that she had an eyebrow raised with a smitten look on her face.

"Hey, were you lookin' at my ass?" Jane asked, amused, hands on hips as she stood her ground.

Maura shrugged cocking her head to the left commenting "That skirt emphasises your curves, I couldn't help but admire it and now that we've established broadening the boundaries of this relationship I feel I am free to look at it without hiding."

"Well, you have grabbed it before. I suppose it's alright to look." Jane said cheekily opening the can and putting the food in Thea's bowl throwing the empty can in the trash.

"Now, where were we?" Jane narrowed her eyes closing the gap between herself and Maura. She didn't make the move to touch Maura, she wanted to make Maura be the one to initiate the touching. She just raised an eyebrow waiting to see how Maura would react.

"Well if I remember, you didn't want to leave the bedroom because I was in there. And we were kissing..." Maura closed the rest of the gap, her hands on the small of Jane's back as her lips made contact with Jane's jawline making the smile on the Detectives face grow. "It feels so natural and right to kiss you." She whispered in Jane's ear. "To touch you..." With those words Maura's hands slid down lightly onto Jane's ass. Her words made Jane gulp softly but then those fucked thoughts came back into Jane's mind. 'What if she just wants to fuck you?' Jane knew it was illogical but she couldn't help it.

"Hold on a second Maur" Jane said uncertainly, stepping back a bit. Maura looked a little hurt so Jane quickly explained her actions grabbing Maura's hands in her own. "Look, I uh." Crap, Jane was stunted. "I, okay. Let me start by saying that I care for you and I am 100% happy with what happened last night, with kissing each other but what is this? I mean, are we... Together now?" Jane had an uneasy smile on her face, her eyebrows twisted in concern and a tad of worry.

Maura closed her eyes for a second trying to work out an appropriate response. She opened them, inviting Jane to relax with a warm smile and answered. "This is what it should have been the moment we met. Nothing would please me more than to be able to call you my girlfriend, that is; of course if you would allow that."

"Shit Maur." Jane jabbed Maura's shoulder lightly. "You're great. Just uh, I have one little request. Maybe keep this just uh, between us for a while? Not-Not that I'm ashamed or anything" Jane explained, her hands fiddling again. "It's just, I don't want anything to mess this up right now and I'm not too good being in relationships. The guys at the station would fuckin' go nuts over this." Jane felt bad for saying this, absolutely horrible but the fact Maura just nodded and said "I understand" brought a little bit of comfort to her. Jane, she wanted this more than anything but it scared her, this romantic intimacy stuff. It felt great, it was just a new experience. It was different to all those she dated before. Probably because she was a woman.

"Actually, that's quite interesting. Sneaking around, hiding it. A little love affair." Maura looked up in thought before she took her hands from Jane's hold and back onto her ass. "It's a bit... Naughty." Her lips were once again at Jane's ear and her words made Jane feel like she was going to spontaneously combust any second. Maura's lips traced along Jane's jawline and onto her lips, her hands grabbing Jane's ass. This woman knew exactly how to turn Jane on. "You feel so fucking good." Maura murmured and with Maura's rare use of that specific rare word in this situation Jane could not help the moan that fell from her mouth, her lips vibrating against Maura's

It all ended too soon when Maura pulled away looking past Jane at the clock on the wall. Her face fell immediately. "Oh, darn. We slept in."

"Yeah?"

"I was meant to be at work an hour ago." Maura's eyes widened. "I've never been late before." Her tone was shocked and Jane couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. "Maur, Maur come on, don't leave. How many sick days do you have stacked up?"

Maura looked at Jane with utter confliction painted on her face. On one hand, she wanted nothing more than to stay at home with Jane but the other side, her professional side was urging her to leave and not tarnish her personal work record any more. Jane noticed the hives that started to appear on her friends chest and decided to help her out.

"Maur, it's okay go to work." Jane desperately tried to keep her smile from faltering. "You can take my car Hun, I won't be needing it." Jane rubbed her newly appointed girlfriends shoulder trying to reassure her as Maura still looked uneasy.

"Are you sure?" Maura looked absolutely torn.

"Yeah, come on, I'll drive you home." Jane put an arm around Maura's shoulder picking up the Doctors handbag and passing it to her. The pair shared a small kiss before opening the apartment door and down to Jane's car their hands strictly off each other which seemed weird after the way they could not keep their hands to themselves last night.

Jane stopped at Maura's house, turning her engine off as she just stop to look at Maura.

"Jane?"

"Yes?"

"You're... Staring at me."

"Well, you're beautiful." Those words earned Jane a flash of Maura's smile.

"And you're sweet." Maura leant over and kissed her girlfriends cheek before stepping out of the car.

"I'll talk to you later yeah?" Jane asked, a little desperately. She didn't want to leave Maura in fear this was just all a figment of her imagination. It felt too perfect to be real, for her at least. With a sigh and a small wave she said her last goodbye to Maura before setting off back home.

If it wasn't for her new kitten greeting her at the door, she would have felt more alone than she had been in years which frustrated the Detective because she finally got what she want, to be with Maura, to kiss her but now when she had to be apart from her it strangely left a bigger hole inside her than it did before. Thea put a smile on her face though.

"Hey kitty!" Jane cooed crouching down to play with her before going to the couch watching TV with the cat cuddling on her lap. She couldn't get the images of kissing Maura out of her mind. She was craving more.

After an hour or so and when Thea jumped off Jane's lap she got up herself deciding she'd go to the station and see Maura. She could not help herself, needing to touch Maura again. Maybe it was time to go back to work. Jane gazed down at her hands covered in bandages and sighed a little frowning as she ripped the bandages off, frustrated at her reddened palms marked by an angry little line stitched closed. Her hands hurt all the time. Usually she could ignore it but when she looked straight at the sight of the wound, the pain spread like wildfire. Jane was utterly frustrated that she'd been forced to take _least_ a month off.

Jane walked to the bathroom before stripping off her clothes, avoiding the mirror like always. Whenever she found herself nude her hands would pick at the stitches on her thighs, her mind telling her she deserved it for being weak and letting Hoyt get the better of her. Jane roughly forced her hands from her thighs, slamming them down on the bathroom counter. The rough nature of her action caused immense pain to shoot up from her hands along her arm. "God dammit!" She growled whipping around and turning the shower on. Her head hung low, she stepped in feeling the water rain down on her, try to wash away her feelings and that feeling of Hoyt abusing her she could never shake.

As she washed herself, she once again realised she was scrubbing her thighs more violently than she should have been and blood was dripping down her leg. Upon that realisation she flinched, "shit! What the fuck is wrong with me?" She croaked softly to herself stepping out of the shower grabbing a towel and wrapped it around herself. After drying herself off she crouched down to the cupboard under the bathroom counter and grabbed some bandages sticking them over the wounds on her thighs and then covered her hands.

Once she was thoroughly impressed that she did the best job she could medical wise she walked into her bedroom. It was time to look through her wardrobe for something wearable to go meet Maura. She usually put on the first thing she saw but she wanted Maura to be stunned by her but she didn't really have more than one skirt and she wasn't going to be caught in a dress at the BPD. I suppose the whole slacks and a jacket was going to have to suffice. She'd just have to use her own charming ways.

**Thanks to you guys for being awesome, I managed to get another chapter done quite quick! I love your support and feedback, fuels my writing! xox**


	17. More Than a Feeling

***TRIGGER WARNINGS* Mentions of self-harm (?)**

**I have no idea how long Jane and Maura have known each other in the TV version of Rizzoli & Isles only that Jane knew her while she was undercover in the drug unit but I do not recall knowing how long she's been working in the Homicide unit so this chapter includes my own fictional version of how long they've known each other.**

**CHAPTER 17: More Than a Feeling**

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Arriving at BPD Jane confidently stepped into the building, her spirits high as a result of the fact she was going to see her Girlfriend. Jane couldn't help but smile when she thought about that word. Girlfriend. Maura was her girlfriend. It made her grin instantly. Part of the reasoning in Jane's mind for wanting to be around Maura and absolutely loathing when she wasn't was the fact that she felt normal, safe and like herself when around that specific woman and as soon as she made her way down to the Morgue and saw Maura working, she felt like herself again.

"Babe!" She called out, a stupid grin on her face as she walked down the corridor nearing Maura who looked up a smile instantly appearing on her face as she gave Jane a little wave before taking her face shield off and putting down the surgical tool she was using before covering up the corpse with a white sheet.

Maura walked to the doorway that connected the Autopsy room to the corridor meeting Jane. "This is a pleasant surprise, what brought you here?" Maura touched Jane's shoulder lightly not knowing what and what wouldn't be acceptable in regards to displays of affection within the workplace.

"You brought me here." Jane whispered simply grabbing Maura's shoulders lightly and walked her back against the wall. Jane smirked a little kissing Maura's cheek and moving her face away but only by an inch. How did Maura look so good wearing surgical scrubs?

"Yeah?" Maura whispered biting her lip a little which Jane noticed.

"Yeah, I can't get enough of you Maur..." Jane kissed Maura's cheek again moving her arms up against the wall keeping Maura pinned. "I really can't."

"Good because I don't want you to." Maura cautiously gave Jane a peck on the lips.

"You call that a kiss?" Jane teased, her voice even deeper than usual. Before Maura could answer Jane's lips were on hers, her bottom lip between Maura's, The hands on the wall slowly came down, one hand on Maura's cheek the other on her shoulder. Jane was in heaven again, all her troubles disappearing. Jane took her mouth from Maura's. "Fuck." She simply uttered in pure amazement, her eyes slowly opening. "I missed you."

Maura was blushing, a little smile appearing on her face. Jane continued. "I hate how long I've been missing out on touching you, kissing you, showing you how I feel" If Jane had said these words to anyone else, she would have slapped herself for being such a sap but Maura was different. Jane meant every single word she said and then some.

"Thank you." Maura uttered softly. Those words meant a great deal to the Doctor. She had pined for Jane since the pair got to know each other. Each day her fondness of Jane grew and somewhere along the way it turned into love. Maura saw herself as much more open-minded or at least open, when it came to sex and relationships where as Jane would shy away from the questions whenever asked by her companions.

Jane's lips teased the skin behind Maura's ear. The hand that was on her cheek moved to push back her hair so that Jane could get to the spot she aimed for. Jane could not get enough of Maura. As soon as Maura pressed her lips to the Detectives for the first time on her own accord outside that restaurant Jane knew she waited 15 months too long to act on this. 15 months of wasted time.

Jane revelled in the soft utters that left the Doctors mouth as her lips and tongue teased her skin. Every noise Maura emitted the sly smirk on Jane's face grew. Her lips made their way from behind Maura's ear down to her neck before closing as Jane just rest her face against her girlfriends neck breathing in her scent deeply. Maura responded by softly stroking Jane's hair, eyes closed in utter comfort and peace. This feeling even surpassed the pleasure Yoga brought for her.

At this moment in time Jane just wanted to whisper 'I love you' against Maura's neck but she didn't want to risk scaring Maura away. Jane knew logically, she would be fine with saying it as the pair have before said those words to each other but that was in a friend setting. This was different, it was in a romantic way so Jane held her tongue with nothing more going through her mind but how much she loved this woman.

After a short while of cuddling Jane moved back a bit, hand scratching her head, "Okay, I better let you get back to work." One side of Jane's lips widened into an awkward grin as she looked into Maura's eyes.

Maura took one of Jane's hands in her own, bringing it up to her mouth and kissing the top of the bandage. "See you soon Jane." Maura reluctantly let go of Jane's hand and returned to the body on the slab that was waiting to have someone to talk to.

Jane took one last glance at Maura before turning around sluggishly walking back down the hallway to the elevator though just as she was about to press the button to go up Maura calling out her name made her turn around.

"Jane, there's blood on my scrubs and it's fresh." She stated wearing neither a frown or a smile upon her face.

The detectives heart froze, her hand gliding down to her thigh and onto the slightly damp material of her pants. Her jaw tightened, she was caught out. "Shit." She murmured quietly to herself. She didn't know how to explain what had happened and she knew Maura already had her doubts about her story the last time this happened. Jane didn't have time to walk over to Maura because the Doctor had already started briskly pacing over to Jane.

The Detective waited to be scolded but instead Maura grabbed her loved one's hands. "Jane, you can talk to me about anything, you know that don't you?" Maura spoke softly. "There are many different ways of coping and none of them involve me thinking any less of you. I'm here to help, not to hinder or belittle you, beautiful"

The corners of Jane's mouth twitched a little, her heart singing for joy at what Maura called her. '_ beautiful.'_ "I don't mean to do it, I swear. I just... I just find myself picking at them and I have no idea why." Jane confessed, her eyes low. She would have felt weak saying this to anyone else but there was something about Maura that just let her open up and talk about how she was feeling. That said, it was still difficult for Jane to explain and confide this information to Maura.

"Come on, I'll get you patched up properly Jane. Morally, I can't find myself letting you leave without proper medical care."

"Oh really?" Jane arched an eyebrow before adding "How would you stop me if I just walked away?"

Maura answered with a shrug of her shoulders, her head tilting to one side as she raised her eyebrows as if saying 'I have my ways.' This tempted Jane to see what would happen and the curiosity got the better of her.

"I'm not letting you patch me up Maura." Jane stated with a hint of determination in her eyes. She moved her hands from Maura's and turned away from the Doctor about to step in the elevator that arrived. What happened next Jane did not foretell. The Doctor quickly pressed her torso against Jane's back, her arms going around Jane's waist. They fit perfectly together.

"Please don't go." Maura whispered into Jane's wild hair. Her hands slid delicately up Jane's body and across her breasts onto her shoulders. Jane was thankful as hell Maura couldn't see the expression on her face. Her eyes went wide for a second and she bit her lip with enough force to keep all noises in that threatened to escape her mouth.

"I want to kiss you better." Maura added kissing Jane's shoulder.

"Okay, let's put me on the dead people slab then." Jane turned around facing Maura and pressed her lips on Maura's forehead.

Jane sat on cold metal after taking off her pants. She flinched as her skin touched the slab. "Shit!" She cursed, "forgot how cold this is." She felt a little shy sitting here like this in front of a fully clothed Maura. It wasn't so much the skin showing making her shy; it was the cuts that were leaking a liquid that in Jane's mind represented weakness.

Maura rubbed Jane's knee a little smiling sensing Jane's discomfort in this situation. Her expert hands took the bloody bandage off Jane's leg inspecting the damage the pretty girl had done. After narrowing her eyes in thought she stood up straight looking at Jane. "It's not as bad as I was expecting. You're fine, Jane. I will use butterfly bandages to close it up." Maura rubbed Jane's shoulder a little before wiping the blood and disinfecting the skin putting the adhesive bandages to close the cuts.

Maura didn't let Jane get up just yet though. "Hold on. I said I wanted to kiss you better." Maura looked at Jane innocently before bending down and kissing Jane's knee softly before moving up, her lips touching each wound more gently than the last.

Just as Maura reached the last wound Jane's eyes went wide, her body tensing up. "Maur, Maura, Maura!" Jane urgently hushed as she stared at a shocked Susie. Maura looked up at Jane who raised her eyebrows directing Maura with her eyes to look behind her. As soon as the Doctor saw Susie she shot right up stood in front of Jane.

"Oh, Susie! The reports, they uh, they came back?" Maura stuttered a little. She looked back at Jane who had a very uneasy expresison on her face with her hand in the air giving a little wave.

"I can uh, come back later if you want." Susie said carefully. "It's good to see you two finally together as awkward as it was to find out." She added looking away from the two. Maura glanced back at Jane for a second before rushing over to Susie. Jane strained to hear the conversation Maura and Susie had.

"Finally!" Susie exclaimed in a whisper to Maura as the Doctor reached her.

"Susie, I can trust you to keep this between us can't I?"

"Of course, always." She grinned handing Maura the folder. Jane watched as Susie glimpsed at her giving her a little nod of approval before walking down the hall and into her work space.

When Maura walked back to Jane who was off the slab and putting her pants on the Detective was glad to see that the red on her face was mirrored with Maura's. "Well, _that_ was interesting." Jane commented loudly, entertained. "Anyway Maur, I better let you talk to him." Jane nodded over to the corpse. "I uh, I loved seeing you." Jane said looking down with a grin on her face.

"Hold on Jane. Let me just get something out of my purse. Follow me." Maura lead Jane to her office where she picked up her purse finding a business card before passing it to Jane. "She helped me through some things. You can always talk to me but I'm not a trained professional. Please consider givng her a call." Maura reached her arms around Jane hugging her tightly still knowing to avoid certain areas of her back. Moving back Maura gave Jane a quick kiss, her hands on the Italians waist.

"Actually, you _were_ right. I have accumulated a lot of sick days, I can take a personal can't I?" Maura pondered, more to herself than anyone else. Her head tilt a little to the side as she thought. "I suppose it would be okay." She nodded a little taking Jane's hand in her own "Come on."

Jane was lead back into the Autopsy room where she watched Maura clean up, putting the body back into cold storage and taking her scrubs off. Jane had watched Maura preform this ritual various times and every time she couldn't help but appreciate the grace Maura had with every action she did. She turned to Jane in her white v-neck dress that showed off just a little bit of her rack of God. Jane appreciated the hell out of that.

"So what, you're actually gonna blow off work for me?" Jane couldn't help but feel a little honoured at that but her mind told her not to let Maura do this for her.

"Well, I am the boss and there's nothing I can say for John Doe over there. It isn't a murder, he was in pain I'm judging my the scars upon his body and one day it got too much and he ended up here." Maura stated with a sigh behind her breath. "All there is to do now is to identify the body, I've sent the samples to the lab and I'm waiting for the results."

"Why was he out then?"

"Because he seemed like a lonely man and I thought he could use the company, although it was a bit too late for that." Maura had a sad smile upon her face. "I understand what it's like to be alone, Jane." Maura looked down from her girlfriend at her hands which she had clasped together. Thoughts were running through her mind about the harm Jane was inflicting upon herself whether or not it was intentional. The physical scarring and injuries weren't Maura's only concern. Jane's mental stability and the emotional trauma she went though was quite severe.

"Babe." Jane said softly but the Medical Examiner didn't look up. "Babe." She tried again, her persistance rewarded with Maura lifting her head. Jane held onto Maura's hands and kissed Maura's lips softly. "You sure about leaving? You don't have to."

"No, I have something for you." Maura smiled walking with Jane to the elevator. "It's at my house."

* * *

"Come on Maur, what is it?" Jane whined a little. She hated being kept in the dark but she couldn't get upset at Maura, instead she was excited. She just feigned annoyance.

"Be patient Jane, all good things come to those who wait." Maura simply stated as they walked into her house.

Jane just groaned in response. Once Maura led her into the bedroom Jane sat down after being urged by Maura to do so.

"So? What is it?"

"Just give me another sec Jane." Maura scrowled at Jane before going into her walk in cupboard returning with a small black box. Jane looked up at Maura and let her talk.

"In this, there is a pearl. It's not just any kind of pearl it's a natural pearl that is perfectly symmetrical. With pearls, few can distinguish the various types apart. This kind of pearl right here is very rare, absolutely beautiful and although it looks normal to most people there are a few that are invested in it enough to know the difference." Maura passed Jane the box and continued, "I guess I'm trying to say that I symbolise this pearl with you."

Jane opened the box slowly before patting the spot next to her. Right now she wasn't able to speak coherently as this gesture shocked her enough to have tears threaten to form. Maura sat next to Jane, her arm around Jane's waist as she opened the box to reveal a perfect pearl that was attached to a length of black rope.

"I know you aren't really a jewellery kind of person so I only had it made into a necklace with black rope but there is also another side to this gift for you. I've noticed you've been absent-mindedly fiddling with your hands a lot among other things. I thought if you ever feel uneasy or anything you could use it as a sort of stress ball. Twist it around in your fingers and what not." Maura nuzzled her face against Maura's shoulder, kissing it.

Jane had the hugest grin on her face and the tears had taken over her eyes making them water. Fuck she loved Maura. "I... I don't know what to say Maur." Her voice stuttered a little bit as she turned to face Maura. "Can you put it on me?"

"You're going to wear it?" Maura's voice had so much happiness to it that Jane's smile only got bigger.

"Of course I'm going to wear it." Jane whispered as she held her hair to one side and felt Maura's soft hands clasp the rope around her neck.

After Maura put it on she whispered in Jane's ear, "I love you." To which the Detective replied by kissing Maura softly, her hand touching the pearl.

* * *

**A/N Sorry about the delay. My body decided to betray me and get sick just in time for my 19th Birthday. Also gosh, running out of fitting Sleater-Kinney song titles to go with the chapters!**

**Hopefully I feel better soon, thanks for sticking with me though!**

**Don't forget to vote for RIZZLES! Voting is almost over! www . afterellen . com vote-now-2013-afterellen-ultimate-femslash-madness -tourney-final-four/08/2013/2/**

**(Remove spaces)**


	18. Don't Think You Wanna

**CHAPTER 18: Don't Think You Wanna.  
**

* * *

It was two weeks of smooth sailing after Maura gave Jane the pearl when disaster struck Rizzoli. The past two weeks had involved pleasant dreams, cuddling and work visits. Jane could not have been happier, she felt that hole inside her start to heal around Maura but then she drove home from Maura's and stepped into her apartment to find a Manila folder slipped just inside the doorway.

When Jane opened the folder she found photographs of her and Maura kissing. Jane's eyes widened, her heart starting to race hard enough to make her light-headed. Fucking hell. Jane felt her hands start to tremble as she emptied the entire contents of the folder onto the ground slumping down next to them.

A scalpel and dried foliage had dropped down and the scent hit Jane. Lavender. This was fucking Hoyt. How did he do this? As a million thoughts ran sprinted through Jane's mind one stood out. Maura. The fact that whoever did this knew about Maura put her in danger. Jane's hands ached, it felt like venom was coursing through her veins. Her head was pounding trying to work out what to do. Her hand ran through her hair before going down to her waist trying to grasp at an invisible gun. She had to get out of here. She collected herself and stood up stashing the contents of the folder back in

Jane dialled Frankies' number.

"Rizzoli."

"Hey Frankie?"

"Jane, what's up?"

"I need you to tell me what's going on with Hoyt." Jane stated, straight to the point.

"Jane uh, I don't think it's a good idea to bring that stuff up and I'm not a Detective, the only things I know is what the other detectives at the station are telling me."

"Frankie, this is serious. What do you know." Jane's tone got aggressive.

"Last thing I heard is he was in the prison hospital waiting to get better before he goes to arraignment. Jane, what's going on?"

"I need you to keep this to yourself, okay? But I need a place to stay. Do _not_ tell Ma or Pop or anyone else. Okay? I need you to do this for me."

"Okay Jane, but I'm gonna need a better explanation than this later on. Do you need me to pick you up?" Frankie was getting increasingly more worried.

"Nah, I'll be there in about an hour. Just keep this to yourself okay?"

"Okay."

Jane hung up and strode to her room getting a suitcase and throwing in random articles of clothing accompanied with her sighs. Thea nuzzled against her leg causing Jane to lean down and pat her before continuing to pack. Jane knew should hand in the photos to the detectives at the station but she didn't want to share her private life with the whole department. On the other hand as she packed she thought about the best way to keep Maura safe and the best way she thought of in this moment broke her heart thinking about it.

Another sigh left Jane's mouth. She made a reminder to get her off duty hand gun before leaving for Frankies.

* * *

Jane arrived at Frankie's apartment cat carrier in one hand and a suitcase in the other. She used the suitcase in place of her knuckles to knock on the door. Jane kicked the ground over and over as she waited for Frankie to open the door.

"Oi, come on Frankie open the damn door." Jane called out using her foot to kick the door lightly.

Frankie finally answered the door, beads of sweat forming on his forehead. "Sorry I tried cleaning up a bit before you came over." He explained as Jane walked past him into his apartment. "Wait a second, when did you get a cat?"

"Oh. Not too long ago, her name is Thea."

"Uh, well do you have food and stuff for it because I don't really have any of that stuff Jane." He sounded nervous and out of place. Jane turned to see him scratching his head.

"It's okay, I've got everything I need."

"So what happened Jane, ya gonna fill me in?"

"I think Hoyt has got someone going after me." Jane said to the point without a note of emotion in her voice. Frankie immediately freaked out, his eyes going wide rushing to Jane's side putting his hands on her shoulders.

"What Jane? Are you serious?"

"Yeah, yeah come on calm down Frankie." Jane took a step back from him. "I've got to go down to the station and sort some things out and warn Maura. I think she might be a target, so I've got to uh, do some things." As Jane spoke, the more the situation dawned on her, almost making her numb to everything else.

Jane set down her baggage closing her eyes tightly to try and get rid of the dizziness that hit her. "Hey you're off work today yeah?"

"It's my day off." Frankie replied, his tone dark.

"Then come on, come help me get the rest of my stuff." Jane strained her lips into a smile. Frankie didn't return the gesture instead walking out of the apartment following Jane's orders without saying a word.

* * *

Jane arrived at BPD and for once instead of pressing the down button on the elevator she pressed the up and went back into the squad room for the first time since the incident.

Her eyes searched for Korsak but an unfamiliar face stepped into her view.

"Hey, Detective Rizzoli is it? Can I help you?"

Jane remembered who this person was, he was the one that caught herself and Maura in the Autopsy room "Uh, Detective Frost was it? Is Korsak here?"

"Nah sorry, he's out in the field. Is there anything I can help you with?"

"No I'll wa-" Jane paused in thought, possibly relaying this information out on someone she didn't know personally was a better way to go with this. Either way, she just had to get this over with. "Yeah, actually you might be able to help, let's go into an interrogation room yeah? Somewhere private?" Jane smiled folder in hand.

"Yeah sure, let's go."

The pair went into the private interrogation room. Jane didn't sit down, she stood just inside the door and started explaining without any prompt to start.

"Okay, I'm assuming you know a bit about the case with Hoyt at the moment?"

"I know enough." He replied with a nod listening intently.

"I have reason to believe he has someone on the outside surveying me." Jane handed the folder to Frost. "Earlier today at around 7 am I came home and found this folder slipped under my door. There's a scalpel, dried lavender and photographs of me and the Medical Examiner, Dr. Maura Isles. I'm sure you two have met." Jane had decided not to withhold any of the folders contents although it was a last minute decision to put the photo of Jane's hands under the waist band of Maura's pants and on her ass back in.

When Frost got to that picture Jane felt her face flush. "After I saw the contents I packed my bags and went to my brothers apartment. I saw no one watching me or any strange activity." Frost nodded to signify that he was listening. Jane continued, "I think it'd be a good idea to post a police detail outside my apartment and... At Dr. Isles' house."

"Okay Detective Rizzoli, that is probably the best thing to do right now. I'll get one posted at Frankie's place too." Frost smiled looking up from the photos at Jane.

Jane was about to detest, not wanting to feel weak and be 'looked after' but she thought of Frankie's well-being. "Yeah that'd be good." Jane scratched her head and put her hand on Frost's shoulder, "can we kind of keep this on the... down low? And I'd appreciate if you didn't tell Dr. Isles. Just, check up on this yeah? See if Hoyt's still in the damn prison?" Jane had tried to remain professional but her feelings came out in those last few words.

"Yeah, okay. I'll talk to Detective Korsak and fill him in, I'll get in touch with you later. Thanks for the information, Rizzoli." Frost gave Jane one last nod as she gave a smile and left the room.

Now it was time to go talk to Maura.

Jane took a deep breath before continuing on to Maura's office.

* * *

Jane knocked on the door to Maura's office waiting for a response. Her hands were clammy and slick, her heart told her to leave, to run away but her head told her this was something she had to do.

"Come in." Maura called out and when Jane stepped into the room she saw Maura look up from her paperwork, smile instantly appearing on her face as she saw Jane. This just made Jane feel worse.

"Hey Jane, how are you? I was wondering when you were going to come in today." Maura got up off her seat and walked over to Jane hugging her before leaning in for a kiss but before she could kiss Jane the Detective pulled away taking a step back. Her heart just kept telling her to kiss back, to forget about what she planned to do and just hold Maura but her brain won out.

"Hang on Maur, we uh, we need to talk." Jane pursed her lips together as she forced herself to maintain eye contact. She saw Maura's smile waver instantly.

"What's wrong?" Seeing Maura's eyes she could already see her actions caused Maura to get hurt. This was going to be hard.

"I... Uh. I can't do this anymore Maur." Jane's voice was breaking now, her emotions coming out through the cracks. "We can't keep doing this, it's just... Hard. It's complicated... It's not safe to be with me." Jane was struggling with deciding wether or not to tell Maura about Hoyt. Maura didn't say anything, she was just staring at Jane trying to comprehend the Detectives words.

Jane took hold of Maura's hand and for the moment Maura allowed it. It brought a strange sense of comfort to her, a sick sort of comfort. "Maura, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't, we shouldn't have started anything. But, I'd love to hang out with you still, you know, sleep overs and stuff yeah?" Jane tried to sound comforting but her own voice was falling apart as she spoke each word. Her heart was aching more and more.

Maura still didn't say anything, she only pulled her hand from Jane's. "Oh. I understand." Maura smiled but Jane saw the quivering of Maura's lips. She didn't know what else to say so she went in for a hug, to try and bring some sort of comfort to Maura but instead she was met with Maura stepping away, holding her hands out.

"I'm sorry Maura." Jane felt a tear break the barrier she tried setting up and fall down her cheek.

"It's okay, I'm used to being alone." Was Maura's sombre reply, her eyes down at her feet and her arms crossed across her chest.

Jane swallowed before replying, "is there anything I can do?'

"No. I should get back to work." Maura said almost coldly.

Jane just stood there kinda awkwardly playing with her hands. "Okay, you can call me whenever you want, I'm still there for you." Jane said quietly before turning around and quickly walking out of the room. As soon as she was out of sight she ran out to the stairwell, up the stairs to the lobby level and ran out to her car slamming the door shut. Once she was sat in her car, her heart trying to escape the tears freely dropped from her eyes. She _hated_ herself, she really did at this moment. She slammed her fists down on the edge of her steering wheel.

Inside the office Maura was stood in the middle of her office, her hand over her mouth her other clutched at her chest as the sobs fell out of her mouth. Maura didn't see this coming, she couldn't understand what she did to warrant this. Was she too clingy? Was she not good enough? Not there enough? Did she work too much? She just couldn't work it out. Her heart threatened to fall out of her chest.

Maura shook her head, wiping her face and took a deep breath before walking to her chair sitting down and immersing herself in the paperwork, a stray tear falling down her cheek every so often.

Jane drove back to Frankie's place cursing the cruel twist of fate her life brought her. She had finally got Maura, now she had to give her up to keep her the safest she could. Hoyt went after couples, why did Jane even think to bring Maura into this? And more importantly, how did Hoyt pull this off? How much did he know?

Jane arrived at Frankies but she just sat in the car not wanting him to see her in this state. She heard her phone go off and reached into her pocket and saw an unknown number. Relief flowed through her, she was sort of glad that it wasn't Maura as the only words she'd be able to get out would be unintelligible from sobbing once she heard Maura's voice.

"Rizzoli." She answered her phone wiping her eyes.

"Hi, it's Detective Frost. I've contacted Hoyt, he's in hospital still and he's requested to see you."

Jane bit down hard falling silent. After a while she finally replied, "When can we leave?"

* * *

**My heart hurt writing this ):**

**Thanks for reading, see you all next update! I personally love Hoyt as a character so I'm having fun writing the next chapter. :D**


	19. Sold Out

**CHAPTER 18 Sold Out.**

* * *

Jane scratched at her hands to keep her nerves from getting the best of her as she walked with frost into the hospital wing of the prison lead by two guards. They made it to Hoyt's room and the group stopped.

"We'll take it from here." Frost said, nodding at the guards as they unlocked the door.

Jane and Frost walked in and they were greeted with Hoyt smiling at them. "I thought I smelt the scent of Lavendar and fear. Did you like the gift?"

"I'm more interested in the person that delivered it." Jane said, standing her ground. She saw the handcuffs that chained Hoyt to the hospital bed and stepped closer to him raising her eyebrows looking down at him. Frost stood near by.

"Ah..." He smirked before continuing with his raspy voice, "See one, do one, teach one and I have indeed taught one. I do miss our little games we've played together, it's quite hard to do anything stuck to this hospital bed." Hoyt lifted his cuffed hand until the metal hit the bar to highlight his words.

"What are you planning, Hoyt?" Jane answered directly, trying to avoid him getting under her skin.

"How is, what's her name? Maura Isles? She's a Doctor like me, isn't she?" Hoyt narrowed his eyes, his piercing stare hitting Jane hard.

"What about her?"

"You two have grown quite close, I've heard." He snickered sickly.

Jane shrugged in response, "Not anymore."

"I would say you're lying but I know you Janie, I can see how hurt you are. Your heart is your weakness, you let your emotions dictate your actions." Hoyt shook his head a little, "I'm glad I'm not dragged down with love and oh yes, I know you love her Janie. You wouldn't remember, back in that basement I had a lot of little toys and drugs. You don't remember, but oh I do, the sounds you made when I was touching you, hurting you, maiming you more than you will ever remember. The sounds of pain flowing out of your mouth, followed by her name, the Doctors name. Such pain and longing Janie, it was... " He closed his eyes in the memory, "An amazing experience."

Jane in this moment wanted to grab Frost's gun and shove it in that sick deranged bastards mouth but instead she could only stand there doing everything not to show how his words affected her. "Well, it didn't work out." She said lowly.

"It's a shame, she would have been such a great little plaything. I wouldn't kill her, of course. No, she's an MD. I respect that. Maybe I'd just_ rape _her." He lunged at Jane as he said these words, held back by the cuffs. It caused Jane to take a step back which Hoyt laughed at, relaxing back against the matress.

"Either way, there will always be a part of me on you." He laughed cruely before sighing.

"So, I can take it you're not going to give up your partner?"

"Why would I when this this cat and mouse game is so fun?"

"Okay. We're done here, come on Frost." Jane said, her tone angry as she turned and walked towards the door.

"I look forward to finishing what I start, and I fully intend to finish what I started with you." Hoyt called out after they walked out the door.

Jane was in Frost's prescense and she didn't want to break down so she held her feelings inside the best she could. She felt sick to the pit of her stomach. Seeing Hoyt again was traumatising in a whole new way. Come on Jane, don't let your weakness show in a fucking prison! She felt her legs speed up as she walked down the hallway with Frost to leave the prison. Her hand was clutched at the pearl around her neck, rolling it between her fingers.

"Hey Jane, are you okay?" Frost asked once they wer eout of the prison and alone.

"Yeah, I'm uh, fine. Just, I fucking _hate _him." She stressed the word 'hate' as she spoke. "Thanks for doing this for me, Detective." Jane smiled warmly at Frost, "Glad they replaced me with someone that isn't a dumbass."

"Hey now; I didn't replace you. I'm just... Filling in for the time being." Frost reasurred Jane, sensing her discomfort in the current situation.

* * *

Frost dropped Jane off at BPD and she wrestled with herself whether to go inside and check on Maura or get in her car and go back to Frankies. She found herself walking half way through the lobby to the elevator but stopped, her hands on her hips and stares from the receptionist were burning into her back. She quickly walked back outside and leant against the wall with her hands on her forehead.

Jane whipped her phone out and texted Maura, a compromise between the two options.

_Hey Maur, you leave work yet?_

Jane waited against the wall staring at her phone, nerves increasing every second. She was out there for 5 minutes and Maura still didn't respond. Jane knew she should just leave but she couldn't, it was as though she was stuck to the building.

Jane was just about to go to her car when Maura walked out of the building. Jane's heart stopped, she froze in place. Maura turned and spotted Jane.

"Oh! Hey." Maura said without a smile. "What are you doing here?"

Jane couldn't say anything. She forgot how to talk, her throat closed up but somehow she forced a noise out of her mouth that was meant to say 'hey' but came out like 'erhhrrr'.

Jane cleared her throat and tried again. "Hey, I tried texting you. I was uh, just wondering if you were okay?" She bit the inside of her mouth to keep from shaking.

Oh, I'm okay. I was just leaving." Maura said with a small smile but Jane could see the sadness in her eyes. Maura turned to walk away to her car but Jane grasped her arm softly.

"Hang on Maur, just give me one second okay?"

Maura's head went down as she stopped resisting. "What is it, Jane."

"Just, listen okay? I know you probably want me to go fuck off right now but this is important okay? Stay safe, don't leave your doors open, don't go out alone in dangerous areas. I know you don't want me around but I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to you." Jane was pleading Maura as if her life depended on it which it did because if something happened to Maura Jane wouldn't be able to live with herself.

Maura softened her facial expression and let out a sigh. Jane was only trying to look after her but that did not make sense to the Medical Examiner. Why would she be so concerned about her now after breaking up with her? Once again Maura found herself at a loss with understanding human nature and why people do the things they do.

"You can come over tonight if you wish." Maura said feeling masochistic. It hurt just being around Jane, talking to her but she couldn't help but hold onto anything that the Detective dangled at her just to be able to feel like she was loved. She was so insecure, alone and all she had was Jane. She'd be in pain hold onto that.

This took Jane by surprise. "Okay, okay yeah." She smiled a little, "I'll come around 7."

Maura nodded in response. "I'll see you then." Before getting in her car and driving off leaving Jane stood outside the BPD alone. She tried to remove the thoughts from her mind asking her why Maura didn't seem that upset. It's not like she wanted Maura to be in pain, not at all. It was just... Well, she felt terrible like she was breaking apart and she hoped she meant enough to Maura to have her upset as bad as that sounded. She shook the selfish thought from her mind and continued back to Frankies.

* * *

Jane was stood outside Maura's front door. Her feet were shuffling on the ground as she tried to muster up the courage to knock on the damn door. She looked down with a sigh as her knuckles rapped on the wood.

Maura answered with an uneasy smile on her face. "Oh, Jane. You're early!"

Jane leaned over looking at a clock inside Maura's house. "Only by a minute Maur." She let out a chuckle as she took in Maura's appearance. She was much more glamoured up than usual for being home alone. It looked as though her hair was done and dressed in black jeans and a black low hanging blouse.

"Come on in, I'm just getting dinner ready. I made your favourite pasta." Maura ushered Jane in and lead her to the kitchen. "Cabonara. Ready to serve." Maura walked to the pots fussing over them as she bussied herself.

Jane sat down watching Maura sadness hitting her hard, the pain fresh in her heart. She could see Maura was in pain when she looked into her eyes and the feeling made her want to smash something to bits. Just get that anger out that she had for herself. Jane closed her eyes and realised her hands were at her thighs scratching at her pants. Realising what she was doing she forced her hands up onto the counter top.

"You didn't need to go to all this trouble Maur." Jane plainly said as she continued to watch Maura serve the food and sit down on the other side of the counter.

"It's no trouble Jane." She smiled at Jane before looking down at her food begining to eat in silence.

This had to be the most uncomfortable moment Jane had spent with Maura. Words danced on the end of her tongue ready to spill out but she didn't know how to go about saying them so they sat there eating without a word.

"This tastes really amazing." Jane finally found words that she deemed would fit the situation without any negative effects.

It did.

Maura, who was highly sensitive at this moment and yearning to be loved stopped eating and set her fork down placing both hands on the table.

"Excuse me for a moment please." Maura got up from the seat and quickly walked away towards the bathroom avoiding looking at Jane the whole way. Jane, on the otherhand watched each movement Maura had. She knew what was going to happen and she quickly got up after Maura who just reached the entrance to the bathroom.

"Hold up Maur."Jane said after catching up to Maura. The blonde turned and smiled at Jane but there were tears in her eyes. "Oh," Jane sighed, "Come here." Jane put her arms around Maura pulling her close, her hands rubbing her friend's back.

"Th-Thank you for the compliment." Maura mannaged to sniffle out. Her arms wrapped theirselves around Jane tightly, not wanting to let go.

"Maura, come on. _Please_ don't cry." Jane knew there was much more behind this than just the compliment. She knew she hurt Maura, she fucking hurt her really bad and Maura's emotions were pouring out.

Maura kept her grasp tight. The pain in her heart dictating her actions and her words. "What did I do Jane?" She got out, her voice higher than usual as she choked back a sob.

Every word Maura said pained Jane even more. "You didn't do anything, anything at all." Jane's eyebrows were raised in concern and tears welled up in her eyes.

"Then _why?_" Maura stressed the word 'why' holding Jane even tighter.

"I can't... I... I can't let anything happen to you." Jane kept back her own tears, "I _love_ you. I'm in love with you." Jane moved her head so her face was burried in Maura's hair. This wasn't the ideal way she saw of telling Maura this but it just came out as she tried to find words to comfort the woman she loved.

Maura untensed her arms after hearing what Jane had just declared to her. Her eyes closed tightly as she registered the words and when it finally hit her she pulled herself from Jane's arms and took a step back, her face painted with confusion as she looked at Jane.

"You're... You..." Maura trailed off looking into Jane's eyes unable to find words.

Jane grabbed Maura's arms. "I'm in love with you Maura." She said this time looking right into Maura's eyes. "And I just... Can't have you be in danger because of me Maur, I won't let anything happen to you." Jane heartfully added.

"No one has ever said that to me before." Maura whispered out and although she was one who normally weighed every desicion she made she couldn't stop what happened next. She grabbed Jane and pressed her body and lips against Jane.

It took Jane a fraction of a second to respond, her arms grabbing Maura tightly as her tongue danced along with the skilled Doctors'. As her eyes closed she felt herself being walked back by Maura until her back hit the wall and she didn't resist one bit. Maura's hands explored Jane's skin under her shirt and then suddenly Maura's lips and hands left Jane as she once again took a step back. Both women were breathless as they stared open-mouthed at each other. Jane had missed this so terribly.

"Take your shirt off." Maura ordered with a nod. Her tone was blunt, _forceful._ It made Jane gulp but she did as she was told and threw her shirt on the ground with an awkward half-smile on her face.

Maura took it upon herself to take off her own shirt revealing a lacey bra and the Doctor smiled seeing Jane notice her choice of underware.

"See something you like?" Maura asked rocking her shoulders a little and pushing her chest out. She had a sly smile on her face but Jane's gaze was a little south from there.

Jane slowly moved her eyes up onto Maura's face where she raised an eyebrow and nodded. "Yeah." She said huskily. Her hands traced circles on Maura's waist trailing their way up her torso and onto her breast cupping it in her hand. "A lot."

Maura closed the gap between the two and her hands went straight for Jane's ass. She kissed along Jane's jaw and to her ear. "Put your arms around my neck Jane." Maura whispered quietly. Jane didn't question Maura's motives, she just did as Maura wished and felt Maura's hands move down onto her thighs and then she was lifted off the ground. Her legs wrapped themselves around Maura's waist as she was pressed against the wall, their bodies mashed against each other.

Maura rocked her hips against Jane's crotch earning moans from the Detective as she kissed Jane over and over. Maura knew what she was doing to Jane and she couldn't help but smile into the kiss. Maura's grasp on Jane's thighs loosened to let the legs wrapped around her slide down so both womens feet were on the ground.

It was Maura who had control of this situation and what would happen. Both of them knew that and Maura grabbing Jane's hand and sliding it under the waistband of her pants cemented that fact. Jane froze. They had been close before but that was only the top half. Never before right now had Jane touched another womans genitals. This was getting much to real for her so she took her hand out much to Maura's dismay and hurt.

"Jane?" Maura whispered out.

"Maur, I can't... Do this with you... Like this, right now." Jane cursed the fact she was sounding like a damn robot not being able to get the words out smoothly or explain properly without telling Maura Hoyt was fucking with her. She tried though. "Okay Maura, listen to me. I'll be yours okay, only yours if that is what you want. Just trust me, okay. I promise you can yell and scream at me if you want but I'll still be yours, so wait for me to deal with a couple of things and stay safe." Jane explained a little better.

"You have no idea how much I fucking adore you and want this to happen. Okay? So don't think I don't like you or something because I do."

"Jane I don't understand, please tell me what's happening!" Maura's voice was raised a little, her frustration at the situation and at Jane coming out of her words.

Jane took a deep sigh pinching the bridge of her nose as she looked down.

She had no choice.

She had to tell Maura.

Did she?

Hoyt did say he wouldn't kill Maura...

But he did say he would _rape_ her. Jane shuddered a the thought.

She didn't want Maura to worry... But...

"Maura okay, don't freak out but Hoyt's after me."

Before Maura was able to respond there was a loud noise coming from the front door.

Jane's hand reached for her gun as she stood in front of Maura. The pair gazed at the door.

_Bang..._

_Bang..._

_**Bang**_.

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**Thank you all for reading!**


	20. Be Yr Mama

**CHAPTER ****20: Be Yr Mama**

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"Jane?!" Maura held Jane's waist from behind as their eyes plastered at the door.

"Just stay behind me okay?" Jane said bluntly, her tone low as she aimed her gun with both hands as she started walking towards the door with Maura close behind.

"Maur, stay back."

"No."

Jane sighed. It wasn't as if this was the first time Maura put herself in danger to be close to her before though. She continued reaching the front door.

"Who is it?" She called out, her voice almost hostile.

"Jeez Jane, settle down it's just me."

Jane took a deep breath of relief. It was only Frankie. Her relief turned to anger quickly though as she ripped the door open and dragged him inside.

"What the hell Frankie? What are you doing here?" Jane pushed his shoulder hard, annoyed at him for scaring the fuck out of her.

Frankie instantly averted his eyes seeing both women without their shirts on. "Hang on, please put a shirt on first Jane, I can't talk to ya like this." He covered his eyes with his hand as both the women gathered their shirts off the ground putting them on.

"Okay, talk." Jane ordered.

"Well you just left and I didn't know where you were so I uh, called Ma.." He shrugged his shoulders looking guiltily at Jane. The look Jane gave him caused him to quickly continue, explaining himself. "Come on Jane, I'm allowed to get worried about you. Anyway, I figured you'd be here because you basically live here anyway. Uh. Speaking of which, she's waiting in the-"

Frankie was cut off by the door swinging open and a visibly upset Angela busting in. "Janie, why didn't you tell me what happened!? You're coming home with me right now young lady."

Jane sighed pinching the bridge of her nose. "Ma, I can take care of myself okay?

"You almost _died_ Jane and now you're telling me you're in danger again? When will you leave your job!"

Jane sighed again biting the inside of her lip to keep in the swear words that wanted to come out of her mouth.

"Ah, Angela if I may" Maura moved next to Jane, "I have very good security here." The Doctor tried to calm down the situation

"You need a man in your life Jane, to keep you safe!"

"I _don't_ need a man in my life." Jane stated, her fingers still clamped on the bridge of her nose.

"Yes you do!"

"No, _Ma." _

"Why are you so opposed to the idea of settling down with a nice man?"

"Because I'm _gay." _Jane found herself shouting out, her arms shooting down at her sides. "I'm fucking gay." She confessed to everyone and to herself.

The room was now in a stunned silence. Frankie had a satisfied smile on his face as if he was thinking 'Yeah, I knew it!' Jane's mother on the other hand had her mouth agape and a mortified look on your face.

"...No you're not." She whispered visibly alarmed.

"I.. I am Ma."

"What about Casey?"

"What? My high school crush?" Jane was signifying her discontent in this conversation by throwing her hands up in the air. "I'm a really good Detective, why can't you ever be happy with me? What do I have to do? Go be some working males wife and be a stay at home breeder? Come on!"

Angela was taken back by Jane's comment. She let out a sigh and avoided her daughters gaze.

"Frankie. Take me home."

"Come on, Ma." Frankie tried to defuse the hostility but she stuck to her words.

"Take me home." She uttered turning around and walking out the front door. Frankie gave Jane an apologetic look and then said with a wink, "It's great to see you two girls together." Before going after his Mother leaving Maura and Jane alone once again in the house.

"Well, at least I know where Ma stands on homosexuality now." Jane muttered mostly to herself. She thought she'd feel Maura's comforting arms wrapping around her but they never delivered. She turned around to see a crossed armed Maura looking at her.

"Why didn't you tell me." Maura tried to sound tough and annoyed but her love and worry for Jane slipped through her words.

"What? That a sick creep that tortures couples raped and brutalised me is after me again and now we're an item?"

"Are we?" Maura raised her voice a little. It wasn't like her to let things get to her and vocalise her displeasure but she was tired of Jane feeding her half the truth and messing around with her feelings. "You're _hurting_ me Jane! Can't you see that?" The pain in Maura's voice hit Jane hard breaking down her barrier.

"Yes." She quietly said swallowing hard. As much as it pained her, she knew she was hurting Maura, that she was the cause of the Doctors distress. She deserved to be told that though, she wanted it to hurt. She felt she deserved the pain.

"Yell at me Maur, come on. Fucking hit me if you want. Just get your feelings out. I know you hold so much in to be polite but tell me everything on your mind." Jane slowly met Maura's eyes. "Please."

Maura looked down for a split second before looking Jane in the eye. "I would never hit you but okay. I am utterly frustrated at you for your bipolar attitude in regards to me." Maura sighed closing her eyes for a second, a hint of a smile appearing on her face relieved that she was getting her feelings out. "It is beyond confusing and I'm having a hard time grasping what is going through your mind that made you do this. First, you break up with me and..." Maura closed her eyes tightly trying to work out how to contemplate her feelings into words.

Her eyes opened as she found the words. "Break... My heart. It was like nothing I'd ever experienced before. I always felt a great emptiness resting in the depths of my body when it came to love. I was a shy child, I wasn't given much time and you have been the first friend I've ever had as pathetic as that sounds and the way you treated me made me feel horrible, hopeless and worthless. Then you come here tonight and my feelings overwhelm me, we end up making out and you stop me again and then tell me about Hoyt and you say you love me? Do you? I have no idea any more. Please, just tell me what's going on."

Maura sighed heavily, happy to finally get her feelings out in regards to the massive messed up situation she found herself in. She was not familiar in how to deal with things like these and having been raised in a household where she was taught to keep her feelings to herself it made it really hard for Maura to express them in present day life.

"Maur, Maura can I, can I touch you?" Jane's eyes were raised in concern, Maura's words had brought tears to her eyes. She frustrated herself, bothered herself and now she had done the same to the one she loved. With Maura's nod of approval she leapt forward hugging Maura tightly and kissing the shorter woman's shoulder.

Jane too had reservations about expressing her feeling and romantic relationships in general having been raised in a Catholic home where it was taught homosexuality was a sin. Over the years it progressed to less and less relationships for the dark haired woman and more and more focusing on her work. However, that was until Maura came into her life.

"You really want to know how I feel about you?" Jane whispered into Maura's shoulder.

Maura nodded.

"You remember how we met right?" Jane moved from Maura's arms so she could look at her face.

"Yes, when you were undercover in the drug unit. It was my first day."

"Yeah when I had to wear those god awful fishnet stockings and that blue eye shadow." Jane stuck her tongue out in disgust. "Well, I know I was a bitch to you, that was because I was under cover but the moment I saw you handing me that money, just.. The moment I saw you and how generous you were to a complete stranger, it-you blew me away. I remember how I used to steal glances at you whenever I was in the squad room and you'd appear even though you were even more of a turtle hiding in her shell back then."

"Tortoise." Maura corrected before closing her lips tightly seeing the frown Jane gave her for interrupting her.

"Yeah, tortoise. Okay. Well, still there was something about you Maur, looking back I was fuckin' crushing on you hard but at the time I thought it was just how damn much I respected you. And then I got promoted into the Homicide unit. My dream come true, partly because I got to work with the best damn medical examiner I'd ever seen. I still remember what you said to me over our first dead body together." Jane smiled.

"What was it?" Maura asked, curious herself. She couldn't remember it for the life of her.

"You have quite a beautiful occipital spatula when it's orbiting."

Maura blushed remembering her words to the Raven haired detective.

"I had to ask what it meant, though." Jane laughed a little.

"It means quite a lot to me that you remember that, Jane." Maura smiled warmly at her friend before Jane continued talking.

"Yeah well, after that we basically saw each other every fuckin' day. How could I not fall for you? The way you made me feel, every compliment you gave me, every time we touched and we fuckin' touched so much. It didn't surprise me when I found out there was an office pool going around of when we'd eventually kiss each other."

"Wait, there was?"

"Oh yeah, Frankie decided to be a smart ass and start it." Jane grinned.

"I remember every pang of jealously I felt whenever you went out with someone. Anyway Maur, I'm not sure how to tell you exactly how I feel about you but I'm sure I'm in love with you and I'm sorry for hurting you, I really, _really_ am. I was terrified. I _am_ terrified of what he could do." Jane took Maura's hands in her own. It was time to come clean about everything.

"Okay, so I'll tell you exactly what happened if that's what you want."

Maura nodded, "Please."

"Okay, someone took photographs of us kissing each other and slipped them alone with a scalpel and some lavender under my door. I freaked the hell out and got the fuck out of my apartment and went to Frankies. Then I went and talked to that new Detective and told him what happened, went down to see you and... You know what happened there." Jane spoke as she saw Maura nod her head to signal she was listening intently.

"Then I got a call from Frost and we went to go see Hoyt and he knew about us and tried taunting me. He told me he wouldn't kill you, he'd hurt you in other ways though. And yeah, I just can't have that happen. And I'm scared as much as I wish I wasn't, really scared that something is going to happen." Jane took Maura's hands in her own scarred ones.

"I'm sure everything will work out. I'd be more worried if I didn't have an amazing detective caring about me as much as you do around." Maura smiled warmly and went in for a hug.

"And for the record, I'm in love with you too." She whispered closing her eyes as she embraced Jane.

Being in Maura's arms had Jane feel as though everything would work out in the end. She'd make sure of it no matter what it took.

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**Before anything else, I have a question. I'm thinking about starting another story. Would anyone be interested in a "zombie" themed story? (What I'm thinking about writing isn't exactly zombies but that's the general theme.)**

**Not sure because I might end up not updating this one as frequently as I should be. So, no idea. Haha. Might write the first chapter and see if there's any interest. Now A/N for this chapter is below.**

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**A bit of a short update and mostly just dialogue and a bit of a back story but I didn't want to leave you all hanging more than I had to! Enjoy!**

**Sorry about the cliffhanger... I learnt a lot from TV season finale cliffhangers ;)**

**Thank you all for reading and your reviews! They mean so much to me.**


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